in 2 weddings but 7 wks pregnant now, what should I tell my friends

[babygirl985]

I am in two weddings this year, but I am 7 weeks pregnant.  I have been having bleeding for 30 days now, and complications, low fetal heart rate, etc. Docs continue to tell me I will prob. miscarry. Thank God, it hasnt yet. The weddings are in August, September.  I havent told my friends about my pregnancy because the docs continue to tell me I might lose the baby.  The girls keep asking why I havent bought my dress yet.  I have the money for both dresses, but I dont want to buy them yet.  I don't want to tell them about my pregnancy either because if I do miscarry, I don't want anyone to know I was pregnant in the first place.  It has been emotional enough going through this so far.  If my pregnancy does go through full term (by miracle), they might not want a big pregnant girl in their wedding or wedding photos.  Should I back out on my own if the pregnancy does go full term?  I will be due around October and the weddings are in August and September.  Or should I get a cute pregnancy bridesmaid dress without them knowing im pregnant and then tell them later?  They are both allowing the bridesmaids to pick their own dress, but all has to be the same color. What if it were me getting married?  Would I want a pregnant girl in my wedding party?  I am just to emotional right now about everything.  I don't know what to think about all this.  I hate waiting.  I have cried and cried about losing my baby.  What's even more difficult, is no one knows except my boyfriend who tries to be as supportive as he can.  

[faye83]

My only advice is that if this is stressing you out, just don't do it. This is a hard time for you and stressing out about something like that is, imo, not worth it. It just depends on what you want to do but you shouldnt be stressed out,t hats bad for the baby and for you :-)

[babygirl985]

Thanks everyone for your response.  Boy, this really helps a lot.  

[cocacolapanda]

If your 7 weeks, usually by about 12 weeks your chances for a miscarriage drop.  I say to keep putting off buying the dress until your at least at the 12 week mark, then you may want to inform them about the pregnancy, and let them know there have been some complications, and if they don't want you in that your fine with it.  

Personally, if I had a braids maid that was pregnant, I would be more than happy to have him/her in the wedding party!  Since there so close to your due date, the biggest worry would be if you deliver early and can't make it, or if you are on bed rest at that point.  Just keep in mind, that if this is going to full term, you may want to keep them updated, if the complications go away, then you won't need to tell them, but if you still have some (especially closer towards the end), then the bride should know so she can help find a way to make everything work for both of you.

I hope everything is ok with you!  It's scary when you've got complications, but have faith.  And Good luck!

[berrykkiss]

Just tell ur friends tht u will buy the dresses close to the weddings so u can buy the latest fashions.

[bluegenie2003]

I think it would be ridiculous if they didn't want you in their wedding while you were pregnant. I was in one at 23 weeks, and then I'll be in my sisters about 5 weeks after the baby is due. So for that one, I won't have baby belly, I'll just have left over belly!  Would your friends not let one of their friends be in their wedding if they were overweight?  Its the exact same thing. I also agree that if you don't want to tell them that you're pregnant yet that you shoudl tell them that you're having some personal issues right now, and you'll get the dress in plenty of time. However, if you do let them know why you don't want to get it yet, then that would be one less stressor off of you. I'm sure its stressing you out a lot having to put them off, and you have enough to be going through right now. You don't need that stress as well. And I know that you don't want to add anything to her plate, but its YOU and YOUR BABY that you need to be concentrating on now, not them.  It may sound selfish, but this is a time in your life when you NEED to be selfish!

[smjmekg]

I already said I'd be mad. Not wanting someone in your wedding because they're pregnant is just wrong to me. I mean, if you had other GOOD reasons, ok, but just because they're pregnant?

[babygirl985]

Thanks for your response. My boyfriend is very supportive and goes with me to all of my visits/ultrasounds, but he is now working 12 hours.  I try so hard to work around his schedule, but its not always possible.  The nurses often wonder why I don't tell anyone.  They feel bad when I am alone and crying.  I think I will tell one of my friends that are getting married.  But she lives 60 miles away and is planning her wedding.  I don't want to burden her with all of these issues!  She has enough on her plate.  She is the only one I trust.  My best friends just passed away two weeks ago at 33 years old.  She was the only person who knew and was supporting me.  She is gone now.  I have double emotions.  The loss of my best friend, the possible loss of my baby.  I guess I can tell the girls (the girls getting married) after my 12 week.  That will still give me time to get my dress......if they still want me in their wedding pregnant.  Should I be upset if they no longer want me in their wedding pregnant?

[tobbeyj]

I would honestly tell them that you are pregnant right now and experiencing complications that you dont want everyone to know about. I have had two mc's and I could not have gone through them without my friends and family support. They will completely understand and they will give you the time to focus on you and baby right now. I would definitely not buy the dress until as last minute as possible. If the docs are saying there is a change of MC, then I would hold off on buying anything just in case. Hope all goes well with your pregnancy and that everything works out with a positive outcome.

[smjmekg]

Just tell them you keep forgetting about buying it, or you had some personal financial issues and you're going to have to wait to buy it for a little while, if the weddings are in September and August you have PLENTY of time. My brother is getting married July 30 or 31 (can't remember which at the moment) and I just ordered my dress because it takes 12 weeks until it's in, and I'm in Korea right now so I ordered it early so when we get to the states in May I can try it on before we go to NC where we're being stationed next. My brother is in FL and that's where they'll get married, so you can see why I ordered it early, plus we're still trying for our second baby AND the dresses run either smaller or bigger and I have to try it on early enough to get it taken in if I need it. I don't know why they're bugging you so early about buying the dress. AND if they kick you out of their weddings just because you're pregnant, if it were me, I'd be mad. So what if you're pregnant? Would they not let a baby be in their photos? It's the same thing but your baby wouldn't be born yet. Plus pregnant women are cute!