Lost my little girl at 22 weeks gestation what now

[teachnz]

We just lost our little girl at 22 weeks......i know the hurt and confusion will take forever to pass......but when is it okay to have sex again with my husband, and when is it okay to hope for and ttc?  Anyone lost a baby and then felt the need and desire to get pregnant again right away.......  It is not that i want to replace Mariah Grace, but I never longed to be  a mother as much as I have the last few months and after holding my little girrl in my arms for the last few hours of her life I realize there is nothing i want more than to be someones mom......
am I rushing through the grieve to try and recreate that motherhood bond?  Am i rushing to feel that intimacy with my husband?  
I am only 35 so i know i am still young enough to become mom again, but I want so bad to feel those precious little arms and body in my arms again......am I rushing....

[wifey2joe]

I have no words ... only love and (((hugs))) for you and hubby.  May God bless you both abundantly.

[adgal]

Your fear is so normal.  After an experience like that you would have to be super women not to be afraid.  I am so glad they did testing and although it doesn't help with the loss of Mariah, it's good to know it's unlikely to happen again.  When the time is right, you will know what is best for you.  In the meantime, I wish you healing and peace. ((hugs))))

[teachnz]

Went to ob/gyn today......got my check up.....he said all is well and am healing fine....said we could start ttc as early as another two weeks......both my dh and i are still mourning the loss of Mariah, and are scared beyond belief at the possibility of another pregnancy gone wrong (lost first mc at 9 weeks two years ago, and now Mariah at 22 weeks).....we have heard tons of success stories from other about how they got pregnant again right after a pre-term loss or miscariage but the possibility of this happening again scares us.....doctors did testing on Mariah, her cord, and the placenta and said it was an abnormality and not repetitive the chances of it happening again are like 1 to a million, but that doesn't take away the fear......
my husband is a devote Catholic and will have no part in birth control, so if we are to be intimate we take our chances of another pregnancy......I am worried though because i am 35, and diabetic, and he is 43 and bi-polar.....I worry our meds are messing up our gene pool (multiple doctors have assured us this is not the case, or cause of our pre-term delivery of Mariah).....
I never knew I longed to be a mother until I first felt Mariah moving inside of me, and then the ultrasounds, and then the kicking, and those two precious hours that i got to hold her before she passed away.....I still long for her with great hurt and passion....
fear of lossing another scares me, but I do long to get pregnant again in the next year and have a healthy baby.......
thanks for listening.....

[NZmum3]

I'm so sorry you both lost your wee darling.
Gosh it just brings tears to me to read your post and the other amazing mum's who have lost their wee darlings too.
I feel so sad for you and your husband.((HUGS))
I had two miscarriages last year but I was only 12 weeks and then 7 weeks.
It must have been so heart breaking to have been 22weeks,I really feel for you.
I understand how you want another baby straight away.I did too.
I am now 9 weeks pregnant and bless everyday so far but I know that I'm high risk of miscarriage because I'm nearly 45yrs.
Take care of yourself and I'll send you mountains of baby dust.
Lots of Aroha (Love in Maori) Erina

[redBlues]

hi there:I also lost my first baby when I was 17 weeks  and i know it is hard and i understand what you are going tru..it is harder when it passes the first trimester....

after the lost it is normal to feel depressed because of all the hormones in ur body..also it is so normal to desire to have another baby asap...it's all homrones too...

but my ob had told me to wait for three cycles due to i've lost it in second trimester..if u get preggo right way ,most likely  u will have another MC..just wait for three cycles,give some time for ur body for the recovery,then u will be ok I'm sure..

good luck baby dust

[babydust2009]

Hello ,

My name is Mary.  I just wanted to say that Im sorry for you and your family. I completely understand what your feeling wanting to try again soo soon. My ob Dr did say wait until you have 1 period bc could be possible you might have another mc.. My DH and I just lost a baby back in Aug of 09.. we were only 6wks preg.. I cannot imagine at 22wks.., but the Good Lord has a reason is what i believe... We are in our 2nd cycle trying to get preg.  Im 41 soon to be 42 in June, and I hope very much its not to late for us.  Just know that you, and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.. Good Luck and LOTS OF BABY DUST ,,,,,:)

[mommyin10]

I'm so sorry for you ;( I can't even imagine what you must be going through...

