If this is killing you so much, see a therapist. not sleeping and crying all the time seems awfully over the top. What anxieties or insecurities are driving this? If my husband went to a sex show in Thailand, I'd be surprised (it's not really in his character) but for heaven's sake I wouldn't fall apart. On the other hand, we've been married a long time. Is this because you're not sure of him in other ways? Maybe it's time to explore that, and a counselor could help a lot.