she's always Sick... sick... sick....

[Shaunacee67]

I don't know how to tell my boyfriend that I really would Like if his daughter didn't have to be around (when my son is born) with out it starting  a fight... But she's always sick...  Everytime it's his turn to keep she has a really bad cough and her whole nose is slammed packed with boogers (dark green ones) she can't even breath.....  And I've tried telling him about it before because she gets my daughter sick everytime she comes around...  And it really pisses me off nobody likes to be sick and I feel I put my daughter at risk by allowing her to come around sick....  And the wayy things are lately with a new flu everyday...  I just don't think it's a good idea to have her around my son!!! Uuuugggghhh!!! Three months and I guess I have to be the bad guy!!

[specialmom]

good luck to you sweetheart.  

[indimarch2013]

I understand you , specialmom and rock ross alwayys think they know everything and try to come down on people , its not normal for a child to be sick all the time itd just not regardless if you husband came as a package deal or not theres no way i would let a child step child or not come around my kids just to get them sick thats not fair just like i wouldnt let my child around other kids if she was sick let alone a newborn baby thats immune system isnt that strong like that's  common knowledge even if one of my kids were sick id keep them away from the sibling in there bed away from everyone and when the had to be around them keep hands clean ect. But you have the right to protect your kids she doesnt live there so you cant make her get better in two days (weekends) thats her MOTHERS job and if she aint doing it her FATHER should want to take her to the doctor or take it a step futher and see why his child is always sick . I dont feel your wrong at all for feeling like that . People wonder why all these germs and stuff get spread because people are so worried about doing this and that when there child is sick instead of takinging the time staying home till they get well my daughter is almost two and only has been sick twice her whole life and never been sick more than 5 days if that why because when she is sick i keep her HOME away from people if they dont live with me and my husband and its just us till her sister gets here so aunts uncle grandparents everybody stays away till she is better point blank , but just pray ill pray for you and that poor little girl cause i know she has to be miserable

[specialmom]

Going to school and going to your father's house are a LOT different.  You should be welcome in your parents home.  

[Shaunacee67]

Ummm....  No she basically asking if the situation was vice versa would I be okay with him asking me not to have my around his well sick.....  (or that's the way I took it) and I said yes I feel it's totally agreeable to keep my SICK CHILD  away  from his healthy kids....  Lol....  So judgemental....  Thank you ladies those who had advice to to offer and not garbage to talk....... Either wayy I feel that's whats wrong with schools today people assuming it's okay and it's natural for children to be ill walking around getting other children I'll....  It's simple if your child is ill...  Keeping in bed.... Give them meds and "nurse" them back to health.... No it's not normal for a child to be sick for months and months on end....  And no it's not okay for a child to run around getting other children sick period....!!  But I'm sure the kid who's sitting in the class room completely drain with green boogers around there nose... And a 102° coughing  up lung is perfectly healthy in your eyes..  And the children BETTER JUST BUILD THERE IMMUNE SYSTEM UP OR SUFFER RIGHT.....?  I'm over it...  Thankz!

[RockRose]

Shaunna,  are you saying you're willing to send your child somewhere else if she gets sick,  same as you will not allow your boyfriend's daughter in your own home with your baby?

Where are you going to send your child away to,  until she's healthy again?

[specialmom]

I just don't think you can stop her from coming over.  That wouldn't be right to do to her or her dad.  That's the bottom line.  The only other thing you can do is ask your husband to go to her rather than her come to him.  But then he'll be over at his ex's house visiting her.  And away from you and your kids.  But she needs her time with her dad.  

It's always hard to figure this stuff out.  

Now, one thing I do is hand sanitize.  I have it in every pocket, the kitchen drawer, my purse . . .   so, sanitize her hands over and over again.  My poor boys get chased around with it.  they are used to it but other moms look at me like I'm nuts.  But whatever, it makes me feel better.  

So just do what you can.  I would say maybe the very most is you can ask for her to not come over the first two weeks after the baby arrives home from hospital.  But beyond that, I just think you set yourself up for a ticked off husband because it is hurtful to suggest someone's child isn't welcome.  It really could do some marital damage.  good luck ---  again, it does sound like a hard situation.  

