Scared after 1st miscarriage that I can't have children

[rach301]

I am 30 years old and recently had a missed miscarriage. I found out the baby died at 5-6 weeks on my 12 week scan, this came as a real shock as i had all the pregancy signs, so i had no idea!

I don't smoke, hardly ever drink, and am fit and eat healthy. Makes me angry that this happened!

Am now really scared that it will happen again, and it could do very easily, & am scared I will never have children. It's really getting me down, as children are my future, and i really want a baby.

Having a miscarriage at any time is really awful and heart breaking, but if you have children already, then you have them to go home too, which is a blessing, but this was my 1st pregancy and i feel lost, scared and empty.

I hope i can have children, i really do.

Anyone had same sort of experience?

[rach301]

Hi

Thank you for your comment :-)

The doctors will not carry out any tests until you have 3 miscarriages! It's madness, but I have decided go to a private clinic, should this happen a 2nd time, they specialise in fertility, and will run all the blood tests etc.... so that's my plan, but fingers crossed that I  wont need too.

People say with a 1st miscarriages, that it just happens and something just goes wrong, but after 3 they say you normally have a problem, but who knows, sometimes there is nothing wrong and it just happens 3 times, sooo confusing at times.

I have not lost all hope yet, but if i have another one i will be even more gutted and hurt and having 3 would be way toooo painful.

But let's hope am lucky next time and i have abit of hope left!

Rach x

[pra441]

hi Rach,

first you need sme time to get out of this disappointment. i had a experienced the same what you were, at my age 29 i had the missed miscarraige at my 11th week which drag my mind and health down. yet i dint leave my confidence though i was bit worried as the same you felt and belived in god.i went through some tests as doctor advised adn everythin was normal in results. docotr told me not to plan a kid for 6 months and wi followed the same

It went 3 months for my next periods to come after my DNC and i was so worried about that delay as well.
finaly i got my periods in the 3rd month after my DNC and observed my next 2 periods date to check if they are regular and they were.

meanwhile i completed my 6months as docotor said and we planned for a Kid.

luckily i was conceived and i just got into my 20th week . waiting for the second ultrasound scan.hoping everythign to go welll with GOD'S grace.


so Rach plz dont worry , this is the time u need sme confidence and cme out of it , dont keep thinking of this . GOD will give u all on the right time.beofre that cehck with a doctor and undergo few tests which needs to be done. and wait till ur first periods cme andeverythign will go welllll


ALL THE VERY BEST :) GOD BLESS :)

[momabear86]

It took my brother and his wife 10 years, she had a lot of mc and just when she had given up fell pregnant and is now the mom to a beautiful baby boy.
I had a mc at 5 weeks back in July, I felt the best I could and fell pregnant again in September. All is going well but I don't think you stop worrying Untill there in your arms!
Don't give up as sometimes its hard but well worth it in the end. Good luck.

[rach301]

I am so sorry Rachel, that's awful. I think your amazing and a really strong woman too. You mentioned something about ur tubes, are u still able to get pregant, if u can, then go for it. My mum told me there was a woman who had 11 miscarriages and finally had a child on her 12th Try, so it can happen.

I know how heart breaking it is believe me, it's sooo awful and sometimes u go to sleep and wish u don't wake up, because u feel that pain in ur heart, and it'd feels like a living hell.

I know ur situation is worse than mine, but lets not give up now. We have to fight for our chance and we will become mothers, we have not because it wouldn't be fair.

I am trying to be more postive now, and the ladies who have commented on this post have really helped me alot, Including you too, so thank you. You have all given me hope and strenght and I am feeling that i can do this and will try again, maybe it could happen again, but It's a risk am willing to take to be able to hold my baby in my arms oneday.

Thank u to all of u

[hotmama78]

Not to scare you dear.. as everyone its different.. i have my 1st m/c back to February 2009 few months after i get married.. i bleeding and rush to ER.. but then April 4 same year.. my baby passed and i need to been thru D&C.. i wish nobody will been thru this as its horrible.. :( then Sept same year.. i preggy again... i become very scare and yet the same thing happen again.. Nov 2 i end up in D&C room again..

My hope are getting lower and lower.. then come 2010... i try to make myself busy and not think of baby for a while but May i pregnant again... too bad its end up with natural m/c... doctor give me some injection to make sure no tissue left in... i getting more used to it.. and not say i not feel the pain but i somehow feel like yeahhhh.. its my faith not to become mommy even many advised me its ok.. you will too someday somehow.. i move on and keep finger cross someday i will be...

