Ok ladies, I need advice BIG TIME. See, according to the social worker at the hospital, I've acted suspiciously from side effects of a medication on a time or two while being at the hospital (due to back pain and pain management, they are trying to find something tha'll work before they start shots or something in my back.)
I NEVER held or helped with TJ during any time I had any side effects. and according to my dr. I had to take the med at a certain time each day. Well, the social worker from the hospital has asked for my medical records, and pharmacy records which I got copies of , and signed releases, no problems. I've not done anything bad. But due to personality clashes with a charge nurse and a couple nurses who wouldn't have me help with wound changing (even tho, apparently they are sending him home next week.... IF the do.) *they actually leave me in the room alone with the nurse watching the OTHER baby in the room with him, while sitting outside.... doing NOTHING to help me out or even offering support.
or other stuff, it's caused alot of issues (I've kept my cool and tried to either reason with them or accept what they tell me)
they'd told me he'd go home in MARCH or late Feb. it was lies. CPS came by today, with a nurse, and GRILLED me infront of my mom regarding his skin care (for EHK) and his cares for him having down syndrome. welI (Gmom and me) explained everything, and even showed them his medicine preparations (color coded with 2 days worth. a normal day and emergency, with color coded baggies, instructions on time, doseage already prepared... etc.) so anyone could give him a med if I had an emergency and couldn't be home.
The nurse was HAPPY with me and said we've done a D*MN good job at keeping him healthy when he was home. But the social worker even asked me for a friggin drug test where I had to go to a place where addicts from the court systems usually go (not the kind work sends you to) and get WATCHED while I took the pee test! (I have NO issues with former addicts at all.... i'm happy if you've straightened out and I'd be happy to share stories and talk for support as my step dad died of an overdose about a year ago this march....They dont know of that.)
I did it happily, and we got a crib today (instead of a bassinet even tho he's only 10 lbs at nearly 6 months) set it up, and cleaned house. They come out next week and just told me if our house was clean, and his room was clean, and we were prepared for him to come home....we'd be good.
IDK, they make me feel like a bad mom. They consider me either uneducated or unexperienced even at this point in his life where he's been home for 9 weeks total, and we've cared for him for his first 3 months of life DAILY, and nightly.
I'ts 4:30am and I can't sleep from the stress. AF is late due to it also (bloated....but day 31...test BFN which is fine at this point)
His nurse, and teacher from the Reginal center (sp?) are behind us because they have observed us in our home on a couple occasions...
They hadn't told me test results, or anything but told CPS he's coming home next week (I've called and asked 2x while cleaning up the house) all while it's cold and the arthritis in my back is HURTING bad. Icy hot, heat pads, ibuprofen, tylenol... the works to treat it. But nothing to really alter me mentally at all.
I want advice. my mom went thru this with me as a baby (similar reasons..young, special needs kid... etc.)
and my grandmother was gone after also for me mom (same stuff as MY MOM).
They got me so upset I just cried for about 10 min. in front of them as I told them how we cared for him in the NICU for over a month and the nurses didn't even do anything because carlos and I did EVERYTHING but paperwork.
I'm crying now thinking of it. I need support and advice.........(or just kind words)...
I am so sorry you are going through this. I really don't have any advice for you but i think about you often. Especially when i was in the hospital when they thought i was going to have him at 26 weeks and he would've been in the nicu, i was so scared i wouldn't even take the tour of it.
Could you say you'd be willing to have weekly visits? Infact i think i would want to have weekly homecare visits from a nurse just to make sure everything was going on ok and to answer all the little questions that come.
Thinking of you
Evthing4reason.... thanks, I COULD say I'd be willing to have visits. and I DID. I've cooperated with them COMPLETELY with everything. Signed nearly all but my rights away. God my heart is breaking in two thinking I might not take my baby home....
