Aa
went on blind date...now what?!
so, I am 25..getting ready to be 26 soon. My mom set me up on a blind date with one of the teachers at her school. This guy is 30. We met up and had a really good time. Hit it off well. Well, his bday was monday and I sent him a happy b-day text. he responded and said thank you of course. now I haven't heard from him since than. Mind you I just went out with him on Sunday and it is only Wednesday, but I don't want to text him and seem like a pest. this was my first blind date & first time hanging out with someone who is that much older than me. Yea, it's only 5yr diff, but I usually talk to ppl my age or 2 yrs older. He did tell me that once he gets off work he's so tired and he goes home to sleep. I work afternoons. So, we both are busy during the week. I told him I had this Friday off because he asked what my off days are. should i assume he might call me than to hangout maybe again? I am just trying to figure out how to approach this situation. Being that he is older...i'm not really sure how older men approach dating.
Anywho, any friendly advice would be great ladies & gents. Thanx in advance.
Anywho, any friendly advice would be great ladies & gents. Thanx in advance.
What great comments in this thread! It's a perfect example of how different we all are when it comes to our approach with something like dating. RockRose has a more "no nonsense", direct approach, whereas SM has a bit more laid back, at least in the initial stages. Neither way is wrong, as we're all different. People have to pick what works for them.
Myself, I'm a bit more like SM. When I was in my 20's, I was very focused on my career, and was loving every minute of it. I was loving the fact that I was on my own, supporting myself, it was great! Dating was important, but not a priority. I met my hubby at 24, we were married when I was 26, he was 34. It was a bit faster than I would have chosen, but all in all, it worked out okay (as we're getting ready to celebrate 14 years married!).
I don't think that you can assume because you haven't heard much from him that he isn't interested. It hasn't been long enough to start making those kinds of assumptions. I agree with SM, if you like him, and would like to see him again, there's nothing wrong with you pursuing another date. Give him a few days, and perhaps call him rather than texting him. I think it's a little more personal. At THAT point, if you get the brush off, you may just want to let sleeping dogs lie (SM isn't the only one with an arsenal of cliches, lol).
Best of luck...hope it turns out like you want it to. Try not to get too crazy overthinking it. You're very young...you've got lots of time. Unless, of course, you're going by rose's standards. In that case, you better get moving missy! (Kidding btw....rose, I really enjoyed reading your posts, I must say you're a woman with conviction! I really respect that)
Myself, I'm a bit more like SM. When I was in my 20's, I was very focused on my career, and was loving every minute of it. I was loving the fact that I was on my own, supporting myself, it was great! Dating was important, but not a priority. I met my hubby at 24, we were married when I was 26, he was 34. It was a bit faster than I would have chosen, but all in all, it worked out okay (as we're getting ready to celebrate 14 years married!).
I don't think that you can assume because you haven't heard much from him that he isn't interested. It hasn't been long enough to start making those kinds of assumptions. I agree with SM, if you like him, and would like to see him again, there's nothing wrong with you pursuing another date. Give him a few days, and perhaps call him rather than texting him. I think it's a little more personal. At THAT point, if you get the brush off, you may just want to let sleeping dogs lie (SM isn't the only one with an arsenal of cliches, lol).
Best of luck...hope it turns out like you want it to. Try not to get too crazy overthinking it. You're very young...you've got lots of time. Unless, of course, you're going by rose's standards. In that case, you better get moving missy! (Kidding btw....rose, I really enjoyed reading your posts, I must say you're a woman with conviction! I really respect that)
COMMUNITY LEADER
You could be a modern lady and as it is Thursday, if you haven't heard from him--- text him or call him to say hello. This opens the door to see if he is interested in a date this weekend. If he doesn't pursue that at that time, you have your answer. I hope it works out for you.
Dating can seem hard sometimes. But if you try to keep your head in the game and your eye on the prize (whew, how many cliches can I trhow in here, lol)--- then it does tend to work out. I did try to have fun along the way to meeting my husband. I recommend that just because otherwise, it can feel overwhelming in the dating scene.
