An I being selfish?

[Elayna360]

My boyfriends parents are total Christians. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and his parents want us to get married. They say if he was ready to make a baby he should be ready to get married. I love my boyfriend I just don't feel that we should get married just because we're having a baby. I would feel like I'd be forcing him to. I want to get married when he's ready and proposing was his idea and nobody else's. I don't know how to tell his mom no.

[shellie409]

I'm common law married to my husband we've been together for almost a yr and a half and im 26 weeks with our first baby i.want to get married with rings and the whole thing before the baby not because of pressure but i think it would be nice for my baby to have her moms name match hers and her dads because i have so.many friends and family members with different names i think the 3 of us having the same name will help me feel better but if we arent able to do that before she gets here it wont be the end of the world for me
Try to not let other people pressure you because inthe end its up to what you and your boyfriend want to do

[MadameN]

@Rockrose: being married is a Christian thing in the sense that the Bible does not support sex before marriage. So, their desire to have the marriage take place may be founded on Christian principles and not necessarily the generally recognized civil benefits of marriage.

[MadameN]

I'm also a Christian and my perspective on this is a little different. Maybe the reason for their request that you guys get married is not so much to cover up the pregnancy (because getting married now wouldn't change the fact that you had sex before marriage which is what is considered as a sin). It could be that the pregnancy has brought it to their notice that their son has been engaging in sex before marriage and they want to make him do "the right thing" since he's obviously with you and has no intention of ending the relationship. If you guys are living with them right now and not in separate rooms, I would assume that they are aware of the possibility that you have sex from time to time right now and will likely continue with that after the baby is born, until you eventually get married.
So, I totally understand that they would feel uncomfortable with the idea of continuing to condone a sexual relationship between their son and someone he's not married to especially under their roof. I would therefore suggest that if you do not wish to get married for whatever reason, then you should consider moving to a different apartment. It won't take away their consciousness of the state of affairs I have mentioned but it would certainly make it easier for them to live with.

[Amyhr]

I'm pregnant with our first baby, we've been together 5 years now and don't feel the need to get married yet even though we are engaged. I personally don't feel it would make our relations ship any different by being married,  just a huge dint in our bank balance!

[Lillah]

13 years ago I told my husband I was preg and he had to marry me so we did but not immediately. The preast told us,to wait till after the baby was born and we got married by the church two months after baby was born. Truth is I wasn't very religious but we knew we loved each other and I wanted my kids to grow up  awith mommy and,daddy this way. We've had issues and,separated acouple times but to be honest we are together because we have a commitment to god our kids and each other and I knew I wanted to be with him for ever. I hope all goes well for you and what ever decision you TWO make.

[Elayna360]

I want to get married just not yet. We both get paid min wage and we live with his parents. I feel like I'm not ready because he seems like he doesn't have any desire to go to college or get a job that's not at his gpas place. I want us to have a house and steady jobs before we get married. Thank you everyone for your opinions they help a lot.

[chelsgr87]

Religion aside, I was asked if I was gonna get married after the first time I found out I was pregnant and the answer was a big no. Same reason I want to be asked because he wants to ask. Not because we're having a baby. I never wanted him to feel trapped about it and I was not ready for marriage.

[Flickan]

My husband's family is like that. I think it comes down to you and what are your values based on it as well as your babys dad. Do you think its right? Or are you not wanting it in order to rebel against someone who is telling you what to do? Try and look at both sides of it and decide what is best for your family.

[2nd_time]

Maybe this is their way of showing concern for the baby and your custody situation....without having to bring up the conversation for real.  When we found out my brother got his girlfriend pregnant this was on my parents minds a lot. They already love that baby and she still has 20 Weeks till we see her. They want to grandparent the baby (aka spoil her) just like they did my 5yo son and will my baby when he gets here...but they are sad because they don't even know if they will be able to see her that much. :(

Maybe showing your commitment to your boyfriend is still strong and letting your MIL know that you do plan on getting married in the future (and throw in a "when the baby
comes over" in the conversation here and there) will let her ease off a bit.

[mamaof4410]

My "husband" and I have been together for almost 11 years were pregnant with our 5th baby. He's 27 I'm 25. Were not married because we feel why do we need to justify to anyone else what we feel in our hearts. I would love to walk down that isle but when the time is right. No one should force it. Best of luck to you

[maybay]

Well I got married because I was pregnant, and we thought it was the right thing to do. We were dual,military so that was another deciding factor so we could stay together. Things were really hard fpr the first couple years. We did things because we felt obligated to. We seperated, and each sewed some wild oats. We realized we could only love each other, and are back together. Mairrage is a lot of work. In the end the choice is yours. Maybe tell them you understand how they feel, but you will get married when you are ready. Not because you are told to. It will cause you to harbor bad feelings towards them and eventually him.

[Elayna360]

My boyfriend doesn't say much. He just tells me that he loves me and we will get married one day but not cause his parents want us to. My parents tell me to do whatever makes me happy

[Elayna360]

He is my first and we've been together for 3 years. But I wasn't his first ad I don't think she knows that.

[RockRose]

I don't know that being married is a "Christian" thing - it's a civil thing - you have to obtain a marriage license from the court,  and then file it when you've become married,  and if you want to divorce the church has no power to do it.

It's "the people",  the "community",  the civil courts who recognize the obligations men and women take to each other to ensure that a baby will have a two parent home and both parents are legally bound to do their share.

Does your boyfriend feel about his parent's beliefs and wishes?  Do your parents care at all whether you are married before having a baby?

[Elayna360]

He is my first and we've been together for 3 years. But I wasn't his first ad I don't think she knows that.

[Jkrodgers]

I'm a Christian also and don't feel that pushing a woman to get married just to cover a "sin" is right. You maybe shouldn't have been sleeping with him without being married but your baby absolutely is not a mistake (God doesn't make mistakes) no where in the New Testament does it say where if a girl finds herself pregnant she should hurry up and marry the father. Although it does say we should love each other as Jesus loves us. With an open  mind , without judgement, forgiving and forgetting. Those who have no sin may cast the first stone and we are all sinful. So it sounds to me she has more of a problem with the worlds standards of conduct and less concern with what Jesus taught us.