How Do I? Please Help!

[BTS1022]

So I just found out that my 14 year old niece is pregnant. I do not judge people for their mistakes, but this one is a toughie. Like I said she is 14 pregnant, and she told me she has narrowed it down to 5 men who could be the daddy, and all the men are over 20, 2 which are married.

BUT, Her and her sister who is 16, her mother and mothers boyfriend all live in a dinky little travel trailer like an RV, no running water, no electricity and hardly any food for 4 people to survive on alone. My sister isnt the best mother out there, she is far from clean and far from responsable. Her kids run a mok all over texas having sex, doing drugs and not doing their schooling or anything and she allows it.

She has decided to keep the baby which infuriates(sp) me. How is she supposed to pay to feed and diaper this baby, and this baby which is a little girl will end up with a crappy life making more mistakes than her own children.

Well her answer to that was- I will just press statitory rape charges on the father, collect money from that, and collect child support....!!!! HOW in the heck will a judge allow her to do that when she let her own 14 year old daughter have unprotected sex? She wouldnt even take 30 min to have her daughter go to the free clinic to get birth control or anything to that nature.

She is 14 for crying out loud, and they can't even take care of themselves let alone a helpless baby. How do I explain to her that she needs to put the baby up for adoption. Hubby and I would be willing to do a family adoption but her response to that was *why so you can collect the governments money and not me?* Im not on any government help besides hubbies disability from the army?

Im just pissed off and ready to drive down there and call CPS, because that baby wont make it in a harsh life like that.

[spade22]

I would definitely make sure charges are pressed against the father (when they figure out who it actually is) since it is statutory rape and also call CPS.  Like you say, there are concerns for the baby if brought up in this environment BUT the other issue at hand is the 14 year old and her sister who are currently living in such inappropriate conditions - CPS should be called in to investigate that for a start (regardless of pregnancy).

[laura1985]

wow. i can see why you would be so upset. i think cps should be called. i dont think that a young child at 14 should be living in those kinds of conditions. she is definatly too young to be a mother. it just sounds like a very sad situation. if you call cps, you'd be doing the best thing for everyone involved, including her unborn child.

[babyscience]

Wow that is rough, she narrowed it down to 5 guys.  So sad, I would hate for any 14 yr old to have to go through that and now that little girl.  And it is sad she is only keeping the baby for money.

[nikko*ttc]

I can understand why you are mad. I would be too. I have a 16 year old sister and if I found out that she was pregnant, I would flip my lid. She just isn't old enough by today's standards. (Although there used to be a time this was very acceptable) The conditions that this baby will be brought up in are abhorent, but ultimately this is her decision. Hopefully she will see over the next few months how hard it is going to be and decide to give up for adoption to a couple who desperately want a child and can care for it the way it should be. The best you can do is try to guide her in making the right decision. Maybe she should see one of those counselors at a pregnancy center. I agree with spade22 as well, CPS definitely needs to be involved. Just the point you made about her "narrowing" it down to 5 fathers that tells me the environment she is in is not conducive to her health.

[BTS1022]

My feelings of the situation would be a bit different if I felt that both my sister and niece were responsible people, but narrowing it down to 5 men shows how irresponsible she is. As far as a pregnancy counselor, my sister wouldnt get off her lazy bum to do it, my niece is due a month after me which is november, and she refuses to make her an OB appointment, she said *Its texas we deliver our babies at home*!!!

She is using this child for money to try and get out of the sitution that she is in, not only that I doubt statitory rape can be pressed against the father because my niece has admitted to lying about her age. She went as far as having her older sisters ID card to show the men so they would sleep with her!!!

Im just appauled, and I have let other family memebers including her know, That I will be calling CPS about the situation, The last thing they need is for the other girl who is 16 to get pregnant as well, if she isnt already.

[mami1323]

That's just disgusting.  I would be infuriated as well.  I would report them and if they do take the father to court then I think you should inform the judge as well of their situation.  I'm sure any judge would frown upon them using the court system to collect on this baby.  I feel so sad for this new baby.  You should report them to social services and see if you can fight for custody of the baby once it's born.  Why don't you look into some attorney's in your area who deal with family law?

[bioclock1]

i used to work for cps in Arkansas and state laws vary, but CPS might consider this a rape charge (which is separate from the parents filing a statutory rape charge) and remove the 14 year old AND her baby from the home since the 14 y/os' mother is responsible for what arkansas called, "failing to protect."
If it were me, i would be equally concerned about the teenagers and your neice's baby. CPS can handle this one if given the opportunity. However some cps agencies ROYALLY STINK and this may require you taking it to court to prove the mother unfit..which then may result in your option to adopt the baby.
I wish you the best of luck, this is a really sticky situation but it sounds like someone resonsible needs to step in. Good luck!

[spade22]

"my niece is due a month after me which is november, and she refuses to make her an OB appointment"

Definitely call CPS ASAP- two lifes are currently being endangered.

