trust issues with partner

[cw826]

My fiance and I are expecting our first child in September.  We both have one child each from previous relationships.  I found out the other day that he was texting and talking to another female. Turns out she is not into guys and I talked to her. I've never been one to go through a phone or check up on someone but my instincts were telling me something was going on. I was able to obtain the texts that were exchanged and in one of them he had said that he can't believe after all this time (6years) that she still had feeling for him because he still has feelings for her and regrets not pursuing something in the past. I don't know what to do. I talked to him about it and he just kind of told me what I wanted to hear but now I'm terrified that I may be going this alone. I love him and this pregnancy was planned but how do you handle seeing something like that.  Any advice would be appreciated as I just don't know what to do. I suffer from depression and this has made it so much worse. Please help...

[cw826]

Thanks everyone. I talked to him again tonight and just let him know I'm having a hard time and will probably get over it in time. He isn't one to cheat and I just told him my fears and that I'm not trying to make him mad just not sure what to think or how to handle it right now. I just need some time to figure it out myself and hopefully it will just get better. He doesn't blame me and is starting to understand that sometimes I just can't help it and if it's something that wouldn't normally bug me because I'm confident in who I am and where we are is bugging me more now because as I'm getting bigger and more hormonal I feel like he is becoming more distant. He is just trying to make sure he doesn't do anything to upset me anymore but thinks that by me knowing who he is talking to that it would just make things worse. I think I just need to give it some time and see if I can shake it. The other thing is that I have dealt with my depression without pills but will be talking to my doctor Wednesday because I can't seem to shake how I'm feeling and 4 blue days where all I want to do is sleep and cry isn't healthy.

[janellemassy]

I agree with areal10. He should be more repectful thn tht. Most ppl dnt realize when they are doing something hurtful how it would feel if it were happening to them. So even tho he may not be cheating or planning on it he im sure wouldnt like it if u talked to an old crush and talked abt how u felt abt them.

[faithanduriah]

Honestly, I'd flip the hell out but that's because I've been with my fiance for almost two years now and I'm carrying his baby inside me which is alot of damn work. If I found out he was talking to an old flame and read that they still had feelings for each other I would be a raging mess and I would break down and go stay with my mom even though thats the last thing I wanna do :/ I am not raising my first son with someone who has no respect for me or my feelings.

[areal10]

If she wasn't into guys then she wouldnt have said she still has feelings for him. On the last post it says we talk to them but who do they talk to. Thats what you are for. You're supposed to be a team & talk to each other about what your feelings, not some other girl or guy. We're supposed to make our men happy, not a girl he once liked. If it were just a friend thing he shouldn't have to hide it. We're pregnant women, not lunatics. We act the way we do sometimes because of how the men in our life act. How would he feel if he found it you were talking to someone you had a crush on once? I wouldn't allow that to continue. Once he sees that your ok with that, then it could go over step further. Thats not a "its just the hormones" thing, it's a respect thing. You can control your hormones but ANY woman that sees a messsge like that on their BF's phone is allowed to act crazy. How would any woman feel after reading that their BF or husband regrets not pursuing some other woman?!

[YseniaShort24]

I'm going throughout the Same Thing. After much talking and lots of fighting.. He finally told me it's because he's not getting any support from me. We talk to them but who do They talk to? When we "feel crazy" We can't even handle our Own feelings let along be there for our men and that frustrating for them. It doesn't mean anything that he's talking to them it's just the attention they want that theyvarent getting from us (non sexual) he's a human being and just needs someone to make him happy while we are "incompacitated" by our crazy hormones but just try to be there for him and try to keep the emotions under wraps because it's a lot for someone who will never have to deal with what we do to be expected to handle in stride.. Give him some slack and just hope for the best.

[BonitaMichelle]

I trust my boyfriend but while pregnant crazy thoughts have went through my head.  I tell him "i feel crazy right now". Its just away for me to tell him im emotional so he doesn't get offended by my questions or comments.  

The last thing you want to do is fight over something that really doesn't matter.

[Nikki2x]

Pray about it and the answer will come! I would  try my best to focus on having a stress free pregnancy, I know life happens, but find something healthy to indulge in like reading, yoga, keep a journal maybe. Just don't let anyone get you down. I hope all goes well for you!

[cw826]

He isn't one to talk but we have both been really stressed he is my best friend so I talk to him about everything.  I'm glad he has friends and someone to vent to but he has been shutting me out lately and hiding things from me. I just don't know how to react to it.

[BonitaMichelle]

He's living in the past. Probably doesn't really think she's the one who got away.  If they just reconnected old feelings came up.  Talk to him about it, he should reassure you Nothing is going on.

Her liking girls doesn't mean anything.