So, if you haven't heard from him by say 5 tonight, maybe just send him a text to say "I just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing" or give him a call and say the same. Then he can see that you are still interested and if he is, he'll certainly ask you out then.
Oh, and just because he is older, he's similar to young men. He's just probably more entrenched in his career (why he is tired at night). Be respectful of that but treat him like any other man. Again, I married in my 30's--- to a man in his 30's. good luck dear
Dating can seem hard sometimes. But if you try to keep your head in the game and your eye on the prize (whew, how many cliches can I trhow in here, lol)--- then it does tend to work out. I did try to have fun along the way to meeting my husband. I recommend that just because otherwise, it can feel overwhelming in the dating scene.
So, if you haven't heard from him by say 5 tonight, maybe just send him a text to say "I just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing" or give him a call and say the same. Then he can see that you are still interested and if he is, he'll certainly ask you out then.
Oh, and just because he is older, he's similar to young men. He's just probably more entrenched in his career (why he is tired at night). Be respectful of that but treat him like any other man. Again, I married in my 30's--- to a man in his 30's. good luck dear
I think the fact that he told you he was tired during the week and what days you had off, was answering all the questions that need to be answered, right now. I think he was letting you know that dating, for him, meant weekends, and that he would call you for a date on your day off.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Or not. You don't know, so why subject yourself to speculation at his point.
Just please, enjoy having fun dating, figure out things that you can do on any date that would put a smile on your face, and maybe theirs.
I'm sure everything will work out for the best, whether he's the one or not. I'm sure that it will happen for you, just as you would like it to.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Or not. You don't know, so why subject yourself to speculation at his point.
Just please, enjoy having fun dating, figure out things that you can do on any date that would put a smile on your face, and maybe theirs.
I'm sure everything will work out for the best, whether he's the one or not. I'm sure that it will happen for you, just as you would like it to.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Maybe because I was single for all of my 20's and into my 30's as a career woman, I dated intellectual, funny men that were very interesting. My memories of dating are nice dinners out with lots of conversation, roller blading through the park, going to plays and discussing the storyline for hours, going to the NFL game in my city, etc.
Ha, college men can be pretty immature and NOT all that interesting as to what they were after. Ironically, I had the same boyfriend all through college and skipped that time frame for dating.
I actually think we aren't that different in the 'weeding out' idea. I did do that but probably in a less direct way so that they may not have even known I was looking at whether they were marriage material or not. I would never tell a woman to waste her time with a man that said on date one "I will never marry. I hate kids and you only get married if you want to have kids." But I always found this out in more subtle ways while I enjoyed the dating scene.
(I mean, it wasn't always fantastic . . . but the worse the date---- usually the funnier the stories to tell afterwards. Like the time when a friend set me up with someone and the guy showed up in a black fuzzy V neck sweater (in July) and a big gold chain and was telling me how he worked the 'beat' with a police buddy of his. And then he broke into police talk like he was on a police radio complete with 10/ 4's and copy as usable phrases. For the WHOLE date. -- which was pretty short . . . ;0 )
Okay, I just encourage people to take their time but that does not mean spending it with someone who is a bozo or tells you off the bat he doesn't want what you want. But you also don't want to scare someone off and make them think you are 'on the hunt.'
Ha, college men can be pretty immature and NOT all that interesting as to what they were after. Ironically, I had the same boyfriend all through college and skipped that time frame for dating.
I actually think we aren't that different in the 'weeding out' idea. I did do that but probably in a less direct way so that they may not have even known I was looking at whether they were marriage material or not. I would never tell a woman to waste her time with a man that said on date one "I will never marry. I hate kids and you only get married if you want to have kids." But I always found this out in more subtle ways while I enjoyed the dating scene.
