can't take it

[genamarie]

I'm really upset. My relationship just ended Saturday night as I got upset and my pregnancy hormones went rampant. I said some things more or less that I regretted the moment I said them, including that I wanted to end things, which I didn't, who knows why I'd say that. Anyway, he hasn't spoken to me since, no matter how many times I've tried calling or texting, I'm left with no response. Each day that passes something more is done that shows that he's over me, and not coming back.

Basically, I'm freaking out as I'm 32 weeks and 5 days, and I've just lost the only support and love I've had throughout my whole pregnancy, aside from some of the caring women I've met here. My heart is broken, and I'm scared he won't come back to be there when the baby is born (which I'm experiencing preterm labor, and being 100% effaced, no measurable cervical length, and almost 2 cm dilated, they speculate it will probably be sooner than the due date).

Have you ever said something you didn't mean that someone blew way out of proportion over? I wish I could repeat the night over again. Why did I get so upset? Had I not said what I said, he would have been here early the next day, and we'd still be together.

All I want to do is cry, and sleep. I'm worried I'll more than likely end up with postpartum depression on top of all of this.

[KDQ]

I went through something simular with a friend. Ultimatly we just needed space to think about things and then we came back to it later and made up. If he is getting your texts but noy responding maybe text him an apolgy and how you really feel and leave it in his hands. Be sincere and tell him your worries and just how sorry you are. If he is a real man he will come around. Best wishes.

[genamarie]

Thank you KDQ, I'm very worried and hurt thinking he will not come back, knowing he stated he planned to be there during the birth, and I'm currently cramping and trying to wait it out to make sure it won't go away before going back to the hospital as I just got out Friday and it's now Wednesday at 1 a.m. :(

[wickedxchick]

Give him space he'll wonder why you stop txting or calling when you finally do a week at least he'll more likely want to talk use that week to think about what you are gonna say. Hope that helps

[Btubbs]

I'm on my 3rd pregnancy and I think I've been much calmer with this one, but the smallest things would set me off or I would let my insecurities get to me and say some pretty mean/crazy things to my husband that probably would have caused him to leave if he wasn't so understanding. I'm sorry you are going through this. I know my hormones have made me a little crazy at times, just wish men knew what we feel or how we think sometimes to know when we just need to vent.

[Flickan]

Oh Hon.....I'm sorry :( I agree that you should send him a message saying how you feel as well as an apology. Then sadly it needs to be in his hands. He then has a choice...he can forgive you and work it out as relationships should be through the rough times or he will be gone. Its scary I know but at least then you will know if he really is/was the one for you. Sending hugs your way. Try and stay calm as possible so you can keep baby cooking. Deep breaths. Keep taking some.

[jsudz624]

I'm sorry Hun I know the feeling of being depressed and just wanting to sleep all day and not get out of bed.. My baby daddy left me right after I found out I was pregnant in jan and still won't talk to me and I'm 29 weeks already.. As hard as it is just try and stay strong and not worry about him.. Try focussing on your baby and the miracle your gonna have soon :) and if he can forgive you or come back it's his lose not yours .. He'll b the one missing out!

[SashaLight]

I'm 32 weeks and a few days and when i was about two months i was having the stress of job corps down my throat along with a bunch of women who were jealous and rude. so i took it out on my boyfriend (the babys dad) and hit him infront of everyone, i said some really mean things and ended it. but he came back <3 were back together and now engaged. were waiting to pay rent and right before our little son is born were going to go to the court house here in buffalo Wyoming and get married. He's probably giving you some time. i haven't a clue what he's like but I'm hoping he comes back. either way, once your little one is born you'll be happy <3

[grumpuss]

He is probably scared too! Scared that what you said was true, svared of being a Dad, scared of the future... So he is hiding away. All you can do is be honest with him and pray! He will get the guts to talk to you when he has had time to think it through. Nlokes are just as insecure and crazy as us, they just dont talk about it!

[babysheets828]

I'm so sorry, Ive said some messed up things to my boyfriend too, and we've come really close to breaking up.  I swear pregnancy makes you posessed sometimes!  But he needs to be understanding and not stress you out more, he also should realize that if you guys do work things out and he's just throwing a fit right now,  you will never forget how non understanding he's being.  Some things really stay with a girl forever, and I think the way you're treated while pregnant is one of them.  Yea maybe you shouldn't have said certain things but he needs to be a little more patient and understandingright now.  And remember you have so much support on this forum!  That's why I love it so much!  

