Depression after miscarriage

[Amy V.]

Hi everyone,

After 6 months of trying my husband and I were thrilled to find out I was pregnant on July 14th.  Just one week later, at 7 weeks, I miscarried.  I was disappointed, of course, but was grateful it happened so early and ready to try again.

It is now almost a month later and this past week I have been thrown a major curveball with extreme fatigue, tendency to cry at any moment with no good reason, a sense of "hopelessness" meaning my job seems unsatisfying, I don't want to go anywhere, etc.  I feel like a total wreck.  I'm not sure how normal this is after having felt very stable in handling things the first few weeks.  Can someone please give me some guidance?

Thanks so much for your help.  

Amy

[Keith Downing, MD]

Hello,

A visit to your ob/gyn or PCP is warranted.

Best of luck,

Dr. Downing  

[april32]

Amy-
I'm sorry for your loss.  I have read that the hormonal changes that you go through after a miscarriage are essentially the same that women face after giving birth.  That is, what you are probably experiencing is some form of a "post-partum" depression.  I would definately talk to your obgyn and let them know.  If they cannot recommend someone to talk to, perhaps your primary physician can.  I would definately either go to talk with someone about what you are feeling, or even perhaps see if you can go onto some anti-depressants for a bit.
good luck!

[mlb1234]

Hi Amy,
I can relate - I have had two m/c's.  It is very hard to deal with, for me especially after the first one.  I had "baby on the brain" very bad and it wasn't until week 10 that I found out the embryo was not viable.  I think the hardest thing is that no one ever expects a miscarriage to happen to them.  I never thought it would happen to me.  After awhile you will begin to accept it and starting to actually "try" again is also comforting and gives you hope for the future.  My hubby and I have tried for 1.5 years.  I am now 17 weeks pregnant and the past 17  weeks has made the 1.5 years of trying seem very far away!!  I think grieving is totally normal and you may find yourself overly sensitive and jealous if any friends of your get pregnant before you do.  That is totally normal too.  It is hard to adjust back to the way you were before the pregnancy - for me because nothing else seemed important when I was pregnant than that little bean in my tummy and all of a sudden it was gone.  A loss is a loss and your feelings are normal.  Try to hope for the future and look forward to when you can start trying again.  Best of luck.

[becky-idaho]

First of all I want to say that I am very sorry for your loss.  I am going through the same thing.  I would have been just over 8 wks, and at my 1st ob appt. I had a u/s that showed my gestational sac was very irregularly shaped, but the baby had a heartbeat.  My dr. did not seem concerned about the sac at all.  But, I got online and researched this, which basically said that my baby had a very small percentage of living.  Just four days ago I had a u/s done at work (since I work in a radiology dept.), my u/s showed that the baby no longer had a heartbeat, and there wasn't any blood flow going to the baby.  Right away I called my dr., later that day I had a d&c performed.  These last four days have been by far the worst days I have gone through.  I find that I can't stop crying, loss of apetite, don't want to leave the house, can't sleep, etc.  Luckily I have a very supportive husband and family that have tried to do as much as they can possibly do to help me get through this tragic time.   Nothing anyone says makes you feel any better about the situation, but I just tell myself they are trying. I have found that this website has made it a little easier to talk to women that can relate, like a support group.  A few of my close cousins have new babies and of course when they came by to see me they brought the cuties along.  While they were with me I enjoyed holding them and interacting but after they left I felt so jealous.  I hate that feeling, but I am sure it's only natural.  One thing that I found helped me the other night when I couldn't sleep and was having a meltdown is I wrote down on a piece of paper in words what I was feeling.  I was amazed with what I came up with, and thought maybe I needed medication.  But, I am just trying to take one day at a time.  Tomorrow will be the real test when I have to back to work where I first got the horrifying news.  But, I definitely think if nothing else we are stronger people after this.  Are you guys planning on trying again soon?

[jayjen]

i am so sorry about your loss and i totally understand as i have had two m/c myself but i think you should take a prego test as the symptoms you are expirencing are what i had b/4 i found out i was prego the second time.

[jac5513]

I can relate to all of you, I miscarriaged the beginnig of March 2007 I was 7 weeks pg. nd it was the worst feeling in the world I thought my life was over, but we are trying now.  But ever since then my periods have been so irregular, I got my period on April 7, May 18th, June 18th , July 23rd and August 20th. We have been trying since June and we still aren't pregnant? Could it still be that my body is not ready due to my cycles are still not normal? I am worring that it may never happen. If someone can help me & give me some hope I could really use it.
Thanks! ~~~*babydust*~~~

[chavela7]

So sorry to all for your pain.  I had a miscarriage this past Sunday, I was 6 weeks pregnant.  My first pregnancy.  I'm feeling really weird as well. I wake up, shower and go right back to bed.  The only reason I shower is to prevent infection, other than that, i do nothing at all.  I'm afraid of making love to my husband, really afraid of it.  I'm not sure why.  I love him more than life itself, but I refuse to get pregnant again, so scared.  I hate it when people tell me to cheer up.  They just have no idea.  Will this feeling ever go away??  My husband keeps asking me to try again for another pregnancy, and my doctor tells me it will be okay after just one period, is this okay??  

