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Baby shower battles
I am having my baby shower on June 20th. My mom and my sister are throwing it but my MIL keeps asking to throw a different one for five people from her family an hour away. Normally I would understand but she wants to do it for a cousin I have met once in five years, so it won't inconvenience her. We drive an hour out for every holiday and don't complain. My family has worked hard on my baby shower and secured a big enough space so both families can fit. Is it just me or is she just being rude?
So you are saying it's not that it is a shower that makes the situation difficult, but that you think this is just another in her long line of wanting to do things her way or not at all. (I was assuming it was just a shower with no emotional subtext, I would have taken a shower thrown for me by complete strangers if one had come my way. lol)
Anyway, if she is beginning to bug you by not seeming to go out of her way for you, I'd say that you will soon enough be in a better position to tell her you are too busy to make the drive or whatever. If she is keen on having a grandchild, she will make the drive. (And don't get your hopes up about the aunts and uncles. My son has cousins he only sees once a year, who live in the same metro area. To everyone's defense, I will note that it takes an hour and a half to drive to their house or them to ours, but we all are also not that excited about getting together.)
It is no fun to dislike your inlaws, all I can say to help you hope things will get better is that over time this kind of scorekeeping and obligatory stuff tends to ease, either the person who drives you crazy changes her ways, or she dies. Try to be light about it, since your husband is the one who gets hurt if you draw a line in the sand.
Anyway, if she is beginning to bug you by not seeming to go out of her way for you, I'd say that you will soon enough be in a better position to tell her you are too busy to make the drive or whatever. If she is keen on having a grandchild, she will make the drive. (And don't get your hopes up about the aunts and uncles. My son has cousins he only sees once a year, who live in the same metro area. To everyone's defense, I will note that it takes an hour and a half to drive to their house or them to ours, but we all are also not that excited about getting together.)
It is no fun to dislike your inlaws, all I can say to help you hope things will get better is that over time this kind of scorekeeping and obligatory stuff tends to ease, either the person who drives you crazy changes her ways, or she dies. Try to be light about it, since your husband is the one who gets hurt if you draw a line in the sand.
My MIL is the same way. I feel your pain :( and it gets easier when you stop caring and just tell them I don't really need to have two if we are already having this one and I'd rather not drive that far when I'm tired and feel bad anyway. Might MIL does this stuff just to spite my side of the family and act like what my family does isn't good enough. I'd just say Maybe if the cousin doesn't want to drive down for this one she can just see us after the baby is born. I get tired of people acting like well you're getting a gift so you should be grateful when you didn't ask for the gift in the first freaking place. Like I'll buy my own bounce chair if it means I don't have to deal with stupid crap from you people! Lol There's a fine line between being courteous and being a doormat with these people and if you feel like I do I'm tired of being the doormat.
I haven't been rude to her thus far. I'm just getting frustrated that she is pushing this on me after being rude to my family when they asked her to help. Also that one cousin asked to be invited and barely knows my husband and is in perfect health, I actually asked. Not only that but we travel for his family at least 10 times a year. So yes I'm not going to be rude to my family and have two separate showers when they have worked so hard on it. All I wanted was our families to mingle and get to know each other and she just wants to do her own thing. She did the same thing for our wedding, she just focused on her and what she was wearing. Not what we were doing or wanted. She actually managed to wear the ONE color I didn't want her to wear, because it was the same color as my mohs dress. So yes I don't think any of this is about her just being polite. I think its about her wanting to do whatever she wants to do.
You are saying that because she wants to go to the trouble to throw you a party, but you have to drive an hour, she is being rude? But all the five people who she expects to attend this party and spend money on gifts, live near to her and not close to you?
You have the right not to go to the party, and to thank her charmingly and give her some kind of general fib about not wanting to be driving that long of a distance in your pregnant state. What you don't have the right to do is spit in the hand of someone who would like to throw you a party. Either be gracious and go, or be gracious and refrain.
Possibly the cousin is not in good shape to drive an hour to come to a party. Perhaps the cousin has said, "You want me to buy a present for that in-law of yours that I have only met once? Really?" and she has told the cousin that it will be fun, she won't have to go to a lot of trouble because the party is right here in town. The last thing she needs is you copping attitude on top of that because five people don't want to drive an hour to come to a baby shower.
Like I said, you can refuse the honor of her throwing a shower, but for heaven's sake, do it graciously. It's a real act of support that people want to throw them, and it's also an act of support that people come to them.
You have the right not to go to the party, and to thank her charmingly and give her some kind of general fib about not wanting to be driving that long of a distance in your pregnant state. What you don't have the right to do is spit in the hand of someone who would like to throw you a party. Either be gracious and go, or be gracious and refrain.
Possibly the cousin is not in good shape to drive an hour to come to a party. Perhaps the cousin has said, "You want me to buy a present for that in-law of yours that I have only met once? Really?" and she has told the cousin that it will be fun, she won't have to go to a lot of trouble because the party is right here in town. The last thing she needs is you copping attitude on top of that because five people don't want to drive an hour to come to a baby shower.
Like I said, you can refuse the honor of her throwing a shower, but for heaven's sake, do it graciously. It's a real act of support that people want to throw them, and it's also an act of support that people come to them.
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