[Shaunacee67]

Yes...  I would keep my child away until she is healthy... And not causing other children to become...  The same wayy...  I keep my child home from school... So that her friend and playmates...  Don't get what she has.....

[Shaunacee67]

This will be my second child I know how kids get sick I've been through it all my daughter will be 8 in March....  And this is different get her on weekends and she has never came over with out being sick all year....  I know the situation sounds petty I'm a mom...  And I have plenty of family with children....  But it different when it's something you can't change...  And can't change her situation at home with her mother...  So I have to deal with my child being sick more often than needs be....??  I guess we all have different  views on things and everyone is entitled to there opinion.....  But would you continue to watch a sick child every weekend knowing that your child will get sick....  Almost every time you do???  

[specialmom]

you chose to marry a man with children.  They are indeed a packaged deal.  Just like you will be if you don't end up with him down the road with your children.  Think of that . . .   you break up with this man and have your kids, meet a new man and he says he doesn't want your kids around because he thinks they have too many boogers, are too sick and have been parented improperly so he'd rather you not have them there with you.

Wouldn't that stink?  Would you stay with someone who thought that way about your kids?

[specialmom]

Once you have one child in preschool, this is what happens.  Kids pick up all sorts of germs during that time frame.  Parents who have never had kids that age yet don't quite understand that.  You can go from one virus to another and it lasts until about first grade.  Then the immune system has experienced a lot and kids get sick less often.  This is all pretty normal.  

I was a maniac mom, stay at home mom, very diligent and my younger son was sick a good deal.  

It's not parenting that keeps kiddos from getting sick.  It is the environments they spend time in, the nature of the age, and their bodies not yet exposed to many things so they pick up bugs very easily.  

It will happen to your child too, I promise you.  

have her touch feet only when she wants to touch baby.  My pediatrician gave me that tip.  And just know that your baby while nursing has some of your immunity to help fight things off.  It will be okay----  

Have you seen that commercial where the lady has her first baby and she is holding him and someone comes over to hold the baby and she makes them use hand sanitizer and tells them to put it all around their neck too just in case.  And then they show her with her second baby and she hands the baby off to a mechanic with grubby hands so she can write a check.  It really IS kind of like that.  We obsess over first babies and by the second one, we do the best we can knowing we can only do so much.

good luck

[Shaunacee67]

You guys sound like him.....  I feel like he should love and treat his children the same and he should have enough love the kids that aren't sick to wanna make a change..... Why should the child we share born and unborn....  Have to put up with being sick because they can't get it together as parents???? Should I look at it like he loves or cares for her more...  Because he feels it's okay for his other children to be sick.....  He needs to take charge and see why his child is always sick....  And should understand why I feel this way....  Package deal yes...  Risking my children???? I don't think so....  The daughter we share together is very active and loves being out side and on The move...  And when she's sick shes miserable...  So unfair...  Is what they are being....  Common sense.... Her mother should find some and help her child!!!!!!  

[Shaunacee67]

Yes....  Such a hard situation....!!! Because Its true I should treat her like I would treat my daughter....  But I don't have have her all the time so I can't apply my parenting to her to prevent her from becoming sick in the first place....  This has been going on for some time.... Now and we've  gone over it  and he thinks I like how do when it comes The situation because I just don't want her around.....  But thats not the case...  I just that when she goes home I'm now stuck with a sick child...  And now my child has to miss school and go to doctors and take meds and I just don't like it...  Kids should be healthy yes...  Some situations are avoidable and child have issues.... But I truly believe this is just a case of not wearing proper clothing.... And not being taken care correctly for the cold to completely Go away.... I have told him that her situation could be something serious and they need to be a little more concerned about her health..... Because she has seriously been sick all summer....  All winter spring and fall...  So....  I try my best to just keep up after her wiping things down making sure me daughter is washing hands and not sharing food or drinks...  But it's kinda like when people send there kids to school sick of course your child is gonna play with there friend....  Well I hope he finds away to understand... How I feel and me not wanting to risk the baby....!!  

