Should I be mad?

[CaitRhea]

So it's Valentine's Day and I didn't plan on spending the entire day arguing with my boyfriend but that's all we've done all day. First, let me explain why. He didn't have anything planned for today besides making me breakfast. Which he never even got around to doing because he's sooooo tired. Second, I love any and all gifts of course but he didn't even care enough about the gifts for me to sign the card before he gave it to me and he didn't try to present them in any kind of way he just handed them to me and left the room immediately. Third, after fighting all day I had to work and when I got home I was hoping the rest of the night would go smoothly but if course no. He'd invited a ton of people to our apartment and was waiting on more to come over and had the audacity to wonder why I was just "trying to pick an argument" when all I wanted was to spend time alone with him and for him to actually want to spend time with me for once. And now he won't even come talk to me about anything like an adult he just ignores every effort I've made but is still trying to invite friends over. Am I overreacting or do I have reason to be really angry? Because I'm pretty angry.

[RockRose]

Cait,  you're hard to please.  He gave you gifts,  and a card,  and that made you mad.

I really think the way a couple works out how to do Valentines Day in a happy and loving way sets the stage for whether they will be together long term or not.  Coming together,  as a couple,  and enjoying each other on Valentines day (whatever that means,  going big or going really really small) and you end up really angry on Valentines Day,  that doesn't bode well at all for the future of your relationship and the ability to ride out the storms with each other.  Because there will be storms.

Same thing as couples who are pregnant and can't come up with a name they agree on for the baby in a civil way.  It turns into a furious slashing out at each other,  locking horns,  coming up with bizarro names that of course the other partner is likely to not like,  insisting on one name the first name and one pick the middle name,  etc.  It's a bellweather for how well the couple can figure out how to parent together.

So.   He did put some effort into this.  He got you gifts and a card and for that he was in trouble all day because he didn't sign the card.

I've seen couples like this,  and they're divorced.  If he is unable to please you with his attempt,  and instead it makes you really angry so you go off in your room and pout while he has friends over,  he won't try again.

Same thing when the baby comes.  If he tries to help out,  and all you do is tell him what he did wrong,  he will retreat to his chair in the corner and you won't get much help.

[specialmom]

I've been married several years.  I realized early on that my husband isn't the best gift giver.  I mean, his idea of a great gift was an umbrella with a flashlight on the end of it, slipper with skids on them and serving spoons . . .   our first Christmas together, no joke.  Sigh.  I finally decided that this is okay----  because he is great in other ways.  But when I wanted something, I spelled it out.  As in I cut out a picture, put it on paper---  write out EXACTLY where it is, how much it is, the SkU number if I have it.  Heck, I might even put it on hold so all he has to do is show up and pay.  :>)  Giving gifts is not his gift.  I told him that I DO always like roses and I get the same roses for every Valentines, anniversary and birthday.  

I had a boyfriend that would be so creative for occasions.  He put so much thought into things and made it really special.  He had the gift of gift.  But dang, he cheated on me.  

So, I take my bad gift giver husband any day over that!  :>))  

spell out what you want with a smile.  

Oh, and I gave my husband a list of things that make me feel loved.  He still has it.  It's funny because I saw he was checking things off of it like if he did it once, he was done.  :>(  But he's kept the list for years and uses it to make me feel good.  

My husband is a little clueless but he knows it.  

[CaitRhea]

I guess my main problem is that this isn't our first Valentine's Day but his excuse for not having done anything for me was that he didn't know what I want. We're going on 3 years together I mean if you haven't figured it out by now...? Come on, even men can't be THAT clueless. And even now, hours after I shut myself off in our room to be sad and emotional, he's still in the next room just having a good ole time with his buddies that he invited over in place of just being with me. He's come in here once since I did so he could get money to go to the store with his friends. He asked if I wanted anything (nicest thing he's done for me this entire week) and I refrained from saying I wanted to drop kick him in the face. Which I do. Very badly.

[tiaspilchuk4]

I got diddly squat for valentines day from my hubby.  Nothing, nadda!  When i woke up this morn he was already in the garage working on the truck.  I spend the day inside cleaning and waddling my fat a$$ around (at 39 weeks we all do the waddle!)  while he was excitedly rebuilding his truck.  Deep down i was hoping that when he ran into town to get parts he would bring me back something,  nope!  Most Men just dont think that way.  When he saw i got him a gift he said "oh i didnt get you anything"  and that was the end if it!  

[Hmph16]

I'm sorry ladies you're all having a difficult time today :( my bf went to work in the morning then picked me up from my mom's at 8pm I wasn't expecting anything materialistic but to see he didn't get anything not even a card not even a hug he told me he was sorry and that he'd make it up I'm so upset because I'm probably getting induced Tuesday we're on limited "us" time and he doesn't show appreciation/affection :( then we fought/talked about how I was feeling and he just went to sleep I don't even want him in the delivery room :'( you're not overreacting our boyfriends are lame

[isabela2]

U guys have it better than me. I think I'm going to end up getting divorced my husband and I haven't talked in a month we still living together and he did not get me anything I kind of was wishing for him to send me flowers or something to make up but nothing :(

[annamarie1193]

Same here, I had to work. Came home at 6 with his gift, and he was sleeping and would not wake up. Im beyond mad. I'm about to go to sleep. He's been sleeping the whole night.

[Marissalara]

That's how me and my boyfriend have been lately. I've learned that the more we argue, regardless of who is right and who is wrong, it puts him in a state of mind where he doesn't want to do nice things for me. And then I get more upset. He does everything he can to avoid arguing and that includes talking about it because in his mind that leads to an argument. So he tries to spend more time with his friends to avoid arguments with me because I'm just a hormonal ticking time bomb that could explode at any moment lol.
It's gotten better though, I've decided to not expect so much from him because he really is trying just not in the right way. It's really important to bring things up that are bothering you in a way that doesn't sound like you are trying to start an argument. Like the girl stated previously by saying "you know what I would love" instead of "why don't you do this and that."
Guys are just afraid of arguments and they don't like it so they will do everything to avoid it. They need to feel loved and appreciated and when they are constantly being told what they are doing wrong they say "fine I'll stop trying" instead of "oh so maybe I should try doing more for her" like we would wish for them too lol.
Bottom line is no you are not overreacting and you deserve to be mad, but for the sake of your relationship you will need to take a different approach if you want different results :) good luck!

[african_mama_bear]

That sounds good maybe i should address it like that also hopefully things change

[specialmom]

When I need my husband to understand where I am coming from, I pick a time in which we are getting along to talk about things.  and I try to present it like "you know what I'd love?  If we could just spend some fun time me and you and no one else to get closer.,"  Like a heart to heart rather than they are doing something wrong.  That works out best for me and my husband when I'm trying to ask for a need to be met.  if I do it when I'm irritated, it never comes out right and that is when we argue.  So, try to talk about your needs when it isn't in the heat of the moment or when you are arguing.  good luck to all

[african_mama_bear]

I am the same way all i want is for my boyfriend to spend time with me but at times i feel he rather spend all dy everyday with his friends its very frustrating but dont worry about it hun dont stress cause me stressing about that and always arguing almost made me have a miscarriage

[specialmom]

Oh, and I do want to say that I'm sorry you had a crummy Valentines day.  Hopefully things will get better soon.  peace

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I'm  not sure.  He got you gifts but didn't present them to you properly sounds a bit like an overreaction.  Just being honest.  And that you BOTH argued all day . . .   takes two to argue . . .   means he didn't have a great day with you either.  Perhaps the friends were a buffer.  

I would try to let go of being angry about it and try again tomorrow to connect on a deeper level and not bicker so much.  good luck