(also, the homecare nurse came out several times after he was discharged from NICU and surgery.... they reported GREAT care from us!)
martika...i used to work for cps.. the best thing you can do is go along with what they want, comply comply comply. It *****, but if you get on the wrong side of them, they will tear you down and make **** up. I swear..i've seen it happen. It ***** to have to be passive, esp. when you've done nothing wrong, but just tell the truth...like you have above, and everything will be fine...
I dont know your story at all, but wanted to ask and comment?
You said your gmom and mom both had the same thing happen to them, your mom with you? Why was CPS called on your mom with you? Sorry, that confused me.
Also, could this be a common personality trait, the way you keep house, care for baby, talk/answer questions to authority figures? and then when you question WHYthe authority figures do it/ask these questions, the other generations back you up that they are bad, wrong, etc.? I dont know. Ive definitely seen that happen in the hospital. If you are doing everything correctly and taking great care of your child, house, family, then you should have nothing to worry about I would think. Be calm, do what you are supposed to, answer concisely and pleasantly, offer to have them come out regularly/weekly/unexpectedly - play the game.
Why is your little one still in hospital? Why are you on meds? For your back? Sorry. Just trying to get background info...
I'm sorry hun, we all know on here that you are a GREAT mom and as long as you comply with what CPS tells you to do they will see it as well. Everything will work out, your little man will be home with you soon enough.
They are just looking out for your son and making sure that he will be in good hands when he leaves, I know it ***** and I know it makes you feel like a bad mom but you aren't, show them how awesome you are at taking care of him.
i do have advice. i've vast experience with english social services and in the end i got the hang of them and won. basically, be kind and friendly with them even if they upset, annoy you or say inappropriate things. Always be compliant and do whatever is asked of you. Also, i think it's a good idea to try and get the person from cps on their own without a nurse present and tell them how you've had disagreements with the nurses. i'd specifically mention that they wouldn't let you participate in wound changing when baby's supposed to be home in a week. I had to do the pee in a cup being watched too and i hadn't been on any drugs so i do empathise. try not to cry in front of cps as if they've still got it in for you after you've done all the above ( which i doubt they will ) they might try and pull the depressed/unstable mental health card on you. If they ever try to raise concerns about you with you THINK carefully as to whether this is a genuine concern BEFORE you answer. If it is, agree with them and say you'll work with them all you can to rectify it. If it isn't but you can understand how they might think that, tell them you can understand how they'd think that and explain why it's not a concern. If it's way off the mark, calmly but firmly stand your ground and explain how that is not the case at all. Tell them what's most important to you is the well being of your baby and you know that's what they're there for so you're happy to work with them and accept any support they may think necessary. The people who count are already on your side, just win over cps in the ways i've told you. I think everything will turn out fine. I can tell you're a wonderful mother and don't you dare let anyone else have you believe otherwise. good luck sweetie. am always here if you need to talk.
I'm sorry if this sounds wrong in any way but I don't tend to sugar coat anything.
I worked with CPS and I know that they don't start an investigation unless there is suficient evidence of child endangerment. I think that at this point you really have to consider and think of what could be going wrong that you can fix, sometimes you don't notice your own errors.
They will look at your finances, to see if there is any economical stability for you to care for your child. They will go to your house and see if it is clean and a healthy environment for your child and they will look at you and your husband to see if you both are fit mentally, emotional and physically to take care of your special needs child, including the other people that live in your house. If they don't find anything of concern then they will close the case.
well i know what u are going through and all u can do is comply with what they want if not it will make u life a living hell trust me. I delt with them over the summer . all because i took my son to er after he fell down the stairs. It was truly and accident. He was climbing the stairs in front of me and i turned around to grab something i had dropped within a sec it took me to turn back he was rolling down the stairs at me. I paniced and took him in to make sure he was ok. Then i went with him to my mothers where he was spending the night nad the er call CPS and they wouldnt let me have y kids back until they cleared everything and made sure it was truly and accident. This happened the the night ofr th 3 of july and ihad to go all weekend due to holiday with out seeing my babies it killed me all weekend thinkingthey were going to take my kids from me.
