Aa
none of this sounds appealing.
I am just over 17 weeks pregnant. I did not want to get pregnant..... maybe in like 5 years..maybe not. My husband and I obviously decided to keep it. Well now I am pregnant, and I still don't want to be. I never have liked babies, never was interested in them. I don't know how to take care of them, never held a baby, I don't know anything. Since I have gotten pregnant I have been researching and reading like crazy. I am a smart woman, I have always taken care of my body, watched my weight, been athletic.
I am terrified of labor, completely, utterly terrified. I don't want my vagina ripped to pieces,I do not want to bleed for two weeks. This all sounds horrible. Then after I bleed and hurt for weeks, I am in charge of a little human. A human that will always be looking up to me, a human that has now completely changed my life. I liked my life... I don't want change.
So now my whole life is about to change, I am going to be broke, destroy my body .
Maybe I need therapy .
I am terrified of labor, completely, utterly terrified. I don't want my vagina ripped to pieces,I do not want to bleed for two weeks. This all sounds horrible. Then after I bleed and hurt for weeks, I am in charge of a little human. A human that will always be looking up to me, a human that has now completely changed my life. I liked my life... I don't want change.
So now my whole life is about to change, I am going to be broke, destroy my body .
Maybe I need therapy .
Such amazing support! This is truly why I love this app. Every mother has fears but once we hear or see our little one everything will disappear. I wish you all the best. Your already an amazing mother for worrying and trying to get help and advice.
Omg I thought I was super alone in this!!! I will say when I was young, like teen young, having a family and kids sounded great, but once I got out of school, there was so much to do, eventhough I didnt do much. It was weird, I suddenly turned to absolutely hating children. I think it was because I was told I coyld possibally never have children of my own, so to protect myself mentally, I just started loathing them. Babies freaked me out, I knew nothing of babies, kids where like my "No" button where I felt like punching something cause they annoyed me so much.
I told SO many people in my life, that I never wanted kids and that I hate just being near them. Pregnancy always sounded fun though, but thats cause I was only getting a quarter of the info, but the after math like you said, just awful!
Torn vagina, bleeding for weeks after, then having to care for a living person, I mean... way too much!!
When I found out I was pregnant, I was devistated. I cried. A lot. I thought my life was over, I thought my brand new relationship was over... I just kept thinking... I'm not going to do this... I CAN'T do this.
The first trimester and mostly through my second I kept telling my boyfriend, I'm never going to bond, I'm going to hate myself for ruining my life, his life and now this baby! But something in me... suddenly changed.
My u/s at 21 weeks changed everything. For the very first time, I saw his face and I cupped my hands to my mouth and broke down in tears. There was something I created right there, moving, evolving, learning. I dont know... I just rememeber after that, I couldnt stop thinking about him, and I would cry to my boyfriend and say, "I just want to meet him!!" In histerical sobbing.
I never thought I would have that motherly instinct, or that bond, and I'm still terrified for that day when he makes his appearance. I fear for post partum depression, but then again, I just want to hold him. Its extremely confusing, and half the time I'm so overwhelmed that I work myself into panic attacks.
Do I know everything about babies? No... I still don't even know how to hold them, but you know what I do know? Biology. And biology helps people like you and I instictively know what to do. Evolution and having faith in yourself will help you through this. As mothers we can not help but to be chemically attached to something and someone we have not even met, and that chemical just gets stronger the second we see our little half selves for the first time, whether its that ultrasound, or at birth.
From the sounds of it, you just have not had that bonding moment, and for some women it does take sometime, so dont worry too much, and know the time will come. The best to do is just what I did, take one day at a time, enjoy the you time and breathe. Your life will change, but for the better, and the way I see my son, is now I have meaning and importance to my life, where I didn't before him.
Good luck, mama!
I told SO many people in my life, that I never wanted kids and that I hate just being near them. Pregnancy always sounded fun though, but thats cause I was only getting a quarter of the info, but the after math like you said, just awful!
Torn vagina, bleeding for weeks after, then having to care for a living person, I mean... way too much!!
When I found out I was pregnant, I was devistated. I cried. A lot. I thought my life was over, I thought my brand new relationship was over... I just kept thinking... I'm not going to do this... I CAN'T do this.
The first trimester and mostly through my second I kept telling my boyfriend, I'm never going to bond, I'm going to hate myself for ruining my life, his life and now this baby! But something in me... suddenly changed.
My u/s at 21 weeks changed everything. For the very first time, I saw his face and I cupped my hands to my mouth and broke down in tears. There was something I created right there, moving, evolving, learning. I dont know... I just rememeber after that, I couldnt stop thinking about him, and I would cry to my boyfriend and say, "I just want to meet him!!" In histerical sobbing.
