Pregnancy: Feb 2009 Babies Community
SEX...frustrated...
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SEX...frustrated...

Hey everyone I hope you and your little bubs are all great, and I have a question...

It's a bit personal but hey we share everything on here anyway... Basically me and DH pre-pregnancy had the most active sex life ever. It was unusual if we didn't have sex, we would do it pretty much every night. And on a really busy or rocky week we'd probably do it 5 times. Well since being pregnant it has severely decreased, I'm talking once a week and sometimes we'll go about two weeks without it. And when we do have sec it's only because I feel so guilty never doing it anymore I just do it for him and I don't enjoy it one bit. I don't really have a problem being bored for a couple minutes to do some thing nice for him, but I want to like sex again. At first I thought it was just because of the nausea but now that's long gone and I've been waiting to feel that excitement again and it's completely gone. And from what I've heard sex usually gets worse after the baby is born for obvious reasons. So what do I do, should I just accept that I have to wait until next spring to enjoy sex again? Will I randomly start liking it again?

The best way I can describe it is like my body isn't capable of enjoying it, I'm dry and I hate the feeling of the whole thing and (warning graphic) I used to LOVE when he would you know, finish in me, the feeling was amazing, even if the sex wasn't that great the end was always so great for me. But now I'm so sad to say it repulses me. I want to cry, he tries to kiss me during and I squirm away, I just can;t get into it and it literally makes me cry because it's not just about the sex to me, I loved that closeness, the wonderful feeling you get when you're making love and it's all beautiful and romantic, we don;t have that anymore will we ever get it back??
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568905_tn?1291978514
bless ya heart i really feel for you, espeicaly for some1 who has a high sex drive (which by the way my bf doesnt have but i do) im 17 weeks and 2 days and ive only just started getting those feelings back (down there) it was dry and painful before and just honestly couldnt be bothered as in our relationship its normaly me to make the first move so if i dont then i dont get anything, we only do it once or twice a week on a good week.......im sure the whole pregnancy was more luck than judgment! but anyway im going off track, the last week or so i started having sexy dreams which i dont normaly have and ive started getting the feeling back down there, but to be completely frank if we do do it there has to be a lot of foreplay and i really have to concentrate its too easy to let your mind wander onto other issues then your back to square 1! but i found as embarrasing as it is to tell every 1......dare i say it, porn! it works for me just so i keep my mind on the job! not to watch all the time but if its on in the background...i dont know it just does it for me! it is difficult but it does come back and now im more horny than ever and weve just had a row, so thats another week ill have to wait! any way good luck and let us know how you get on
emma x
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231441_tn?1333896366
Hi,

Yeah. It's difficult.  For me it was really painful for a while.  Think I got some inflammation from changing hormones, antibiotics etc.  Got that treated.  Feel much less like it when I'm tired. Even the thought of kissing him makes me nauseous at that time. And I can't stand pressure on my tummy any more.  But he needs it so I do my best.  

What helps. Telling him what is and isn't working.  KY lubricant.  Find the time of day you feel most like it and make sure he cuddles you first (it's sex I don't really feel like, but I like to be hugged etc). For me mornings are much better.  I think the interest will come back.... be patient.  Maybe have to schedule it. :)

Best wishes
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491928_tn?1266181333
thanks a lot, its good to hear i'm not completely alone... I kind of expected my sex drive to go down a little maybe, but not to completely diminish. I have also been feeling so unsexy! I have a little belly, but not big enough to be rockin the big round belly pregnant look, just to look like i've been eating too much and i'm bloated. I feel like a pot belly pig and my skin has gone bad too. those could also be factors. Maybe in the next few weeks it'll start coming back to me, I hope Im like you Emma and next week or the week after it just comes back to me! even a little bit, i'll take what i can get! I'm only 16 weeks so i still have a little bit of time, so much for the honeymoon trimester =(
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448723_tn?1301458558
I usually bed DH 5 times per week, but after about 4 weeks preggers sex didn't interest me at all. It feels weird to have pressure on your belly (even when it isn't full yet) and even if I wasn't feeling particulary nauseous (before it was continuously present) I had developed an aversion to having anything too close to my face.

Needless to say it is quite hurtful for DH when I flinch away when he goes to kiss me, but I spent a lot of time explaining that I love him and want to kiss him, but I feel sick and like I can't have anything near my face. I think it might have something to do with the tiredness. The feeling is very similar to when someone touches your face to wake you up. Very overwhelming. I am 18 weeks today though, and most of that is gone now and my sex drive has been slowly returning over the last 2 weeks.

No one can really say whether or not yours will return before the end of the pregnancy, I have been pregnant twice before and all three of my pregnancies I experienced different pregnancy symptoms, cravings, duration of nausea and sex drive.

One thing that I do know is that if you feel under pressure to have sex and feel guilty when you don't, it will take longer before you are in the mood again.

Sit your partner down and explain to him how you are feeling, and stress how much you miss the sex drive, how attractive you still find him, and how you are looking forward to it returning.
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404232_tn?1253969556
Wow I commend all of you ladies on your high sex drive. Me and dh are only at about 3x's a week max unless of course trying for a baby it is more like once or twice on average and sometimes not at all for three weeks or more although after the two m/c I never minded. I didn't want to push for sex and he was really believeing that too much sex was the reason for one of the m/c and I have tried in vain to explain otherwise. Now that we are restricted from it period it has been almost four months and even though i NEVER thought I would say this I really am starting to miss it. My sex drive usually disappears when I am pregnant for the first trimester, the second trimester usually brings out the really vivid sex dreams and they help me get back into it - being really dry down there too doesn't help much we had to use a lot of lubricant back then. But now it seems as though that wouldn't be a problem this time around and we can't do anything about it per doctors orders. I feel guilty and sad for my husband but he has said of his own accord he is perfectly happy going without as long as the babies live and are healthy - what a guy huh?!?!?
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