Husband barely does anything for me?

[ollyxv]

I'm seriously starting to get annoyed.
I am 6 months along and getting bigger obviously. Things are getting to me like back aches are so terrible, I've been having nausea again, headaches are killing, etc.
I tell my husband these things and he still does little to nothing for me. It gets me so sad / angry sometimes. I hear all these other stories about how girl's boyfriends or husband's take care of them so well while pregnant, meanwhile I'm over here begging him for massages or to do something to me. Honestly like he's cooked a meal for me maybe twice during this pregnancy. And one time was Valentine's Day.
I know, some guys just dont "get it" but it's becoming so frustrating. Especially when even when I feel like **** he still wants things like food and sex and whatever else and I give it to him!
Does anyone have any advice on how to make him step up?

[Velis14799]

Don't worry. This is my third pregnancy and my husband hasn't really every been nice. He hates the feeling of skin on skin contact with his hands and hates the feeling of scratching. So I end up scratching my back on a door frame or just learning how to massage my own back and feet. My husband doesn't cook or go to the store for me. So I gave up, we tried the talks and the praises, even though him taking the trash out was the only thing he ever did. Don't get me wrong he would show up from work one day like, 'let's go to dinner', or, 'let's go shopping.' So he would do something every bluemoon, it may also just be his perpersonality. He hid this part of himself until months after the marriage. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't compare your man to others because all its going to do is make it seem like your man doesn't love you. And trust me if he didn't than he wouldn't do anything nice for you. Try communicating with him and praise him for the good things and if that doesn't work, it just might be him. Remember you are a strong woman and you can get through this annoying part of the pregnancy.

[canadiana]

The other day I told my partner that I was feeling really fatigued, and he basically told me "I told you so", like that's ever been the correct response for anyone when they're upset. Sometimes guys are really frustrating. I want sympathy (or even better, empathy) and instead I get a shrug and unhelpful words. I was really angry, but I noticed that I was angry about other things that aren't even relevant. It doesn't excuse insensitivity, but I think a lot of it is how he was raised. Men in his family are not actively involved in baby stuff. It's something that's going to have to change if we're going to last, though.

[giraffe1020]

I don't know why I think this would help but... have you ever read men are from mars women are from venus? Its very stereotypical (which i am opposed to) but I got a lot from it and have become a better communicator of my needs to get them met. Perhaps something like this would help? Kinda an old school book but it helped me...

[Smattos1021]

I just had a breakdown with my husband and I'm 8 weeks tomorrow. I was getting frustrated for him not putting my needs first and i feel like nows the time they need to show it. We had a really long talk where i poured my heart out and that helped but what i think make it all click was him reading the new dad tips online and we found a website that explains what my body's going through each week so he gets how hard it is on my body and will be more apt to help. I wish you luck!! Sometimes they just don't know what we need and we have to be very vocal and direct about it.

[misclaire]

Men tend to want to do practical things to help. My partner wouldn't offer up a foot rub or a massage unless I specifically asked. He does cook, but he likes to cook, and he'll do the laundry etc. He's pretty good. I still like to be active and do things, but it's nice to know he's happy to pull his weight.

[mallyo]

I'm 38+1 and my husband had been really helpful in little ways. ... He doesn't rub my feet or my back but when I have to go to the basement to do laundry he'll follow me and carry up and down the baskets... There have been times I've been really frustrated with him like over the weekend he wanted to rearrange the furniture and I had to keep telling him I couldn't lift or push the really big things but he eventually understood. ... I've made it a point everytime he does help to tell him how grateful I am even if I've said it 10 times a day I do my best to reassure him....I think you should maybe look at what he does do and praise him for it and maybe he'll be willing to do more I know it's worked out for us but every man needs that a little.  I'll even go as far as to tell him how I've bragged on him to my friends just to get that little point across that the little things mean most

[abbb01]

My husband is like that no rubs nothing at least he doesn't let me carry stuff too heavy when he's around. But I finally blew up at him and laid it all out as plainly as possible so no guess work for ex have a 2yr old we both work the same hrs and im 22wks now and get home I would go straight to the sink and start doin dishes while whatever I had for dinner cooked. My son has gotten to where he expects to sit at the sink with me whenever im there while he watched youtube videos. Talk to him exactly what u want and if he doesn't change anything stop doin all the things u do for him and tell him exactly y ur not goin to do them.

[Amy1830]

If you figure it out let me know. Lol. Cuz my fiancé is the same way. He doesn't treat me special at all. He still expects me to shovel snow, paint and sand stuff (we are redoing the house), carry heavy stuff, and do all the things I did before like cook dinner every night and all the house chores along with working. I tell him I can't paint or shovel alot of snow and he doesn't force me but seems pissed like I'm being a baby. He doesn't massage me or cook for me or even mention me being pregnant hardly ever really. It *****. Because he wanted a baby so bad, more than even me because I already have a child from a previous relationship and this is his first. But since first finding out I was pregnant (when he barely acted happy) til now at 17 weeks his reaction to me and the baby has been very disappointing.

[turtle414]

I agree with bam too. Men are stupid! You've got to spell it out. I tell my husband, I'm tired I don't feel like cooking today! Can you handle dinner? and he either goes and gets take out (more likely) or cooks. Either is acceptable but I know I can't be mad at him if I'm not communicating my needs.

[soon2bmomof4]

I'm bout to have my baby and the only things my husband really ever did for me was go to the store and get my big bags of ice and whatever I wanted. He wasn't real big on giving massages. Unless I was like I'll rub your feet if you rub mine. I would complain daily about my back hurting and he went and bought me a heating pad. Lol but he would always stop and get me food on the way home if I was craving anything(taco bell). I always told him thank you and expressed how much I appreciated it. I just don't think a man will ever truly understand how painful pregnancy really can be.

[Kanne123]

Around 6 months I was exactly where you are now. My husband was also going out a ton and i was so hurt. I had a breakdown and we finally had a real heart to heart talk which is near non existent w us as it's just not his personality and ever since then he has been amazing! (Amazing in my eyes lol). I think you just need to explain to him what's going on w your body and emotions and then talk about what's to come.

[mege26]

I agree with bam. Like when my husband does the dishes he will say honey I did the dishes. So then I act like that's the most amazing thing ever. Guys need praise for sure. Its annoying but they do. And if you ask you a back rub and he says no. Then have a talk about it. I've had to have those kind of talks with my husbamd

[bam14]

I don't know how you're communicating with your husband but I know mine doesn't take a hint so if I say "my back's killing me" he does nothing but if I say "my back's killing me could you give me a massage?" he will give me one.
also I've found it's very important to praise and thank him when he does something helpful with or without me asking even though it's usually just a quick kiss and thank you it seems to matter to him.
hope this is helpful. good luck.

[Aly215]

I would stop doing things for him ...he should catch on!!