Aa
Need to vent , opinions please
so I'm 35 weeks now n my baby father after leavin me throughout my whole pregnancy now says he wants to be apart of the babies life n everything, but he hasn't brought up how he can help. Like I had to get everything for my baby by myself n she's still missing things like the crib(suppose to be a gift from the godmother but I'm still waitin) n my breastpump n diapers n wipes. So today we went for her some lil cute sneakers n I told him I needed the crib he said he'll buy it , but when I was lookin them up he changed the convo. He's sayin he wants to be in the delivery room but I don't think he deserves it, n dat he wants the baby to have the last name. Like I find it so fake , u wait a month before she's here to try n be a dad now ? On top of everything his mom is moving to Florida in 2 days n he has nowhere to go unless he goes with her. So i dont know I just feel like I'm being used cuz he's goin to be alone, he has put me through a lot of hurt n I don't feel like I should let him back in dat easily I feel like we should just talk about how he can help and dats all, but I'm scared if I say dat he's just gonna disappear again.
COMMUNITY LEADER
First let me just say that I'm sorry you guys broke up during the pregnancy and he hasn't been there for you. That sure stinks and it irks me that women get left 'holding the bag' and men can walk away. but with that said, this isn't about things or what he buys or how good/kind/ there for you he has been. This is about the child. EVERY child wants both parents in their life to their fullest capacity. Your child will want to bond with and know their father. Forever. They will want there dad to come to their things at school, to their sporting events, to spend time with them. THAT is what is most important when it comes to negotiating what happens with a distant ex partner when you are pregnant with their baby. You have to put your own stuff aside and encourage a RELATIONSHIP to form between the child and the baby.
Does that happen if a dad sees a baby born? Possibly. But that is your call. If having him there makes you too tense, you have a right to say he can meet his baby after the birth. (soon after).
I wouldn't make this about buying you a crib or breast pump but instead about a lifetime of his FATHERING his child.
I know it hurts. But it is the reality of the situation. Yes, go for child support. That is his duty to pay. And legally he should be required to do so. But he should not be required to buy cribs and diapers to be in his child's life. Because there will come a day that your child will look at you horribly sad that they don't really know dad. It happens at about second grade. So, you don't want that to be the case. Put baby first and hold your head high. And I would almost guess that as he bonds with baby, he'll be better about supplying things you need for baby. But if you act like the baby is really YOURS and you'll dole out little snippets of baby to him if he is nice, he's going to get fed up and do nothing.
good luck hon. it's tough stuff to navigate and it calls for great maturity and sacrifice. good luck
Does that happen if a dad sees a baby born? Possibly. But that is your call. If having him there makes you too tense, you have a right to say he can meet his baby after the birth. (soon after).
I wouldn't make this about buying you a crib or breast pump but instead about a lifetime of his FATHERING his child.
I know it hurts. But it is the reality of the situation. Yes, go for child support. That is his duty to pay. And legally he should be required to do so. But he should not be required to buy cribs and diapers to be in his child's life. Because there will come a day that your child will look at you horribly sad that they don't really know dad. It happens at about second grade. So, you don't want that to be the case. Put baby first and hold your head high. And I would almost guess that as he bonds with baby, he'll be better about supplying things you need for baby. But if you act like the baby is really YOURS and you'll dole out little snippets of baby to him if he is nice, he's going to get fed up and do nothing.
good luck hon. it's tough stuff to navigate and it calls for great maturity and sacrifice. good luck
If he's serious about being involved in the child's life, then he will make every effort necessary to be there in terms of not only financial support i.e.diapers, formula (if neede) but also with his physical presence in order to be able to grow a relationship with his child. As a man, he should strive to be there for his child in spite of the relationship he may have with you. That being said, to me it seems like he's trying to manipulate or guilt you back into a relationship with him because he is in need of a place to stay until a better option comes along. I would say to him that he is more than welcome to remain in his child's life, but that doesn't mean that you will be going back to him or providing any support for him, as you now must focus on your baby. If he truly wants to be a part of your baby's life, he will accept your terms, otherwise, he will be in and out of your lives whenever he's down on his luck.