[anikac]

I know what you are going through totally. I had a "missed abortion" at 6 weeks but my body kept thinking it was pregnant and I went on till 10 weeks with symptoms. One night I just sat in my bed and told my husband that I wasn't pregnant anymore. I didn't feel it. Of course he thought I was being hysterical but next morning...I woke up bleeding. ONe of the most horrible things I've ever gone through. Chavela...little by little you adjust...I still cry for my baby once in awhile..but I know the little angel is in heaven doing his job....=) I'll see him one day (by the way I felt it was a boy)..
I didn't want to sleep with my husband for awhile either and for some reason that's all he wanted to do right after...but he had to relax..cause I was going through something...
It's been 2 months now 1 cycle later and I'm pregnant again praying my hardest that nothing happens this time...I wish you luck and hope you find peace soon...=)

[chavela7]

thank yo so much for your kind words.  It really helps to talk to people that have gone through the same ordeal.  I have my first doctor's appointment after the miscarriage today.  I'm hoping everything is okay.  Congrats on getting pregnant again right away.  I hope that happens to me as well.  Good luck and please keep me posted on your progress.  By the way, how long did it take for your period to come back after the m/c?

[anikac]

I got my period exactly 1 month after the miscarriage well like 1 month and 5 days or so...but it went back to normal....Today I have my first ultrasound....They've been doing blood work for like 2 weeks now to make sure my hcg levels are rising accordingly which they seem to be doing so..so far. GOt to keep my fingers crossed!

[jac5513]

I can undertand the both of you I also misscarried at  7 weeks and it is the hardest thing to cope with.  I to didn't want him to touch me but after a month it got better.  We have been trying for 3 months now and we still aren't pregnant but I know it will happen soon. I still have moments when I burst into tears I had an episode this month when I got my period it broke my heart into peices, I want to be a mom in the worst way, but again it will happen when I am ready my body is ready I keep telling myself that everday.  I wish the both of you the best of luck! Please keep me updated on your progress as I will do the same.
GOOD LUCK! & lots of ~~~**BABYDUST**~~~

[teresa24]

I am so sorry I'm exactly where your at! I feel the same way I feel as though there is no hope, whats the point of doing things me and husband were trying for 2 years so i know how you feel i guess all we can do is think positive but my god its so hard, i am sorry again!

[BrynandJoe]

We miscarried this past week at 7wks. It was our first pregnancy after years of infertility & finally giving up. I am crushed. The only thing I can say is "this really sucks".Not eloquent, but it is how I feel. I was doing OK/coping until today.But each day I had doctor appts or people with me & today DH went to work early and I was all alone. I am in more pain, physically & emotionally, then I have been all week. I (we) SO very much want a family. Part of me feels like waiting a few months is going to kill me and another part feels afraid to get pregnant.
I'm so sorry for all of your losses. A week ago I had no idea that this would hurt so much. Thanks for listening.

[andel]

I understand what you are all going through. We just found out yesterday that there was not heart beat. I was 11.5 weeks along and thought I made it past the hump and just then I had some spotting. I havea baby who is 8 months old. We were not trying for this pregnancy but loked at it as a blessing we were very excited our kids would be close in age and hoped one day good freinds. My first pregnancy was perfect and I did not ever think it could happen to me. It has really made me appreciate all that I have. It still does not make this any easier. I have been crying for 2 days now. The worst part is they won't do the D & C until Tuesday because of the holiday weekend. I feel very cawful and just want this to be over. I never had signs or symptoms that anything was wrong that is the worst part. I was also alone at the Dr. office my husband was out of town for work and my mom was with the baby. My husband was able to take the next flight home which made things better. I am sorry to hear of all of your losses and it is nice to hear other people feelings and that what I am going through is normal. I do feel angry for a lot of reason as well.

[Bets27]

I feel the sadness you women are going through. I miscarried 3.5 wks ago at exactly 6wks pregnant. It was our first pregnancy and had been trying since the first of the year. (Of course several friends and family delivered babies and have been pregnant this year, making me all the more anxious!) After the initial shock and hormonal roller coaster of the MC, I thought I'd be physically recovered, as I feel that I'm pretty stoic and can generally handle alot. Over the weekend we attended a large get together where 2 women were nearly due, one had 6 wk old twins and another with a 6 mo. old son. Along with a visit from my sis-n-law and 7 mo. neice, I truly find it's all more than I can take. Today was so hard to get out of bed for my morning meeting, but somehow I managed. Now, as the day passes, I keep feeling more sad, fearful, anxious, jealous and more ~ it's greater than words can describe, I find. I agree wholeheartedly with BrynandJoe that I had no idea that this would hurt so much. I keep reminding myself and offer to you ladies to try to keep your chin up everyday. I don't think I've grieved enough of this loss to try pregnancy again yet, but am cleaving to the support of my hubby and friends until this time passes.
Sincere Regards ~