I never thought I would have that motherly instinct, or that bond, and I'm still terrified for that day when he makes his appearance. I fear for post partum depression, but then again, I just want to hold him. Its extremely confusing, and half the time I'm so overwhelmed that I work myself into panic attacks.
Do I know everything about babies? No... I still don't even know how to hold them, but you know what I do know? Biology. And biology helps people like you and I instictively know what to do. Evolution and having faith in yourself will help you through this. As mothers we can not help but to be chemically attached to something and someone we have not even met, and that chemical just gets stronger the second we see our little half selves for the first time, whether its that ultrasound, or at birth.
From the sounds of it, you just have not had that bonding moment, and for some women it does take sometime, so dont worry too much, and know the time will come. The best to do is just what I did, take one day at a time, enjoy the you time and breathe. Your life will change, but for the better, and the way I see my son, is now I have meaning and importance to my life, where I didn't before him.
Good luck, mama!
Loribee said a lot of what I was going to say. You commented you want to fix this before little one comes and I think you shouldn't even put that pressure on yourself. I was just like you with my first. Timing couldn't have been worse. I never got into it. I literally had an epic meltdown of tears at babies r us when trying to register for a shower I didnt even want to have or go to. I had post partum depression and cried when my bf left the house everyday. I was in height of switching careers and working both jobs at time then down to nothing but sitting at home. Lost my clientele I worked for and just felt reduced to sh!t and worthless. First time ever I wasnt fully independent. It was humblimg. I was a great mom short of being "into it" on the inside. I desperately hoped I'd "fall in love at first sight after birth" like I kept reading about and I didn't. Which validated to me that I'm actually horrible person! It does get better though. And it does go away and turn into something amazing. My bf and I marvel over our little one now. EVERY phase upstages the one before it! The more he walks and talks and interacts the more I can't believe how awesome it is. Now I fall in love with him more every day. But unfortunately and honestly it just wasnt that way right from pregnancy. It took me some time to come around to it and assess value to myself in this new role if that makes sense??
p.s. I was sort of like LoriBee too.. I have my associate's degree in health science / radiologic technology.. I'm a certified x-ray tech., but I was well on my way to moving, going back to school, me & my fiancé getting our own place, gosh we had so much going on..... putting some of that on hold is just fine now though. I will be able to go back to school & stuff, just a few months behind! ((:
fear can definitely take over your mind, body, and soul! you're afraid, totally understandable, and I commend you for keeping the baby & going about it the way that you have.
me & my fiancé were basically trying to get pregnant, so I can't say that I understand what you're going through completely - I've always been a "natural mother" in everyone's eyes. I've always wanted babies, was responsible for the nursery at my church, just super in love with babies!
however, when I found out I was pregnant I was terrified, even though I was practically begging for it lol.. I felt as if I couldn't handle the changes my body was going through, I'd end up regretting it, maybe I needed to wait, I don't have the best job right now, etc. my list went on & on.. BUT, at 9w4d my fiancé had to rush me to the ER.. and the FEAR that I had of losing our sweet baby, OVERPOWERED the fear of delivering or taking care of our baby in the future..
here I am now, 19w5d.. our baby boy is due in October, kicking/moving, and I couldn't imagine my life without him already. all the symptoms I have and am suffered, the worries, the money, doctor visits, it is all SO worth it. sorry so long, but I guess my point is.. the joy & excitement will hit you and you'll know it. it's hard to go from it being all about you one day, finding out you're pregnant, and changing EVERYTHING! don't feel bad, but if you ever do begin feeling depressed then yes.. seek help. I think you'll be fine though.. it's only a matter of time!! ((((:
me & my fiancé were basically trying to get pregnant, so I can't say that I understand what you're going through completely - I've always been a "natural mother" in everyone's eyes. I've always wanted babies, was responsible for the nursery at my church, just super in love with babies!
however, when I found out I was pregnant I was terrified, even though I was practically begging for it lol.. I felt as if I couldn't handle the changes my body was going through, I'd end up regretting it, maybe I needed to wait, I don't have the best job right now, etc. my list went on & on.. BUT, at 9w4d my fiancé had to rush me to the ER.. and the FEAR that I had of losing our sweet baby, OVERPOWERED the fear of delivering or taking care of our baby in the future..
here I am now, 19w5d.. our baby boy is due in October, kicking/moving, and I couldn't imagine my life without him already. all the symptoms I have and am suffered, the worries, the money, doctor visits, it is all SO worth it. sorry so long, but I guess my point is.. the joy & excitement will hit you and you'll know it. it's hard to go from it being all about you one day, finding out you're pregnant, and changing EVERYTHING! don't feel bad, but if you ever do begin feeling depressed then yes.. seek help. I think you'll be fine though.. it's only a matter of time!! ((((:
The thing is society tells you that you have to feel a certain way when you're pregnant and if you don't than you're a failure. It's so not true. You haven't failed at any thing. You're feeling what you're supposed to feel and they will change as you get further along and again after the baby comes.
