Is it necessary to have a relationship with in-laws?

[aurora92]

I really do not want to have a relationship with my mother-in-law. I am not saying our child or my partner can't at all, just that I personally do not want to be close with her. I think she's incredibly manipulative and insecure, and I just don't want to have a relationship with her. Does anyone feel similarly? And how do you handle it? I just don't want to talk to or spend any time with her, unless it's a family gathering I'm required to be at (ie: holidays, kids bdays).

[firefightergirl1221]

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and my mother in law didn't get along at all until the last few years!  Basically until we started giving her grand babies.. and it was after she moved across the country. . Soooo we don't see each other that much. . But she really ***** at manners and edicate.. I was never even asked I just found out my mother in law is planning on coming and staying with us two weeks after our baby is due and for Christmas! And also for two weeks straight!  I'm a five room house that I have to rearrange furniture as it is so our Christmas tree will fit! And some how have to fit a Queen size air mates in as well!  But I look at it this way. . I only have to deal with it for two weeks them she goes home and I won't see her for another six months!  Let's just hope I don't get post pardem depression like I did last time other wise this is not going to be pretty. . But to answer your Question. . In my case I have to have a relationship with my mother in law in order to keep my marriage happy.. but I suppose it would depend on your particular situation ???

[kennaregister91]

I'm not even gonna go into my vent cuz it would take too long and u ladies covered most of my issues for me, so let me just say I concur! Good to know I'm not alone!

[Treksy]

My mother in law is the mkst burnt out room teml IQ'd B on this planet. She is "disabled" living off the state. But she takes odd jobs from people under the table. Disabled my @ss!
I hate people like that. Chronic copd,emphysema. Smokes like a MF'ing chimney! IN her house,AROUND HER GRAND KIDS! Thinks if she goes in the other room its ok. What an idiot. Seriously. Its taken 6 yrs of training for my husband to realize that shes backward. She charges her kids to baby sit their kids. Like even very part time. Yes, i wanna pay for my kids to sit in a cloud of smoke learning how to be a leach on society.... NOT!
Shes completely uneducated on what breastfeeding is. She HATES that I do it. Says crap like "what if i want to feed him" ummm you had 4 kids that you got to feed. This one is mine. She would watch my son while my husband and I were at work... the kid will be 5 in January and she was always wiping his butt for him! Now i know he wont do a great job but he has to learn. When he goes to school is he gonna call hus teacher in for it? No.  Heck there are grown men who haven't mastered it!

Anyway, keep your contact minimal. Make it out like you're super busy... and eventually she'll lose interest. I only go to events now. Things that are musts only.

I have had a number of screaming matches with her. Shes told me I dont let people have their opinions, i do, when I ASK. She told me my clothes are ugly (from a women who is never out of jeans and baggy t shirts) i got $3500 dental procedure done. It very much needed to be done and she was of the attitude it was a selfish purchase.... she was just jealous. When would a leach like her ever have $3500? Ughhh

I feel you,Omggggg I feel you. I swear that I will never be a crazy bat to my sons wife. Thats what this experience has done for me lol .

Im sorry for the novel.it felt nice though

Ladies who ranted too, stay strong!  <3

[mrsr91711]

My husband comes from a split family and I don't care for either of my mother in-laws, so u are definitely not alone! Selfish and always trying to push things. Not to mention neither of them where very good mothers, between drugs and drinking problems. My husband is ok with them now but I only talk to them when I have to.  I think is fine to not be close but I always try to be the better person and am always nice when I need to

[kezz8848]

My mother in law is goin on holiday wen im due it will be her furst grandchild!!!!!

[aurora92]

See.. mine is very selfish like many of you have mentioned as well, and I am the first person who will stick up for everyone else.. that won't just go along with everything she says. Everyone else just lets her cobtrol and decide everything.. and I don't. I'll say if I don't want to do a certain thing. I used to just go along with it & now I'm sick of it, she took me doing dishes after a family dinner or inviting her to a ladies spa day as me trying to prove something, when that's just who I am.. that's what I do anywhere I go because my parents taught me manners and the spa is something I do with my mom & she always complains that she (MIL) isn't appreciated, so I wanted to make her feel appreciated. I tried to have the kind of relationship I have with my family with her and she just totally skewed it & would make everything dramatic. I never understood why my partner never told her anything & now I see.. and now that we've both told her we want space she is all over us. Texting, calling, asking to spend time with us. It's so irritating. She hadn't texted me for about two weeks and then she found out I was going home and she sent me 7 texts!! About completely random and unnecessary things. She is so weird and I just don't want to play into it anymore.