[smr08]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Having gone through it myself I know exactly how your feeling. I lost my son in Oct. 2008 at almost 5 months along, it was the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. I got the ok from my Dr. at my 6 wk checkup to start TTC again if I was ready, well mentally I wasn't sure. After thinking about it for a few weeks,  I decided to try again. In my honest opinion I think it's being mentally ready that really counts and only you will know when that time is. We are not trying to replace the child we lost, we are trying to give all the love that we have in our hearts to another child. I wish you peace and strength through this difficult time and if you ever need to talk you can message me anytime.(hugs))     Lori

[Pum]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss and completely understand you wanting to have another pregnancy as soon as possible. It probably would be best to wait a couple of months or whatever your doctor advises but your body will no doubt take a little while to right itself hormonally. It might save the pressure of trying to conceive if you waited a little. Take care of yourself.

[adgal]

Oh Sweetheart, of course your not trying to replace her.  I am not sure when it's safe to have sex or ttc again medically, best to take your Dr.'s advice on that.  As for when it's ok emotionally, that is completely up to you and your DH.  I cannot even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now and there is no right or wrong answer.  You do what's best for you.  I wish there was something I could do to help with the pain, but I know there isn't.  I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts and I wish you healing.  ((hugs))) to you.  Amanda

[Maxine77]

First I am sorry for what you went though. I completely understand what you feel as I lost my first baby at 17 weeks. My baby was diagnosed with IUGR (intrauterine growth retardation) and stopped growing. I was devastated when my gynae told me the baby had died inside me and because I was too far along I could not have a a D&C and had to give birth. It was horrible feeling having to push but I didnt bring a live baby home. I did feel the need/hurry  to immediately to get pregnant so I could try all over again and when I was given the ok, I did. But I only added more stress to myself with each AF that came. It was only after 1 year that I managed to conceive again but with Clomid. I would like to give you my advice to give yourself time to heal and although I didnt carry my 1st baby as far along as you did, its still losing a child that I completely understand. Take your time to grieve and heal and when you are ready you will know. I wont advise you to rush and add further stress to yourself having been there on this road before. Instead when your body is ready, and you are not adding stress to yourself, you will conceive naturally again. ((HUGS))

[Ecologic]

Your desire for trying for another baby right away is totally normal! You'll always remember your pregnancy with your little daughter, that it is perfectly normal to want another baby soon.

But you need to ask your ob-gyn when he thinks you should try again: when I had my last miscarriage my ob-gyn recommended I wait one cycle (1 periods) to try again so that my uterus lining would have time to form back completely. In your case you may need more than one cycle, be careful because an other miscarriage would be devastating, make sure your body is ready for an other pregnancy!

[SoCalTricia]

Your desire to have another baby is completely understandable to me. My son, Ian, passed away when he was eight weeks old. I will NEVER stop grieving for him and missing him. I cry for him every day, and he is irreplacable. But I, too, want another baby. I don't think I realized how much I wanted a baby until Ian was born. And now the desire to have another baby to hold in my arms is a physical ache, it's so strong. So I completely get your feelings.

In your case, I might wait a couple of months just to make sure my body is healed. After that, go with your heart and what is supposed to happen will happen. Bless you...you're in my prayers. :-)

Tricia

[Juliaschill]

I am truely sorry for your pain, I agree you have to go with what your heart tells you, wishing you all the best,

[nola0805]

First, I just wanted to tell you how profoundly sorry I am for you and your husband.  I cannot begin to imagine the grief and sorrow you are going through.  Please take comfort in knowing that no emotion is wrong, especially when you are dealing with grief and loss.  All of your feelings are normal and likely shared by many who have gone through similar experiences.  There are many women that conceive very quickly after a miscarriage, some even before they have a full cycle again.  I don't think that many doctors actively discourage it.  My only word of small caution is that developmental pediatricians that I work with encourage most women to wait a brief period of time after a miscarriage before getting pregnant again to help make sure that their bodies are healthy enough again to provide adequate support to the new baby.  But that being said, I am sure that there are stories a plenty of women having happy healthy babies soon after a miscarriage.  Talk to your doctor and follow your heart.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and I truly wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.  

[TreeFrog7]

So sorry to hear your news ... this is just my opinion, but I don't think you're rushing for any of it. It's natural to want the intimacy, it's natural to want a child, and it's natural to want these even while grieving. I think in this case, if nature took its course and you became pregnant again soon, events would just fall into place as if it were "meant to be".

So, I think it's best to do what comes naturally to you.
Best wishes,
~Wendy