need mother in law help!!!

[candigrl89]

Okay so my mother in law wants to be in the delivery room while i have the baby, i have been with her son for 2years and shes always been really supportive of everything we have done...we have a pretty good relationship but i dont feel like we're anywhere near close enough for this to happen. This will be her first grandbaby born and while i understand get excitement and enthusiasm i just dont feel comfortable with the idea of her being in the room at such a special and vulnerable time. She also asked today during a visit how long i planned to breastfeed and asked if it would only be a month or so bc shes really excited and cant wait to be able to keep him. I kinda changed the topic and it went smoothly and was never brought back up, i did tell my boyfriend however after she left that taking a 4week old baby overnight is a really uncomfortable thought for me and that i really wouldn't be interested in that whatsoever and he didn't really say anything. I know i have to put my foot down because i get the feeling if i dont he is more then okay (especially being a mommas boy) with her being front and center during delivery and then wanting to take the baby asap for an overnight stay. Any advice on how to approach these topics would be greatly appreciated ladies because the stress of just thinking about it is driving me insane.

[candigrl89]

My mother takes my kids for weekend visits sometimes as does my hubbys mom, she has been amazing at treating them just like her own grandkids and not a step grandma, but yes this will be her first biological grandchild and also my last as im having a tubal done after this baby is born. So all children will have the same 2 grandmas and be shared equally, however my mother is as appalled at the thought of removing a newborn overnight from his mother as i am and said she would never dream of even asking that of me because she feels that is inappropriate and not good for a baby of that age to be lugged and passed around so as far as her being the more active grandma thats proving to be somewhat true in regards to wanting the newborn

[RockRose]

candi,  I honestly think the bigger deal here is there this one baby,  your third,  will have a very active grandma and your two older ones don't?  (I'm just guessing here).

Sibling rivalry is bad enough without factoring in very doting loving grandmothers for one child only.  

[susamor]

yeah since the reasoning with him approach didnt work you need to try another approach. Because this wont be the only thing his mom and you will disagree on. And if you give in once she's gonna want to do it again and again.  Moms can be very influential on their sons and interfere with your marriage. You don't even have to argue with her and your man. Just be firm in your position and they will have no choice but to respect you. Because what you want MATTERS! :) dont try to please everyone. Just do what you know is best for you and baby.

[sgulia1987]

Oh heck no. My MIL wanted to stay for a week after and is used to taking her grandchildren home for the weekend as soon as mommy gets out of the hospital. I had to shoot her down on all of the above. I'd be so mad if my husband thought I was being unreasonable. I breastfed a year so thst was my shield from any of that. I always just said sorry can't im breastfeeding and don't have the supply to send with him. (Plus im not pumping every 2 hours just so you can take my baby home when I don't want you to.)

[mkaysag]

I ended up having both my mother in law and my mother in the delivery room. I originally did not plan on having my mother in law in during deliver but she ended up being so helpful in the beginning when we were admitted I didn't want her to leave the room. I birthed grand baby #6 for her and I'm the only one she got to be a part of and it was really special. Out of her 3 daughter in laws, I'm also the only one who invited her to an ultrasound. My advice would be to not make any harsh decisions now about who you will and will not want in the room with you. Your labor and delivery nurse will politely kick out anyone you don't want in there. You may end up needing more support than from your boyfriend/hubby.

[candigrl89]

Well ladies i talked to my hubby about it more this morning and bc i have two children from a previous relationship he feels like im being unreasonable, he said this is his first baby and im being way to "momma bear" about it. He said he sees nothing wrong with his mom wanting to take our newborn overnight and that she is a good mom. So needless to say the anxiety is only growing, i dont know what to do at this point since he wont seem to come to a compromise other then to just go ***** mode when our little boy arrives and make it clear it doesn't matter what number of child this is for me he will not be leaving my side until i am comfortable with it ...is this the correct approach since the dad is not backing me up at all?

[hcross16]

I too have a crazy lol. When she stops by to visit she will stay for months. I got tired of her car being here all the time. My mom does not do that to me. She has her own life and doesn't like to impose. My mil is the opposite. I had to make my house not so comfortable for her. She has been sleeping in my daughter's room, so I put a small tv and DVD player so she can hang out and watch tv in there.and I just ended up not being so nice, not rude, just more uncomfortable. And she left. I understand how you feel. Good luck

[Newmomma_2015]

I'm in the same boat omg... My MIL has been very helpful since I've known her but sometimes I think she's a little too pushy. She wants to be in the room and I told her ok but after a few months I got to thinking about it and I told her I actually wanted some more time to think about who I wanted in there. Her response was, "just planning on it being you two? (Me and hubby) I politely texted back "I just need some time to think about it" so since I didn't say I just wanted us two in there she texts him the NEXT MORNING saying she wanted him to come over and talk to him. I said oh my god. I already know what it's about. Like holy craap! All i said was I wanted to think about it. Like how dare her? It's MY body lol and she's not MY MOM. Anyways also a few months prior she asked if I wanted her to stay with us for the first two weeks when he's born and I said ok (you know, thinking I would need the help) but when I told my mom she said ABSOLUTELY NOT that I would go crazy and that she would interfere with us bonding as a family and she would be running to him in the middle of the night when he's crying and I wouldn't learn on my own to take care of him. sooo Long story short I told her she can be in the room BUT I won't be needing her to stay with us for two weeks. Lol it was like taking one away and giving one to her. BUT I have this strong feeling she's going to be at our house all day everyday when he's born and I'm gonna just have to slowly take him in my room and shut the door lol and maybe she'll get the hint. Sorry for the long post but it's so funny I relate to all of you .