All turned out to be nothing and they apoplogize to me after treaeting me that way
it will be ok just do what they say good luck
I am sorry you have to deal with thison top of all your other issues. I had to deal with them also, I had an ex who called on me when going through a separation. I was lucky and I got an awesome case worker who told me that they knew immediately that it was BS because he had so many complaints. She said they are required to do an investigation anyway, even if they don't think it's necessary to cover their A$$. I also had to pee in a cup (drug use was one of the 10 complaints he lodged) but the case worker told them to let me go myself...thank god. I had to talk to the substance abuse counselor, and she also told him to go easy on me. It was a cra**y experience, but a few weeks later I got the letter saying they investigated everything fully and found no reason to have further involvement with my family. They did go to my father's house and check it out, and talk to him as well because I was living there.
If you are respectful to them, don't try to block them in any way and let them get their jobs done they will move on. They have so many calls and families to check out they really are not out to get everyone's kids. They have enough valid complaints to deal with.
Oh, I had been putting together a book for my friend's bridal shower and had all sorts of party pictures on the table in the bedroom, and the whole time the case worker was there my daughter kept bringing pictures out to show her...she'd say "See Mommy in this picture?" and in every one I was holding a beer.
Keep your cool with them, and I wish you luck.
My advice is to do what others have told you and yet be strong and confident as a mother so that they can see this. Do what they say. Often times they are investigating because they have to. That's all there is to it. If they get a complaint, they are obligated to check it out. And yes unfortunately, that's all it takes. If my neighbor decided today that she didn't like me, all she would have to do is call CPS and tell them any sort of lie. They would be obligated then to check it out. So, technically, if someone wants to make trouble for you, they can. And I know you have had trouble with the nurses before. I can remember past threads about it. If they decide to make this a case, they will do monthly visits to your home and just make sure the environment is good for Mr. TJ and all. But then again, it may not go past this. They call it the "intake" level.
A few months ago, I had an encounter with CPS. I came home from work on a Friday at normal time. Got home around 5. My babysitter showed me something on my 3 years olds leg. It was about the size of a quarter. Looked like maybe something bit her??? So, my husband got home later that night and we were in the kitchen. I put her on the counter to show my husband. When I moved her shorts, it had gotten much bigger! So, I gave her some Benadryl and figured that would take care of it. Well Saturday came and it had spread all down her legs. But it looked like bruises. But it wasn't. It started out as a small spot and went from there. So, my husband took her to the Walgreens Care Clinic and the doctor there said to take her to ER. She just didn't know what it was. So he took her to our local ER. They did x-rays and all and did lab work and couldn't figure anything out. So they transferred her to Texas Children's Hospital and they did all of the same things. My husband said it was awful. I think my 3 year old was more traumatized by so many people looking in her pants than anything. It was terrible and I have to say that I am glad it was my husband and not myself. I would have been beside myself. My pediatrician got involved and everything. We have a lot of kids, so we had a lot of documented history of our parenting. But they never checked our finances or anything like that.
But I do know that being Texas Children's Hospital that they must see the most horrific things happen to children and they are only trying to make sure that my kids are safe. It is so sad to me to know how many kids fall through the cracks.
Good luck and I am sorry for the novel. But try not to worry and try to remember that the main goal and focus of CPS is to make sure that children are safe. Are there bad apples that work for CPS??? I am sure, just like there's bad policeman, etc. But as a whole, they do this because they love and care about children. It certainly isn't for the money.
I am so sorry you're dealing with this on top of everything else. Just remember that they have TJ's best interest at heart and I hope that brings some comfort to you. They just want to make sure he'll be alright. If you have nothing to hide then you guys will be fine. Just be honest and cooperate.
And remember, this does NOT make you a bad mother. It just means someone made a report out of concern and they want to know TJ will be alright. Show them that you're capable and that you're ready!