well, maybe he needs to hear it from someone else.. is there anyone else who can speak to him without you being around.. maybe a mutual friend??
someone needs to explain to him that you don't want to be with him, if you truly don't, then maybe he'll get it.. maybe!
of course, you want him to be in his daughter's life, but that in no way means that you are committed to him & that needs to be explained.
it seems as if he's trying to blur those lines, and it needs to be cleared up before you make any big decisions in your life.. not just for your BUT for your baby..
someone needs to explain to him that you don't want to be with him, if you truly don't, then maybe he'll get it.. maybe!
of course, you want him to be in his daughter's life, but that in no way means that you are committed to him & that needs to be explained.
it seems as if he's trying to blur those lines, and it needs to be cleared up before you make any big decisions in your life.. not just for your BUT for your baby..
So hard to make that clear to him without him getting angry n sayin he gives up .. Ugh so annoyin .
I agree. He has a right to be a part of the baby's life bit that's it. But just because he's going to be a father to the baby doesn't mean he has to be in a relationship with you. Just because he's coming back "for the baby" it doesn't give him the right to be your bf or anything like that. His relationship with the baby has nothing to do with you two. Make that clear to him. Tell him he can be around for the baby if he likes but that doesn't means there's a relationship between you guys.
Yea I feel the same way , he be wantin to talk on the phone now like if nothing is wrong n if I don't want to he'll just get mad n say he gives up but it's like it's not wat u want when u want it u know like I'm the pregnant one not u. N I feel like if I ask for something he'll say oh I just wanna use him for money but dats not the case like its his daughter n he suppose to be givin me half for everything rite or wrong ? It's such a stressful situation ,cuz I already told my mom he said he wants to be apart of the baby life again n if he disappears again it's like how many times r dey goin to hear the same old story n lies he tells.
If he truely wants to be part of the babies life he will figure out how to be plain and simple. With or without your help and i do think you shouldn't believe a word he says until his actions speak for him
it does sound very fishy.. and convenient for HIM!
he deserves to be in her life, but that doesn't mean he has to be your boyfriend, partner, living with you, etc.
I made that clear to my fiancé.. no two people should be together because of a baby. a baby will not fix or mend a relationship.
he needs to help, that's his responsibility just as much as yours, but I wouldn't be engaged to my son's father if the only mutual thing we shared was our son.. love, compassion, honesty, etc. matter. your child needs to see & experience those things from 2 people who love each other, no negative.
I understand you were with him for a while before getting pregnant, but even THAT shows his lack of concern for you.. if he was able to leave you after that long, ESPECIALLY while pregnant, not only would I question his motives, but I'd question his character.. because he seems to lack in that area too.
congrats, and good luck!!! praying for you! you need to enjoy this experience because it's truly a blessing.. I can't wait for #2!!! (((:
he deserves to be in her life, but that doesn't mean he has to be your boyfriend, partner, living with you, etc.
I made that clear to my fiancé.. no two people should be together because of a baby. a baby will not fix or mend a relationship.
he needs to help, that's his responsibility just as much as yours, but I wouldn't be engaged to my son's father if the only mutual thing we shared was our son.. love, compassion, honesty, etc. matter. your child needs to see & experience those things from 2 people who love each other, no negative.
I understand you were with him for a while before getting pregnant, but even THAT shows his lack of concern for you.. if he was able to leave you after that long, ESPECIALLY while pregnant, not only would I question his motives, but I'd question his character.. because he seems to lack in that area too.
congrats, and good luck!!! praying for you! you need to enjoy this experience because it's truly a blessing.. I can't wait for #2!!! (((:
Honest not Jones sorry
My Jones opinion is his mom is leaving so he has know where to stay so now he wants to talk to you and pretend like he wants to be a dad so he can stay with you. I don't feel you should let him back thay easy pregnancy is hard and now he wants to come in the last 4 weeks and play daddy. That's messed up to me and you bought everything so tell him if he wants to be part of the babies life bad yours he needs to step up man up and show you he can. Not just use you because mommy is leaving
Very long but please give opinions !! I was with for 5 yrs btw before he decided he wanted to leave me while I was pregnant
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