[Teenie454]

Love seeing all these replies :) as I too have a pushy MIL. We aren't telling family when it comes time for delivery. I want as long as I can alone with baby and husband, enough time for skin to skin contact, feeding, bonding, holding, loving, selfies w/ baby :) time to freshen up and eat. Then we will slowly call 2 people at a time to visit us if they want to see the baby. I'm putting up my hand with only 2 people extra allowed in the room with us. I'd lose it if I had his parents and mine both jabbing at me with "what happend during delivery" questions or did she come out of your vagina or did you feed her yet or did you change her diaper, why does she have a birthmark there, or I don't like her name. God now I'm making myself crazy thinking about the questions!
Good luck with your delivery ladies! Haha

[nonomommyx2]

Oh lord help you.  I've got the same MIL....  with our first I was lucky because we were 1000+ miles away so she couldn't pull any stunts.  But the second?  We were 45 minutes away and she wanted to be there.  When my DH said that it would be just the 2 of us, him and i, she was NOT happy.  But said she would wait in the waiting room.  He told her to not do that as well.  It added pressure onto me and I didn't need that.

My DH stood up and said no.  Make your BF do the same.  It is NOT her baby, it is NOT your job to cater to her needs.  This is your oregnancy, your delivery, your baby.  She can complain and hate you forever but these are your memories.  This is your time with the baby.  She can help after you get home, but do not let her force you to stop breastfeeding for her own selfish needs.

I'm telling you this with the utmost understanding as we gave DH's mom her first grandson after 5 granddaughters.  The pressure she put on me was insane.  But DH stood up for me and my decisions and took the brunt of her displeasure so that I could focus on what was most important, our son and our family.

Good luck!

[Naki123]

Labour can be a very stressful time on a first time mom. You don't know what to  expect.

I would explain to your partner that you only want your self and him in the room. Together I would then explain to your mother in law that only the two of you will be in the room.

As for keeping the baby over night, I wouldn't address this until the baby is here. If you are breast feeding you can not have anyone watch the baby for a while because the baby is depending on you. So I would just explain when she ask for the baby that you are breast feeding. If you end up formula feeding I would just explain to her that you are not ready to be away from the baby, but that you would take her up on her offer to watch the baby when he/she is a little older. If you get any resistance to this, you then unfortunately have to be a little more stern with your response.

Stick to what you want, your child is only a baby for so long and you should enjoy your time together however you want to.

Best of luck.

[susamor]

I love reading motherinlaw stories because I usually can relate! If I were you, and if it's possible, I'd breastfeed as long as possible and use that as an excuse. That the baby is inconsolable until she is breastfed and that thats how your baby falls asleep. You could also say that you wouldn't be able to sleep without your baby. You'd miss your baby too much. My mil takes her other nephews to her house for sleepovers all the time even though the boys don't want to. She always says when is my daughter sleeping over her house and i always just smile and nod no :D (I don't have the most reliable mil, but that's another story). I have told my husband that i will never be comfortable doing that and that's about all you can do. As long as your partner knows your position he'll have to respect it as well as your mother in law. I know how anxious you must feel. With my first pregnancy i would dream my mother in law was trying to kidnap my baby.

[Sacredpregnancy]

Your mother-in-law is nuts if she thinks a four week old baby should be away from its mother overnight! But I understand that you want to be tactful about it. Mothers are encouraged to breastfeed for much longer than a month... 1-2 years is healthy, certainly. That doesn't mean she can't babysit, but you have the right to gauge the appropriate time as baby grows. My niece never spent the night with me until she was about 2 years old; and that was her mother's prerogative.
I think that if the subject comes up, you could project a kind, wait and see attitude; but be resolute if she pushes you too early.
As far as delivery room, you need to be very honest with your boyfriend. Birth is NOT the time or place for you to focus on anything but relaxing and moving through your contractions with focus and a peaceful atmosphere. Labor can stall, fail to progress, and be much more painful if you are stressed in any way. It is not fair to put any undo pressure on you and it could interrupt a smooth, safe labor. You don't have to tell anyone you are in labor or going to hospital and you can tell your boyfriend how important this is for you and every other laboring woman. My own mother will not be allowed in my room. Her anxious energy is the LAST thing I need, as much as I love her. She can wait in the family room with everyone else. My husband will be my guard!!

[nahikari]

I'm on the same boat, put ur foot down early, I have 19 days to go and I'm still dealing with her trying to be in the delivery room, + she wants to stay w us for the first few weeks... our house is a 2/2. So she thinks the baby room is available for her, her 10 yr old daughter and my baby to share... crazines.... not happening.... put ur foot down, the earlier the better...