Trust

[Twili]

my boyfriend has been asking me to sleep with him but am not ready. what should i tell him?

[soccer210]

I would be honest with him. If he really loved you he would understand. Tell him you wanna wait. And follow it from there trust me it works

[Richard Pomerance, Ph.D]

Dear Twili,

Tell him you're not ready! It rarely works for a woman to allow herself to be pushed into sex before she’s comfortable. The risk is of feeling lousy and used afterwards.

Specifically, tell him what it will take for you to be ready. But that may take some time to figure out.

The classic issue is that the guy wants sex and the girl wants the relationship, and does sex prematurely to kept relationship intact.

For some people it comes down to whether they are desperate to maintain the relationship. If this is the case with you, please figure out why, and get enough support that you can
make your decision from a more stable position.

There are several other questions:

1)  if you feel that you'll eventually be ready (as opposed to never) will it take some kind of maturation on your part, or does something need to happen in the relationship itself?

2. If the former, is it just a question of growing up, or are there old fears or psychological issues getting in the way? If so, you'll need to understand those issues better, so that they lose their power over you, or get help to do so. If the latter, you'll need to take up with your boy friend what seems missing in terms of trust, the quality of the relationship itself, etc.

Remember to see if there's a real match between the two of you as a couple, a real relationship, as opposed to just sexual tension on his and/or your part.  

3. If a religious or ethical issue with sex is at the root of the problem, you'll need to address this separately, either by yourself or with the aid of a counselor in that particular area.

With more information I could advise you better.

Regards,

Doctor Pomerance