I have to disagree with the comment that CPS will not investigate unless they have sufficient evidence that something is wrong. In Wisconsin if someone calls CPS they will investigate no matter what, doesn't matter if they believe the caller or not, they check out every case just to be sure.
I agree with GRose...... They are obligated to check out EVERY call, some one can unfortunately not like you and call and they have to check it out..... Happened to my sister.... Once the case worker saw what a good mom she was and that there was no threat to my nephew.... they closed the case right away.... but of course they had to come and investigate bc someone that did not like her called and told some lies.....
Just hang in there hun and do what they ask you even though sometimes its hard to keep your mouth shut when you know your doing the right thing! You sound like your doing everything the right way..... just keep it up and I am sure little Tj will be home with you shortly!
It must vary from state to state because as a teacher I am a mandatory reporter and if something were to happen to a child and I had knowledge about anything and I didn't report it, I could be held liable. I unfortunately have had to call what we call dss but it seems to be the same thing as cps, and they often do NOTHING unless if there is a large body of evidence, repeated reportings etc.
Just like everyone else said though, comply and if there are no issues, you'll have your son home. I'd like to think cps has better things to do with their time than to concoct stories and take children away from safe homes on our tax dollar!
Just comply with them and do EVERYTHING they say.. don't argue with them.. don't get rude or sarcastic with them.. they just want to make sure everything is ok for the child ( that is their job) ... it just seems to me you have a lot of chaos in your life.. maybe thats what sent up a red flag for cps...
And i do know they will go through your finances.. like for example if you can't pay your electric bill or water bill... they are red flags to cps.. And i have seen your posts about wanting to become pregnant again.. just be careful b/c if you do fall pregnant again .. questions might arise such as will you be able to take care of a ds child ( tj) and a new baby.. are you financially stable to.. and so on ( you get the picture)
Just make sure you think over every decision you make right now since you are being "watched" by cps.. and as long as you comply with them and they feel you are doing everything you can .. they will close the case.
i actually was in college taking course in social work.. and in class they teach what they call "red flags" ... finances.. home life .. and stability are key things cps looks into..
i agree with pinkbelle. i am a social worker but wiht adult but went through all the schooling and they do red flag things and if the head nurse really doesnt like you, she can push and they can dig deeper.
but like Joy said, it was done out of the best interest of TJ, even though it S U C K S, it was for him. also maybe you can talk to your doctor about your meds because i know that if a mother came in and appeared to be under in the influence of substances, even if she did not hold him or anything, i would have to report that as a mandated reporter. see if your doctor can try you on ones that maybe do not make someone appear lethargic or under the influence. or even though it says take at a specific time, try to see Tj before the medication time and so not give that nurse anything to complain about.
I agree with some of the other posters.. Here's my opinion..
A.) CPS WILL investigate every claim.. I could call in something bogus b.c I dont like someone and they would have to investigate. That is their job., They MUST look after the best interest of children and advocate for them if there is concern...
B.) I doubt they were called in for "no reason." I am sorry if that offends you, but it isnt like a neighbor or something called.. You said (or I think I understood/read) that a health care professional called (nurse I believe I read somehwere). MAYBE it is because s/he doesnt care for you, but BOTH of my sisters are nurses and CPS is called for a VARIETY of reasons. If the hospital staff has ANY doubts of your capability to provide for or care for TJ, they were just doing their job by calling. I wish you luck and just comply. If you havent done anything wrong and everything is all set up, I bet it will just be a formality.
I may regret this.. BUT... I feel inclined to continue by saying....