[Hope2OneDay]

Couldn't someone press charges against the mother for not taking her daughter to the doctor and getting her medical care? There could be all sorts of complications since she is only 14 years old! If something were to happen to the baby OR the girl, she could be in big trouble for not having her seen medically during the pregnancy.

I'd report it to DSS immediately. It sounds to me like the girl needs to be put in a place where she can not only receive medical attention, but also live in a cleaner enviroment.
If someone doesn't help her, then this family will just continue the cycle with each child they bring into the world. What about school? How is a 14 year old going to go to school while pregnant? She needs to go to a special home so she can continue her education, get medical help, and live healthily.

[natemomma27]

i dont know the laws there, but i do know that here in PA you can consent to sex at the age of 14...if you consent and agree then no statutory rape charges can be filed and your parents can not file on your behalf. if the laws are different there the thing that will 'screw' her would be the fact that she's had sex with multiple men, multiple times therefor erasing the 'rape' from the case and she won't be able to use the child as a 'paycheck'

the best thing you can do for her and the rest of your family is call and get them help!

[sameerab]

ok i wouldnt waste my time being angry because it seems like your family knew she was  out sleeping around what did you guys expect to happen??..I don't believe that its the little girl's fault it started with your sister she is just a product of what she is growing up around i feel the worse for the baby but just because it is born into a terrible situation doesnt mean that their life will be terrible forever i know people who have been born into worse sitatuions...i hope everything works out for your family

[BTS1022]

Thank you all for your concearns and opinions, Thankfully my step mother is a family lawyer she has actually just passed her bar exam. Hubby and I do plan on trying to recieve custody of the baby, but if anything we will fight for this baby to be placed in a home where she can have the life she deserves. It would be tough to raise 4 in my situation as well, but im willing to make sacrafices to make sure this baby has a good outcome and quality of life.

I have also contacted the police in my sisters county and notified them of the situation, they have contacted CPS in my behalf and an investigation will be conducted. My sister can be charged with child endangerment/neglect for the way her underaged children are being raised. I will continue to fight for what I believe no matter the outcome of my relationship with my sister or neices.

Thank you all once again, and I will update you as this long grueling battle continues.

[JoyRenee]

I didn't read all the replies, so forgive me if I say something already said.

Definitely call CPS!!! You have an obligation as a woman, as a citizen of the US, and as their family to make sure that little baby is taken care of and a 14 year old, or her irresponsible mother, are NOT the answer. Yeah, sorry to be judgemental but when a child's life is in the balance, I can't help but be passionate about it.

Get custody and keep us updated!!!

[kelliestarr]

Wow. I am lost for words I just wish you and your family all the best. You got do what you feel is right.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I agree with all the rest!!!  Call CPS!!!  I wish you all the best of luck with this.  Please keep us updated.  That is such a sad situation.  I just feel horrible for this baby....I hope you and your hubby can adopt this baby.

[Riot_Queen]

OMG!
Norrowed down to 5 men who are all in their 20's and 2 are married?!

Here's a list on what I'D do.

I'd find those 5 MEN, find out which one is the daddy, then get ALL of those petofiles locked up.
Get some sort of government income to help her out till her pregnancy is over, and then put that baby up for adoption whether that lil girl wants it or not.

That is disgusting how her mother just lets her run around like that, and then thinks that it would be best to KEEP the poor thing?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER!
That poor baby will NEVER make it living in a situation like that!

That makes me so ANGRY when these lil girls run around dressed like wh0res, sleeping around, getting pregnant, blah blah blah- and their parents LET THEM!
I think they should make it a law that any female under the age of 18 should be on BIRTH CONTROL.
No lie.

I'll tell yah one thing.
Whether my daughter likes it or not, once she hits 12 years old, she is going on birth control whether she likes it or not.
Only because that's when MY SISTER started sleeping around, and I don't need a repeat.

My dad's new wife let her at 12 years old, wear skimpy cloths, cake on whatever make up she wanted, and do whatever the hell she wanted.
She was pregnanct I can't tell you how many times.
And between abortions, morning after pills and whatever... wasting all that money on her, YOU'D FIGURE THEY'D DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

Ugh I can't even talk about this.
People make me SICK sometimes I can't hardly stand it!

Sorry I ranted.

[PhoKISonYOU]

Why would you press charges against the father when he knew what he was doing and so did she. She was grown enough to lay down and create the baby. This generation grows up too fast and any of them having babies is their own damn fault. Don't take it out on the man just because they had sex, both of them knew what was up when they laid down and did the nasty! She's grown now so let her figure out what she's going to do. I was smart enough to wait until I was damn near married before having sex. When I was 12 my virginity was taken from me without my sayso and guess what I was pregnant and had an abortion because he told me if I didn't I would die. I was beat up and abused until I was 19 years old and to this day I haven't lived right since but then again I'm better off where I am and without that happening I wouldn't be thanking god for my blessings today. I've been thru too much hell and walked through to much water.It is what it is so let the little girl grow up and take care of her responsibilites and if the guy doesn't wanna pay child support then take him to court to pay for child support, don't convict him of something that wasn't like that! Rape.. NO SHE wanted it, it wasn't taken from her. She didn't have a gun to her head saying don't say a word, she didn't get this **** beat out of her! So that's not classified as rape so no judge would believe that, and if they did that would come back and haunt you because that's not true it wasn't rape.