[reilymom]

I understand, my hormones make me psycho sometimes. My poor husband gets the brunt of it. I agree with the others, send him an apology with explanation and let him decide what's important. If he realizes that you are pregnant and hormonal he'll know you are trying your best. If he chooses to let an agruement ruin your relationship then he wasn't worth it in the first place.
Happy thoughts for you and your precious baby

[genamarie]

Thanks so much everyone. I wish this all never happened. I can't understand why he did this. Why he hasn't talked to me since Saturday night the second I said I was done, even though I didn't mean it, and on top of it apologized right after and every day aside from yesterday but got no response. Today is now Wednesday. And then tomorrow is the fourth of July. I'm really upset. I've tried so hard. With no answer whatsoever. I've tried not to attempt contacting him today, and I tried so hard yesterday but last night I noticed his best friend and mutual friend of ours deleted me on facebook and It's just making it all too real that he won't be coming back. I know it sounds stupid and ridiculous, but the immaturity of these guys is insane. My boyfriend was a year older than I am and his friend is two years older. You'd think throwing a tantrum and changing everything completely and not speaking to me for a week would be something a kid would do. I'm hurt, upset, and annoyed.

[thirdtimemum]

You need now to leave it in his hands, youd be surprised at what time and a little space can do.... You cant be stressing now, you have a little baby that needs to be cooking in there a little longer, and that is the most important thing right now. Dont let others immaturity wreck your pregnancy or state of mind, and i know it must be hard for you right now, especially when you have alot of time on your hands to sit there and think. Just remember, what will be, will be, and we cannot change what has already happened. Start dreaming about the arrival of your new bub, and maybe concentrate on getting things ready for him/her and in the meantime maybe your boyfriend will of had time to calm down and come round.

[sharichajewski]

Aww im really sorry hun this is the last thing u need right now. You need tofocus on baby and staying healthy. Youve been.so strong all along and have kept that baby in this long so keep.fighting. He may just need some time and space to think things through. Just remember that its not just you he would be walking away from its also his baby and im sure he will come around and realize that. Just stay positive thibgs always work out one way or another. If he has anyone close to him whose ever been pregnant im sure they will make him understand that we all say and do things we dont mean when we have 100x the hormones and emotions running through us. Keep your chin up and smile you have lots of support right here an these ladies will always be here for you:)

[mrselmore1206]

If he wanted to be there he would be there hun. I drive my hubby nuts and say some nutty things but he stays cause he wants to and knows ita just the hormones. Ill pray for u just take care of u and baby men come and go

[genamarie]

Thanks for all the kind words of encouragement everyone. But as I see it, he's not coming back. I didn't try to talk to him at all today, and yesterday I tried my best to not attempt it but I believe I might have contacted him out of anxiousness while feeling cramps and contractions for about an hour and worried I'd have to go back to the hospital I called him with no answer and told him I was scared and to please call me. Had he not been someone I still love and care for, and not been on the call list at the hospital for when I'm in labor if I were to come in and go to deliver they'd call him to let him know so he didn't miss it as he has said since he's been around that he wanted to be there with me when I delivered. Well I got no answer, never got a response, nothing. Today was the fourth of July, not even a happy fourth of July from him. And I know this is extra immature to stress over but it just adds to what I believe is the end of us because he deleted anything pertaining to me on his facebook. Which we've broken up before and he hasn't done although he's done this petty silent treatment stuff before when we broke up. I'm glad he is not the biological father of the baby, as he came onto my life (knowing day one I was pregnant) in the very beginning of my pregnancy. As we've been together the whole time, he's grown attached to me and the baby (so he said) and planned to get me a ring, get engaged, get a house together, get married, and later down the line try to have a baby together that would biologically be his (throwing out a rough time frame of 5 years on the baby if I wanted to try it again with how many complications I've had with my current pregnancy, but who'd have thought none of it meant anything to him?) My heart is broken. Funny how I wasn't even this heart broken over the man who got me pregnant and left me to fend for myself after telling me to go to hell knowing I was pregnant. I don't really know what to do now. I want to try to contact him again, but what would be too soon? Or should I try to "get over it" as I'm not too sure I ever will seeing as this felt like he was the one I'd spend my life with. apparently everything was just too perfect to be real. I wish things didn't end up this way. I've done nothing but cry every day. Thanks again everyone. I wish you all were right.

[2ndbaby162]

Give him time. If he really meant what he said then he'll come back to you. I know its tough but you have to focus on you and baby. You may find that this relationship has upset you more because of the security you felt with having the baby without the dad needing to be there. You can do this on your own if you have to. He doesn't need to be there to make you capable of loving and raising your child. Stay strong hun. He'll be back if it was meant to be. Best wishes xx

[annat33]

I know exactly how you feel believe me! But I'm my experience is best to let him be the more you chase him the more he will pull away. I know its hard trust me I had a hard time letting him be but eventually they talk to you again. I know its hard to do this on your own i know I had to with my first but you might not have a choice. If he truly wanted to build a life with you he won't be able to stay away long try to give it time focus on the baby and be strong things will work out the way they are ment to.