I dont know what this is worth, but if your financial/family problems were divulged to a staffer during a visit or if I was a nurse for TJ, I would have called CPS as well (especially if I thought you were under influence of ANYTHING!!). You have talked about huge financial issues, housing issues (living with many people) missing people (15 yr. old sister or something), no vehicle, no money, long stretches of time between visitis to TJ due to the aforementioned issues....... These are ALL huge red flags.. I guess I am just saying ( and I AM NOT accusing, just suggesting...) don't talk to the hospital staff about your woes unless you want them considered. The hospital staff isnt meant to become your friend(s). They are there for the sole purpose of looking after your little man and his best interests.. Again, I am not saying you DID do this, I just thought it was worth mentioning..
I have been following your story (as you know!!) =) and I do wish you luck, it just seems as time goes on, more and more drama ensues in your life and it isn't good for your situation.. And I have stopped responding to your TTC posts for all the above reasons. I think it is ludicrous that you are considering another child with all the drama in your life and your son still in the NICU..
I DO hope TJ gets to come soon and continues to improve! He is a doll, and again. Hope you arent offended.. I am nothing if not honest.. Take Care Cindie. Best of luck and keep us posted.
Thanks all, srry I took so long to reply. I went to see TJ today, and He's doing good. speech and OT have gotten some improvement with him during the few days I was gone. They got him to suck on a paci/bottle (they didn't say which) about 10x in a row which was good. When I got ther and wet his mouth (he always licks his lips and if you put any sort of lip balm or lotion he'll lick that off too) and he tried to suck on my hands (alot!)
Luckily, not only did I have a new nurse in there who didn't know me yet, but also she had a friend watching him thru the day who knew me some...in a good way.
His NG tube came out, and his nurse wasn't sure If I could replace it (SOME medical procedures are ok for mom or dad to do if trained, but some aren't I know) so the friend who sat in there as I tried to keep it on before his nurse changed it, sat in there to talk with me, and when she found out what the stupid social worker had done (I don't mind telling all the facts, even the less favorable about me... because I did nothing wrong...) She said she was very sorry about how the social worker (the one from the hospital, not cps... who'd pushed EVERYTHING going even after the initial GOOD reports)
And she actually offered to let me go ahead and change his tube wtih her watching and her checking placement so that they could document it for me... (to show I CAN). I thanked her several times for allowing me to help out. :)
As for the social worker, she tried to get me to talk to her, and without calling her out I told her that she knew why he's going home next week and they hadn't told me. Even after she denied knowing it. (she's the contact for CPS at the hospital.) She asked how I'd know when he's going home, and I said the dr would tell me the exact day, and that she should stay on it also so she knew when to have me stay up there.
each time she'd try to have a conversation with me about ANYTHING else, I told her an answer, either yes or know, and left it at that, with a look on my face that basically let her know I was done talking. :) I wasn't rude, just not nice...
If she askes about TJ or home or anything (questions....income) I'm going to tell her that CPS Is handling it and as far as I'm concerned she should let them and I have no more answers for her, that she can get it all from them.
As for them, I've complied as far as EVERYTHING they've asked from me. The social worker called yesterday and after making me account (from memory) for the whole month before he came in and the exact happenings of the day he came in.... 4 times. (she hasn't spoken to the nurse on staff who reviews medical records yet...) she said" You've done good and accounted for all your time and everything, JUST SO YOU KNOW WE AREN'T GOING TO REQUEST THAT THEY HOLD TYLER, WE TOLD THE HOSPITAL THAT HE'S NOT UNDER A HOLD BY US.
So he's going home.... :)
(as long as he stays healthy enough for it!)
She told me that she'd been trying to determine if we knew he had an infection (we had no clue.. no fever, or anything other than the skin infection we treated him for and saw his pediatritian for before hospitalization this last time) and if we had let him lay there with a fever, and possibly an OPEN CHEST for several days berfore taking him in. (apparently she can't read. because they didn't open him up til AFTER he was admitted.)
She was also trying to see if our care for him had led to the infection... no way. His body rejected the wires in his chest. We could have done nothing more than we did for him before taking him in.
and she told me she knew that. :)
SO..... Things are better now as far as I know. He's doing better too. but was fussy today with a fever a few times. :)
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