[aprilj93]

Wow I'm wondering of eveybody doesn't have thos problem. I am cordial with mine when we are there but my husband and I see that she's selfish and doesn't make an effort to be a part of our life or our daughters. So when we visit his grandpa we see her cause she lives next door but aside from that we make no effort to be a part of her life either.

[bbm1188]

My hubbys parents got divorced four years ago and I'm the person each of tgem vents to about eachother. I know more personal intimate details then I'd want to know at this point. My mother in law tries so hard to get me on her side and will talk down on my hubby to saying things like. Youve always been good at seeing the good qualities in chase lol she's a trip. Im thankful I dont have to spend much time with her cause my hubby and her have a rocky relationship. And I'm sick of being the vent to therapist. Of course I get stuck in thst position a lot cause I'm usually quiet and a listener. I would keep my space or just keep the talking to small talk. Avoid her. Nobody says yall have to be close and that's ok.

[taymill]

I have no serious problem with my mother In law. But I'm just not close to her n I like to keep it that way to avoid drama... My hubby n his mom don't get along that good anyway. So its always some kind of drama when he is on the phone with her or when she is around. N she is the type that she will try n drag me into it... And I don't have time for that... So I want no parts in it unless it has something to do with me! N on top of it... When our first daughter was born she only seen her 2 Times... Don't call to talk to her or anything can barely remember her name! Smh... My hubby is closer to my mom then his own. But it is what it is.... I personally like the way things is between us Bcus we can still keep the peace around us n my kids. N I'm glad she moved so I won't have to be so close to her. Sorry... Just telling it like it is... Lol

[aurora92]

Wow! It sounds really similar to my situation actually.. except that we thankfully don't live with her (so sorry you have to with yours!).. but she is older (60's) and she is actually waaay more showy than I am. Like she always has to be center of attention & she has to have everything "just so," where as my mom just let me be my own person. She actually raises her other grandchildren (my SIL is bipolar & the MIL is possessive/controlling/egotistical). While I know things will be different with our child, because I'm capable & healthy, she still just infuriates me. The assumptions she makes about me and the way she acts like she was worlds best mom drives me nuts! And the passive aggressive behavior. I am so blunt.. she is so passive aggressive it drives me crazy! Thank you for sharing & making me feel like I'm not alone/awful. I think a lot will improve for you when you're no longer under their roof!

[cnj76]

I'm the same way. I always wanted a mother in law I could talk to and hang out with to go places...but she's the kind of person that she wants you to do things her way. And, she tries to tell me how to raise my kids. Unfortunately, we're staying with them and have been for the past year because our house had to be redone on the inside. It's taking that long because it was up to my Dh and his father to finish it. We had a water pipe bust and flood the house. They both work so it's hard. Thankfully it's all done but a few doors!! She tells me how she wouldn't go all out for birthday's or Christmas.. Or she wouldn't paint something that color.. Her famous words are... "You can do what you want but what "I" would do" And if you do something and she doesn't approve of it, she talks about you behind your back. And in this family, it always get around. The odd thing is I love her, but I don't like her ways. I've let go of ever getting close to her. My Dh even said he refuses to tell her anything because when he was about 15 or so, he had told her something that needed to be left quiet and as soon as he told her, she went and told everyone. He said to not tell her anything you wouldn't want anyone else to know because she will tell. She talks badly about my sister in laws ALL of the time. Almost daily. So I KNOW she talks about me. But, it's fine. I keep telling myself, it's almost over.. Almost home.... Just ugh.. You can't even talk to her about it because she gets mad and goes to tell anyone that will listen how bad so & so is acting. There is too much gossip going on in the house and I've about had my limit. I do NOT want my kids thinking that it will be ok to talk badly about someone like they do here. I will feel shame if my kids talk down to someone! I've told Dh you eventually become who you're around. And for a while I got caught up in it but I want OUT. I DON'T LIKE IT!!

Okay, thanks for posting this.. It got some things off my chest!! lol