[genamarie]

Thanks, but I'm sure he's not coming back. Everything just keeps getting harder and harder to deal with. Currently, I'm without an income and may have no job to go back to when this pregnancy is over. On top of having no income, and basically no money to my name, I'm being contacted by debt collectors for money I don't have. On top of that I've got nothing but medical bills piling up where even with having the medical card, I've still got expensive copays I can't afford. The man I thought I'd be marrying one day is gone. My family and I only fight and argue. I just feel plain defeated, and I'm about to just give up and let everything drown me. I've tried for too long to keep my head just barely above water, but the water keeps getting higher and higher, and I've got nothing else to hold onto. I'm in a losing battle with life currently, and I can't get myself out of this hole I've dug myself into. I guess it's time I forfeit. There's nothing left to do. 49 days left of my pregnancy, and I can't take care of myself, let alone a child. He's not even outside the womb yet and already he's got nothing to look forward to. I've ruined my life, and now I've brought an unborn baby into the mix.

[Flickan]

Gena...sweety...no. You are going through a rough patch. That's all. You are strong and will get through this. I promise! Just have to believe in yourself. Things may not be ideal, and really hard....but you can get through this. He is an idiot and someday may figure that out..by that time it may be too late. As for bills and $$.....there is support out there. Not sure if you're involved with a church, but it may be time to reach out that way. We can't do it alone, but we have to be careful on who we do ask for help. Since you're family isn't helping, reach out. Look into women's clinics for other services that can help. I am SO proud of you for being strong for your baby and look, he's still cooking! Didn't think you'd last this long a month ago! You're not losing a battle....you're kicking and fighting your way to the top. You will get through this. I know you will. I will continue praying for you.

[genamarie]

I suppose you're right. Right now I just feel nothing but hopelessness. I already know I'm going to have horrible postpartum depression. I've been depressed off and on throughout this pregnancy, and with how horrible I feel right now, I just know that especially if I go into labor soon and deliver, I will only feel even worse...Something tells me that it might not be pregnant for much longer. I just have this feeling. And every other time I've had this kind of gut feeling, I've been right. Thanks for your encouragement. I really appreciate it. You guys on this forum board are the only people I have to talk to anymore. Which depresses me further, but it's really nice to have someone to talk to, even if it is only through computer monitors.

[annat33]

I'm not sure were you live but usually there are places that help pregnant women try to stay positive even though its hard speek good things into your life. Youll make it try reseraching gov help they usually have something at least on the US they do. All this will help you become stronger!

[Flickan]

With my issues I also feel like my post partum will be bad as well. My doc just fave me a prescription of an antidepressant so I am ready . Keep your chin up.

[genamarie]

I had no idea they would be willing to write you prescriptions for antidepressants, especially before the birth. Were you on them previously? Or were they just writing what they felt would benefit you? I'm glad you said they are doing that for you, hopefully it helps you, and I believe I will be talking to my doctor about my issues to see if they could help me too, just to hopefully make things a little easier. I'm trying. Hopefully you're doing alright also. How far along are you now?

[lntmama]

You're not alone, I was left by my bf/BD at 34 weeks preggo. We met working overseas and once I got pregnant I had to quit my job and come home. We did really well handling the distance until recently. I had some money saved so I was fine for the first few months but now that I'm completely broke I can't call him or write him. He too has blocked me from Facebook or had gotten rid of any way for me to contact him. I loved him and put so much trust and faith in him and I thought we were on the same page, I was so wrong. We didn't even really fight, he stopped trying to make the long distance relationship work and I told him I noticed and to either fix it or break up with me because it made me so unhappy... I regret it.. he broke up with me and had made it very clear we are not gonna work things out. Its been almost three weeks and we have yet to talk. Like you I fear he's moving on and sure he's not coming back. Its gonna be tough but you have to stay strong, I tell myself everyday to think positive thoughts for the baby's sake. I liketo think that the baby will feel how strong I've been and that the same strength will be passed along to him. Especially when he's older and comes across tough times of his own. It works most of the time but I still have to battle the anger, hurt and frustration, I often feel like I'm on the verge of depression. We have to remember life's not about us anymore, and can't dwell on our misfortune especially if its possible to hurt our precious little ones doing so. I hate going through this and am sorry you are too. Keep your head up.