And don't worry, your body bounces right back (vajayjay too)
And don't worry, your body bounces right back (vajayjay too)
Alot more support on this app than I ever imagined ! thanks for all the feedback from everyone :)
Completely normal. I felt the exact same way with my son and I mean EXACT.
I was on a very academic path, had my undergrad from a great university was on my way to a promising career and had just gotten married. When I fell pregnant with my son I cried for a week. I barely bonded with him during the pregnancy and even after he was born it wasn't love at first sight.
It wasnt until he was a couple months old that I started to like being a mom. Then one day he looked at me and it was like I was seeing him for the first time. Finally I was in love.
Fast forward almost 2 years he's the best thing ever to happen to me. I put my career on hold put school on hold and dedicated myself to being a stay at home mom. He's the love of my life.
What I'm saying is it comes. Just let it happen in it's own time.
I was on a very academic path, had my undergrad from a great university was on my way to a promising career and had just gotten married. When I fell pregnant with my son I cried for a week. I barely bonded with him during the pregnancy and even after he was born it wasn't love at first sight.
It wasnt until he was a couple months old that I started to like being a mom. Then one day he looked at me and it was like I was seeing him for the first time. Finally I was in love.
Fast forward almost 2 years he's the best thing ever to happen to me. I put my career on hold put school on hold and dedicated myself to being a stay at home mom. He's the love of my life.
What I'm saying is it comes. Just let it happen in it's own time.
It is funny 6 yrs later I am pregnant wwith my last as much as I said I was not going to have anymore my boy is so gorgeous I think this one will be as beautiful as him now I feel ready. I have morning sickness like crazy and I am not even mad. You will be agreat mom it might take time to adjust but you will be a pro. Sign up for some pregnancy classes they teach how to old the baby and all. When you go for your appointment talk to some mommy some are great help.
YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!!¡ :-) THANKS FOR SUPPORTING HER AND SHARING YOUR STORIES WITH HER. IT MEANS ALOT TO FEEL THIS TYPE OF LOVE:)
I think what ur feeling is actually normal. On the scale of normal at least. I am super excited about this baby and it was planned, and I still have some of these feelings. I haven't ever been around a baby and I am also having a really had time "losing" my body. I know, pregnancy is beautiful and all that jazz but it makes me feel fat and disgusting when I've always been tiny and cute. It's hard for me. I don't love being pregnant (and it's been a cake walk for me symptom wise). So just know I can somewhat relate and I planned my pregnancy! I think therapy is a great idea and would probably help u sort through alot. Good luck mama!
Being pregnant is terrifying. I mean it is necessary to make changes for the new baby. Plus yes the body does go through a lot..But us woman are built for this. I bet once you see your baby it'll all be worth it.
You have a husband whom loves you, which some ladies don't have. Change is difficult for some but Everything is constantly changing anyway..Your probably freaking yourself by over thinking. I myself am already a mom and know I was terrified before I had my daughter to top it off me and her dad weren't getting along. I was young and barley learning how to even get on my own feet which made it harder. I had my daughter and she is the most amazing person I know. She is so bright and watching her grow brings me much joy and brings my soul satisfaction. Yes it is challenging and im.sure.itll probably.only.get more challenging but anything good doesn't come easy. Your blessed just remember that being a mom is the most rewarding feeling ever.
You have a husband whom loves you, which some ladies don't have. Change is difficult for some but Everything is constantly changing anyway..Your probably freaking yourself by over thinking. I myself am already a mom and know I was terrified before I had my daughter to top it off me and her dad weren't getting along. I was young and barley learning how to even get on my own feet which made it harder. I had my daughter and she is the most amazing person I know. She is so bright and watching her grow brings me much joy and brings my soul satisfaction. Yes it is challenging and im.sure.itll probably.only.get more challenging but anything good doesn't come easy. Your blessed just remember that being a mom is the most rewarding feeling ever.
Mag131 - that's another thing, I don't want to resent the little thing! I don't want to fall into depression. I am sure that was soooooo difficult, and alot of people don't understand why or how you could be like that.
I want to fix this before I deliver. I am going to try my best not to slip into depression.
I thought I would get excited when I heard the heartbeat, maybe it will happen when I find out the sex, or feel a kick.
I want to fix this before I deliver. I am going to try my best not to slip into depression.
