I have been in a relationship with a woman for 15 years. We met in the college when we were very young. The relationship was never completely satisfying or happy for me and I was often considering breaking up with her but I never did. Many years ago we moved in together. We are from different countries and she moved to my country to be with me. The first couple of years were relatively happy and I could see myself being with her forever. She is a lovely person and I always loved her and still do but I am not in love with her and haven't been for the most part of our relationship. The reason why I was not in love with her for most of the time is that I often lacked sexual attraction to her due to her on going flactuating weight issues. 6 years ago she revealed to me that she is an alcoholic. Something which she kept a secret from me for years. I helped her to sober up which took years of efforts and it was a very painful and difficult experience for both of us. I wasn't happy all those years but I stuck with her as I feared that she would kill herself if I left her. I also stayed with her out of guilt for cheating on her for years which she suspected and possibly contributed to her drinking, although she was drinking even when we were happy and I was faithful. About 2 years ago she won the battle against alcohol and has been sober since then. She then decided she wanted a baby and put a lot of pressure on me to agree. I finaly did agree and she is now a few weeks pregnant. The news of the baby was not happy news for me as this is not something I really wanted but something I agreed to to help her stay sober and focused. I feel and have felt depressed for years. The news of the baby made it worse and I feel that I want to break free. I recently met someone else with whom I feel happy and alive. I am thinking of leaving my girlfriend but I am worried that this might cause her to have a miscarriage. Moreover, she is financially dependent on me and I worry about her.
Sounds more like you're feeling stuck and in a mid-life crisis sort of deal. If you really felt this way you would not have agreed to have a child with her. You have a son/daughter to think about now. You may not have the Heidi Klum of girls but if she was enough for you for 15 years.. you need to stick around. You have started a life together.
Your emotions seem conflicting. You say you love her but you don't. Yet you stayed with her for 15 years and no matter how pressured, you still agreed to have a baby. A lot of what you wrote implies that you feel forced into the situation and there was nothing else you could do but comply with her/life's requests.
The situation is complex now since she is pregnant, living with and financially reliant on you. While you find yourself drowning in helplessness, you found someone who seems to take your troubles away. I would suggest your best bet right now is not get distracted by the other person, try to work on the situation you have now. Take the situation in your own hands instead of feeling forced, work on it, get professional therapy and guidance if you have to. Find out what is the root of the problem. If all else fails, then you deserve to make that final decision.
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