(I mean, it wasn't always fantastic . . . but the worse the date---- usually the funnier the stories to tell afterwards. Like the time when a friend set me up with someone and the guy showed up in a black fuzzy V neck sweater (in July) and a big gold chain and was telling me how he worked the 'beat' with a police buddy of his. And then he broke into police talk like he was on a police radio complete with 10/ 4's and copy as usable phrases. For the WHOLE date. -- which was pretty short . . . ;0 )
Okay, I just encourage people to take their time but that does not mean spending it with someone who is a bozo or tells you off the bat he doesn't want what you want. But you also don't want to scare someone off and make them think you are 'on the hunt.'
Well, I guess I really didn't really have a deadline, but I did know I didn't want to have a lot of casual relationships that weren't going anywhere lasting. I guess when I prioritized what I wanted to be doing on weekends, I really didn't want to be dating men when I had no idea what their long term goals were. Of course, early on in a relationship there is NO WAY to know if they're "the one", but you can certainly determine right away if they have any intention of being monogamous once a relationship has had a chance to bloom.
I guess I did view dating in later college as a "job interview". In my earlier college days I dated too many men and got groped and had to fend off too many men I really just didn't want touching me. And to me, that was what the dating scene felt like - one long unwelcome grope.
So anyway. ;D It kind of took me all afternoon of tossing this around in my mind to come to that realization of why I didn't like casual dating. ;D
I guess I did view dating in later college as a "job interview". In my earlier college days I dated too many men and got groped and had to fend off too many men I really just didn't want touching me. And to me, that was what the dating scene felt like - one long unwelcome grope.
So anyway. ;D It kind of took me all afternoon of tossing this around in my mind to come to that realization of why I didn't like casual dating. ;D
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, I knew by the time I was 13 that I wanted to marry and have kids. It was my primary goal. But I don't believe in rushing such a thing and did find that I could fulfil my goal while enjoying myself along the way. I dated people and enjoyed the getting to know you process without thinking I had to know each persons intentions from the begining. I didn't feel like I needed to know if someone was marriage material on the very first date. Yep, I was full blown into my own career and wasn't trying to be married by the time I was 30. That would make a difference if someone was trying to get it done with a deadline.
I in all honesty think that people get themselves in trouble often with that mentality.
My honest advice to the poster is to not come into a first date with a questionaire of exactly how someone feels on things like looking to get married and having kids. I think that would scare a lot of people off. My husband was very much the family type of person and had marriage as a goal---- but he hated the woman that was "LOOKING" for her husband and treated him like it from the very begining.
If you look at dating as fun, you'll enjoy doing it. But if you look at it as a necessary evil to fulfil the mission of getting married . . . it will feel lie a job . . to you and your date.
goodluck
I in all honesty think that people get themselves in trouble often with that mentality.
My honest advice to the poster is to not come into a first date with a questionaire of exactly how someone feels on things like looking to get married and having kids. I think that would scare a lot of people off. My husband was very much the family type of person and had marriage as a goal---- but he hated the woman that was "LOOKING" for her husband and treated him like it from the very begining.
If you look at dating as fun, you'll enjoy doing it. But if you look at it as a necessary evil to fulfil the mission of getting married . . . it will feel lie a job . . to you and your date.
goodluck
ms, I'm not talking about over night, either. I think I've been misunderstood.
I'm talking about, if your goal is to get married and have children, not to waste your time taking a long time to get to know someone who doesn't have that goal.
I wouldn't recommend even considering becoming engaged before dating exclusively for at least a year.
I'm talking about, if your goal is to get married and have children, not to waste your time taking a long time to get to know someone who doesn't have that goal.
I wouldn't recommend even considering becoming engaged before dating exclusively for at least a year.
special, I can certainly understand that approach. Especially if you weren't sure about your goal - and I was. I didn't want to end up hopeless in love with a man who didn't have any intention of marrying, or having children, or working and buying a house, etc. That was what I wanted - and in fact, my purpose in dating.
It's not for everyone, and there are many women who have no intention whatsoever in getting married or becoming a mom, in which case dating for adventure would be the thing to do. And fun, too. ;D
I do admire people who have a "let's just see where this road takes us" attitude but I'm too much a control freak to do that with the larger decisions in life, although I do very much enjoy doing that on a vacation or a hike.