[specialmom]

In all honesty, if someone told me that they didn't want my child around, I'd say okay and the both of us would leave.  He's a packaged deal with his child, period.  You got with him when he had a child and therefore, you either have to encourage his involvement with his child or you shouldn't be with him anymore.  

That little girl is family, boogers and all.  

I also remember how gross I thought little children was until my own kids were toddlers.  

But I would tread very lightly with any suggestion that his daughter shouldn't be over as often as she wants her to be.  That would be a relationship deal breaker for any respectable parent.  good luck

[ashleyn1206]

I agree I would take her to a pediatrician and have her evaluated.   However,  she shouldn't be kept from her father for being sick.  You can set some rules no one sick can touch/hold baby.  You can maybe ask mom to switch weekends.  But I'm sure the transition will be difficult bringing a new baby in and keeping her away. You don't want her to feel like an outcast.  

[etismyhero]

I agree with Lanyb. She is part of your family too and its not her fault she gets sick. Try to teach good hygiene to help it from spreading to the baby, but its not bad if the baby gets a cold. It helps build their immune system.

[Lany_b]

She should be treated as your child too. She shouldn't be kept from her father because shes sick!... all kids get sick if they're around other kids. Your precious baby isn't any better or more precious to him or shouldn't be anyway- get over yourself! Teach her not to touch the baby if shes sick and wash her hands... she sould be treated as if she is part of your family and as an older sibling.... because wether you like it or not.... she is.

[starryeyes0784]

I would say that if I were in the situation  (and I kind of am as far as having 3 stepdaughters), just start telling EVERYONE (your parents, your boyfriends parents, your boyfriend, friends and any other family members that may come around the baby) that anyone with a fever, runny nose or cough won't be allowed around your baby. If someone must be around the baby (your boyfriends daughter specifically) and they are sick, make them wear a mask and use lots and lots of soap and/or hand sanitizer. You can't be too cautious about a baby's health, especially a newborn. I wouldn't wait until the last minute to discuss it with your boyfriend either. If it's a subject that's likely to upset him, you're going to have to put you foot down and he's going to need time to accept it. You are the mother of the child and you have the right to protect it.

[Ajayne83]

I'd be taking her to the doctors and getting meds or give each her a better diet. It's not a good sign that the child is always sick but she also could have a very weak immune system. Up her vitamins I guess hope for your sake your baby will have a stronger immune system.

[schenner2]

No one who is sick should come around a newborn.  It is just common sense for an adult to stay away when sick so a child should be no different.  Just explain to him that when it happens if his daughter is sick she should not be around your newborn.  I would tell my own mother the same thing.  You do not want to risk a newborn getting a cold which turns into pneumonia.  I wouldnt make a huge deal of it now though since when the time comes she could be healthy! But i would stand my ground if she is sick when your baby is born.  Not worth the risk in my mind. Especially since kids dont understand how contagious things are and just cough and sneeze wherever.

[3rdNdone]

I understand how you feel but if you and your boyfriend are sharing a home I suggest you treat her the way you would if your daughter was sick. Get medicine, the vaporizer or humidifier which ever she needs, make sure she is eating food that will make her feel better and make sure she has lots of liquids. You could have her lay down until she  is better, which lessens that chance of anybody else getting sick, of course you can make sure dad does it if you are worried about getting sick. Make sure to have plenty of antibacterial  wipes to keep everything clean as possible.

[two_princesses]

I agree with wyattsmom2015 but don't make the child feel bad because it is not their fault and imagine how she feels constantly being sick! Poor thing

[due22jan15]

I think all of yous need to get the flue shot it will help it might be better saying that instead of say you dont want the kid around

[Eevee_moon]

Yes tell him to take her to the Dr.  It's his daughter you can't keep her away but I definitely understand how you feel. Maybe make sure she doesn't come to close and have those lysol sprays to spray around..

[manda0311]

Try not to worry about something that hasn't happened yet, when it's closer to your due date like a week or sooner then be like babe I don't think it would be a good idea for so and so to come over when we come home with the baby if she's sick, we're already going to be exhausted and trying to get into a routine and trying to keep the newbie from catching whatever she has will just be too much for us.