Sorry for the rant and good luck!

[BTS1022]

I agree and disagree, It is considered by State Law as statitory Rape, I didnt make that decision, The state will press charges on the man wether or not her family does, it's like if a man beat the hell out of you and you called the cops but didnt press charges, they will still charge him for domestic abuse and he will possibly serve time, because it is a STATE LAW, not something that we have a say in.

Second off no no one held a gun to her head and she made the decision that she made, yes both are at fault, but if she has this baby it will not in any way live. She plans on giving birth at home? A home that is far from clean, and far from being anything close to a happy place.

They have NO running water or electricity and it can get biterly cold living in an over sized vehicle with an infant, let alone how in the hell are they supposed to feed this baby if they cant feed themselves?

Im sorry for your issues that you have been through, but that doesnt mean im going to allow 3 children to sit in that place an rott to death, I will do what I feel is expected of me, and that is to make sure these children do not have the issues that some people have like yourself. IT IS A PARENTS JOB, to protect and love their children, and **** like this happens when there is no love and no protection in the home.

[PhoKISonYOU]

It happens to the best of us..

I would make her have an abortion, she's too young to have a child! She's still a baby herself. i was younger than her when I got pregnant the first time so i can only imagine what shes going through

[BTS1022]

btw I wasnt trying to be rude or offend you, im just as aggrivated about the situation.

[Crysi]

It will be hard to press rape charges/ get child support since she isn't sure which man is the father. I think you are doing the best thing by getting the police and child services involved. I commend you on your courage, so many people would let it go because it is family.
No matter how angry/ upset they get remember that you are protecting three children by doing this, and it needed to be done.

All the best to you

[eel81]

i don't belive a 14 year old should be having a baby, she us way too young and if she and her family can not feed themselves then she needs to do what is best for that baby and give it to someone who can feed and clothe her. to have this baby at home in a dirty environment is not a good idea as the baby could end up sick. you should talk to your niece and give her the options. if she doesn't agree this is best for baby now then whatever she does down the line will not be best for anyone. you don't want this baby ending up like her.

[jesslee83]

in texas, it is very possible for you to petition(thought you may not recieve)  for guardianship for your neice(or both if you feel you need to), HOWEVER, i will tell you now, there is a VERY good possibility TX(you said they are all over TX right?), may give you those 2, but the rest will go to other family, or foster care.....

also, in the state of Texas(i'm going by something i found 7 years ago, it could have been changed by then).....it is statutory(sp?) rape, if more than 3 years 6 months, or less than 5 years between age differences....anything MORE Than 5 years is RAPE no matter who says it was voluntary or not.......also, not to be mean,but it sounds to me, like your neice and sister, pinned down the 5 most likely to be able to afford child support....also, in texas she won't get CS if father is in jail, when he is released, they will order CS, give him a certain amount of time to pay the backpay, and if he doesn't, it's back to jail--which means they'll never see the money--unfortunately, it seems to me(and this DOES happen though not often), whoever is found to be the father, can petition for custody of that baby, and i hate to say, i'd think there is a good possibility he'd win, stat/rape or not, b/c of the promiscuity of the teen, drugs and lack of resources, b/c even with child support, your sister and neice still won't be able to afford a place big enough for the family(or a healthy one).....i'm not positive about now, but when i got preg the 1st time, my mom wanted to press charges, and i swear the police dept LAUGHED at her!!! they told her b/c of the short age diff, i had to say he raped me, and i refused to, b/c he didnt rape me.....

i'm not a CPS fan, but this needs to be brought to their attention.....and when they begin investigating, let them know if, and how many, of those children you/your mom/father etc, are willing to take in.....

[hanacabana]

A fourteen year old girl can not be asked legally but more importantly morally to consent to sex with an older man. REgardless of what she agreed to or even asked for/lied to get SHE was not in the position to do so. I think you should definitely call child protection. Even forgetting about the fact she is pregnant, if i knew a 14 y/o in that situation, with atleast 5 men over 20 raping her in one month i would seek immediate help. She is a child that need protecting just as much as the baby will be.
Also the fact that she hasnt had any medical advise is terrible an NO she cant have her baby at home. Who knows how the CHILD body of a 14y/o will respond to birthing a fully grown baby.
This girl and her sister obviously need a lot of nurturing and education to help them get straight.
Goodluck!