I thought I would get excited when I heard the heartbeat, maybe it will happen when I find out the sex, or feel a kick.
You know I really thought I was gonna have half of the people mad at me for posting this. But everyone who responded has been very understanding !
I am very very happy for people who are blessed with children, sometimes people aren't so fortunate (another reason we opted to keep).
And I have the most caring, understanding, patient husband. Which is so incredibly great and also makes me feel worse for how I feel lol
I need to snap out of this, and I really want to snap out of this.
I'm a huge wimp apparently , all these women having kids , they're fearless. It's amazing.
I am very very happy for people who are blessed with children, sometimes people aren't so fortunate (another reason we opted to keep).
And I have the most caring, understanding, patient husband. Which is so incredibly great and also makes me feel worse for how I feel lol
I need to snap out of this, and I really want to snap out of this.
I'm a huge wimp apparently , all these women having kids , they're fearless. It's amazing.
I was just like you when I had my first fresh out of college all I wanted to do is be athletic, hang out but the undecided happened. I had no morning sickness with my son. I had to seek help from my parents they were amazing. After I had my son I went in post partum depression. I could not stand my own baby. My mom had to do it all for me until I woke up one morning my son smiled at me for the first. Ever since then all depression and bad feeling went away. I went from being horrible to best mommy. It will take time trust you will love this baby more than anything. Plus your body will bounce back within a month.
Honey, it's life happening. No one is ever prepared. Children don't come with manuals. You know you can schedule a cesarean section if you are extremely concerned about your lady parts. It's an option. Everyone goes through different types emotions when we find out were expecting. I'm a first time mom, I never thought I would ever conceive due to preexisting medical conditions. But hey, life happened and I am blessed. Who knows maybe once you hear your babys, heartbeat for the first time or feel him/her move inside you. You may fall completely in love with that precious gift you are being granted. All I can say is its a shock in the beginning, and uncertainty sinks in. It doesn't make you a bad or terrible person. It makes you decide the course of your life. To each it's own, think about all of the trade off's. Including monetary ones and have an honest chat with yourself. Then your husband. I honestly wish you luck and it's ok to freak out. We've all been there. Keep in mind this forum is to help us all cope.
Also. If your husband isn't aware of your feelings like in sugar coated-make him aware. Start this bonding experience with him now and just focus onsstrengthening it. Me and my husband talk about our fears all the time. Its so comforting to me just to confide in him sometimes and makes my heart happy knowing he knows the "raw" me when it comes to this pregnancy. Support is key!
Good! I'm glad. What helped me too was looking up articles of ways to bond and how bonding isn't always immediate. It made me feel like I was less of a freak haha
Thanks for taking the time! All this honestly helps ease my mind a bit
Farah_remo - Thanks. I know it's difficult for you too... but we have to change
I just sort of wish I had that part of the brain that is overly crazy excited lol... most women are born with it.
I just sort of wish I had that part of the brain that is overly crazy excited lol... most women are born with it.
And btw I've never taken this much time to type a response. But I felt this one is necessary cause it's very rare I feel like. I mean I have yet to meet someone who felt like us when pregnant. Best of wishes to you and the baby!
Yeah exactly. It was scary to me too. Honestly like when I was early on I wasn't really excited at all! Every one on this app shows amazing bonds the second they fund out they are pregnant. I was like um ok I'm pregnant.....I know ima keep it but now what?? Even after my baby shower I looked at all the baby gifts and I was in disbelief. I even woke up throughout my stay at the hospital after birth and was like oh yeah I'm here cause I just had a baby and he's here now. So weird. But yes it's coming slowly. I've found just to keep an open mind and stop thinking about bonding cause I'm always sencond guessing myself like is this bond strong enough yet? Must not be cause I'm here thinking of it!
I understand how you feel, its normal to have those negative emotions towards an unplanned baby. Im 23 weeks and my baby was unplanned, im in the middle of nursing school, none of my friends are anywhere near to being mothers, and my husband to be and I were only dating for a year. Talk about change! I was never any good with kids and always felt awkward around them since im more of a serious/stern person. But im also very spiritual and I do believe once your baby comes into this world, it will be a completely different feeling. I bet your motherly instincts will kick in and you wouldnt picture your life again without your child by your side. Yes, it will take time to adjust to a new life style but hey, thats all part of life and it requires you to be strong minded. And just to add,im also terrified of labor but our bodies are amazing at healing itself over time. Good luck and try to have a positive outlook on life.
I appreciate the feedback. Even just posting this makes me feel better... Robertiansmama - I am glad you are bonding & even more so that we aren't alone I guess... it may take me awhile.
Guess it's more scared than anything else.
Guess it's more scared than anything else.
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