It's not for everyone, and there are many women who have no intention whatsoever in getting married or becoming a mom, in which case dating for adventure would be the thing to do. And fun, too. ;D
I do admire people who have a "let's just see where this road takes us" attitude but I'm too much a control freak to do that with the larger decisions in life, although I do very much enjoy doing that on a vacation or a hike.
Thanx everyone for the advice! I was not looking at this as someone who was about to be my husband overnight.lol. we had a great time out Sunday and maybe he will contact me maybe not. I was just trying to see if older man approached dating differently as far as how they show if they are interested in someone. I will take you all advice and go with the flow. those were my intentions. i was never trying to rush anything. thanx again guys :-) i will update you if anything new happens.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Holy moly /rockrose------ I married in my mid 30's and never discussed that on early dates. I really didn't. I was much more casual in my approach and didn't try to match up the person I was on a date with to my long term plans.
I would suggest a more casual attitude to dating. Start by having fun with someone and look for the clues along the way in the early dates. If they say 'I love kids" you can then say "have you ever thought about having them" verses the big interview "do you want kids? Are you wanting to get married to someone in the near future?" etc.
That's just my opinion on it. My husband was a career man when I met him. If he had a great date on Saturday, he might not be in touch with someone immediately because he may be traveling or deep in a project.
Give this some time without having it to have to be something HUGE (such as the man you are going to marry) right off the bat. good luck
I would suggest a more casual attitude to dating. Start by having fun with someone and look for the clues along the way in the early dates. If they say 'I love kids" you can then say "have you ever thought about having them" verses the big interview "do you want kids? Are you wanting to get married to someone in the near future?" etc.
That's just my opinion on it. My husband was a career man when I met him. If he had a great date on Saturday, he might not be in touch with someone immediately because he may be traveling or deep in a project.
Give this some time without having it to have to be something HUGE (such as the man you are going to marry) right off the bat. good luck
I don't think you're overthinking it at all. You're at an age where when you find someone you want to marry, you do it.
And I think that's something you discuss on the very first date, if it's going well and you're really enjoying each other.
Not that you're in any way ready to commit to each other - but before you put more time and emotional energy into him, it would be best to know in general what his plans for his future are. Is he actively looking for a wife? Does he not ever see himself as married with children?
And I think that's something you discuss on the very first date, if it's going well and you're really enjoying each other.
Not that you're in any way ready to commit to each other - but before you put more time and emotional energy into him, it would be best to know in general what his plans for his future are. Is he actively looking for a wife? Does he not ever see himself as married with children?
It's only been three DAYS!! If He knew You were THIS anxious it might just "scare" Him off. I don't even know You and You scare me a little bit!! You JUST met, SO sit back, relax, see where it goes (IF, in fact, it goes anywhere at all). I question why You would put SO MUCH expectation into this after only ONE DATE!! You sound a little desparate to me!! I don't think You should "approach" this at all!! I think You should just wait and see if He shows interest (how do You even know for sure that YOU would be interested at this point? I mean, after all - You JUST met!! You've only JUST had ONE DATE!!). What's the hurry?? Slow down, relax, and simply enjoy this time, the dating, the experience. You are ONLY 25 - You have LOTS of time ahead, to discover, to hope, to plan, to BUILD a relationship. Take Your time.
If men are interested after meeting they will contact you asap. Tired or not. It doesnot appear he is interested. Im an older man.
mind u this was the first time we ever met. so, the first time ever meeting we didn't talk about things geared towards a relationship. i feel that naturally comes up once we got to know each other more...if that even happens. i'm looking for something serious. people have told me just to give it some time & that i'm over thinking everything which could be true.
It sounds like he either really doesn't want a committed relationship, or he doesn't know how to "move" on it. Do you know what he's looking for - just a fun night out, or is he looking for a serious relationship? Are you?
yep, as far as i know. he is 30, never been married, and no kids. he literally just turned 30 on Monday.
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