[BellasWings]

I'm so sorry for evryone's losses.
One week ago today the Dr did an U/S and found that my baby had no heartbeat.  Three days later I miscarried at 8wks pg.  I let nature take its course and let things happen naturally.  This is my second MC, first was Oct 2006 at 19wks pg.  The worst feeling is not knowing why.  I thought I was taking it well this time around but I woke up feeling really depressed today.  I'm scheduled back to work tonight and I don't feel nearly as ready as I should be.  My husband doesn't seem to understand that I'm still healing physically, not to mention emotionally.  He seems to think that keeping busy will make everything go away.  I don't think he could be further from the truth.  In any case, I do wish everyone well and I know this too will pass.

[HEATHER BACON]

ALL MY PRAYS ARE WITH ALL OF U. I ALSO LOSTED 2 BABIES. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 5 YEARS AND MY HUSBAND COMES FROM A FAMILY FULL OF FERTIL MERTIL'S. I ASO WORK IN A HAIR SALON SO I AM SURRONED BY PREGOS AND I ONLY FEEL SAFE IN MY BED OR MY CAR. IT WILL BE 2 YEARS THIS X-MAS FOR MY FIRST LOST AND 3 MONTHS WITH MY SECOND. IT WAS A LITTLE BIT EASIER THE SECOND TIME. THE LESS PEOPLE THAT KNOW IS EASIER FOR ME. DO NOT GET ME WRONG I STILL CRY OFTEN BY MYSELF. I KNOW THAT WHAT MY FUTURE WILL BE WILL BE. AFTER TAKING THE SUMMER OFF WE ARE NOW GOING TO DO IUI. YOU DO NEED TO TAKE YOUR TIME GETTING BACK INTO IT. IT IS OK TO BE MAD, ANGERY,GELOUS AND SAD. JUST TRY TO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!

[thinking positive]

I also know what everyone is going through. I mc last wednesday (9/5). I knew there was a possibility it wasn't a viable pregnancy but I still my hopes up. At 6wks they did not detect a heartbeat but a week later it had grown to 7 wks. doctor told me to wait it out and see. I started cramping and bleeding at 13 wks. Imagine I waited 7wks for nothing. I'm very sad but also feel  a sense of failure in a way althought I know it's really nobodys fault. I'm dreading having to go back to work, I've been off for a week and today I go back. My manager is 8 months pregnant and I know it's going to be hard to see her. Just hope next time everything will work out. Doctor said I had to wait about 3months? I wish you all the best and stay strong

[TamandRy]

I am sorry for all of your losses.  I too just had a MC.  After trying for over a year to get pregnant my husband and I finally gave in to fertility treatment.  I became pregnant after being inseminated and I think I might have been one of the happiest people on earth.  Within just a few short weeks I went from finding out that there was a good possibility that it was twins to finding out that it was not even one!  I went for a 9wk ultrasound and found out that my baby no longer had a heartbeat.  I had a D & E on Friday and have never felt so lost.  After finally finding out that I was pregnant I felt as though I was already so attached.  The worst part is, is that my best friend is only about 4 days further along and I have one cousin that was 2 weeks ahead of me and a cousin who was 2 weeks behind me.  I can't stop thinking about how much it is going to hurt once all of these people around me begin having these babies.  Where am I going to be then?  I just need to be pregnant again.  The thing that I find myself saying the most is that I just want my baby back.  I feel so crazy, I feel so desperate to be pregnant!!  

[Jen2002]

I am sorry to hear about all of your losses.  I M/C at 9 weeks on July 12, 2007.  I thought as the weeks went by I was getting better.  But, truth of it is I'm not.  I feel more lost and sad now.  I don't know if everything just caught up with me.  I so want to be pregnant and I keep asking myslef what I did wrong.  It also does not help when you have family and friends having babies all around you and announcing their pregnancies. I'm hoping it will get better soon.

[kitan]

It took me three months to get over my M/C.  I had to have a D&C done after no heart beat was detected at 9weeks.  The baby stopped growing at 6weeks.  I knew something was wrong by a dream I had.  Hubby pulled a box out from the x-mas tree opened it uo to find a deformed baby.  he closed the box and I said, must be broken.  The next morning this dread set in.  My body knew before the doctors.  It takes awhile to come around.  I have three kids so its different for me in many ways.  I never had problems wih consiption or M/C in the past so all the feelings afterwards made me think post-partum depression.  Which essentially it is.  Your body responds like you had a child.  You really should see a doctir. I got so bad thy had to put me on Zanx which made things worse.  What helped is finding things that weren't baby orintated and learning to deal with the disipointment in a more positive manner.  I am now preg. again and let me tell you, I AM SCARED.  I don't want to go through all that again.  My first ultra sound is in a week and I am terrified to go in.  I don;t think the pain of a m/c compares to what I am going through now.  Or atleast for me..  My prayers are with you all....