Year later... 2011 May i again become pregnant and its twins... but again lucky its just not with me... i natural m/c again... injection again and this time i feel very disappointed as i thought waooooo.... A TWINS.... most my friends was happy and makes some sort of jokes when i break the news... don't GOD suppose to give you triplets babe....??? but i just telling myself its ok.. its ok.. its ok.... then Sept 2 i pregnant again with my Baby Aidan.... this time i am already not very sure as all my hope already go down to zero that i will success this pregnancy.... :(

But my doctor courage me to give a try and ask me taken dupsthon 1x3 a day i not sure over the medication name but something like this and also cardiprin 50mg x 1 a day.... to my surprise baby Aidan grown up well in my belly... i saw his heart beat for the 1st time when he was 6weeks old... beat so strong and my hope goes to 100 x millions and xxxxx.... day by day passing... baby Aidan growing and i am very sure this the ONE finally.... at 18weeks i get to know he is a boy.. i was like OMG.... finally....!!!!

But dear... everything turn disaster when i go for my 21weeks u/s... baby Aidan its passed...!!! he was very active a week before and his umbilical cord get twisted and stop the blood flow... the rest i guess you can imagine how was it.... i finally called it off...!!! i did the still birth thru c-sec and right away cut and burnt my tube...!!! i don't think i can take it any longer and keep trying... 4years 5m/c i think its enough for me...!! i am very sure if i were about to keep going and this happen again for the 6th time i might wake up crazy or never able to wake up anymore... :(( :((

But bear this.. everyone its different and i am praying hard your faith will much much much better then i do...!!all the best keep trying bcos i do believe out there a lot more worst then me but they success at last... so all the best.. hugssss..... xxx

Rachel...

[Mommyjeep11]

Go to your dr and see if they can run some tests. But more than likely they won't be too concerned unless you have had multiple miscarriages. Ive had 3 miscarriages and no they are not fun to go through but I am now 30 weeks with a healthy little girl. My pregnancy with my son 4 years ago went incredibly well then when we tried for #2 we faced miscarriage after miscarriage. Turns out I had developed polyps I had a septum in my uterus. Without having tests done after the 2nd mc I wouldn't have found out about the polyps and once they were removed we tried again and had anoth mc and so my ob sent me to a specialist who discovered the septum so I had that removed and now my first pregnancy after having it removed has had a few complications but baby is doing well now. Unfortunately 1 miscarriage won't determine if there is an issue or not. Either tests will need to be done to find an issue or you just keep trying.  But I would start with talking to your ob about your concerns and see what they can do first to help calm your fears. A lot more women still have miscarriages than most people think. And according to my specialist almost every woman will experience at least one during her child bearing years but she may or may not know about it.

As far as helpin to cope with the loss, try something that makes you happy. Or start a new hobby.

[kmgrind]

Unfortunately miscarriage is very common. It isn't a sign of infertility. I had a miscarriage. My Dr gave me hope when he said he never had a patient who couldn't have a baby after a miscarriage. The hard part is getting pregnant and clearly you can do that. It's scary but try again. I am 30 also and currently 27 weeks pregnant. You will have a healthy baby soon!

[sorenr]

When I was in early pregnancy with my 1st, I had some bleeding and went to the doctor, I was advised to go home and rest and was given these two comments to think about...1. there was likely a problem and nature sometimes deals with these things for us and 2. if it did end in miscarriage, my body would be much better prepared for another pregnancy and know what to do...I dont know how true the second part is, it may have been more of a pat on the back, but this doctor was pretty upfront. I did lose a baby that time, but its twin, my son survived, I was lucky....try not to lose all hope, it is hard I'm sure when youve had to go through this already and will no doubt have heard of people who have many miscarriages, I think you'll find that there are many more who have had at least 1 and gone on to have healthy babies in the end. Condolonces for your loss and best wishes for your future xx

[rach301]

It's my 1st miscarriage, so i hope there is nothing wrong with me, in the medical sense, as i wouldn't know that, until i have 3 miscarriages, that would be so horrible, couldn't deal with that. Thank you for ur comment and congrats to you. x

[Babyiish]

Hey if theres no medical reason for your miscarriage try to get pregnant again..,,,
I only waited 2 menstrual periods and hear I am at 31 yrs 22 weeks pregnant with my 4th pregnancy 3rd baby

Best wishes

[rach301]

Congrats and thank u for ur comment. I am just very worried that i will have many miscarriages and more worrying is the fact that i wont have children. So i just hope this is not my fate.

[RippedonScotch]

I read somewhere that after a miscarriage you are more fertile and it is easier for you to get pregnant again. I know having a miscarriage is not fun, I had one too.  Now I'm 25wks and this one is doing good.   I just look at it as there was a reason that first pregnancy did not last.  Things always happen for a reason.

Good luck.