Aa
Am I wrong or just being realistic?!?!
Ok, so my boyfriend and I are just shy of our 2 yr mark (feb 17) and we just got into this big fight last night over gifts. I remember last yr i joked with him saying "oh you can buy me a new phone for 2 yr, j/k!" because my contract is up on 1 phone line next month. He said ok, and I said no i don't need the phone right away cause I still have one (long story on why I have 2 phone lines a year apart lol) anyways we went to the mall last weekend and went to the apple store to check out the new stuff. i have an iPod already 30 gig and almost 3 yrs old still works like new. i checked out the new ones and naturally wanted one because its new and shiny. the one i picked out was $299, and thats when bf said i can get u that for 2 yr. i said why? i have one already and it still works great. so we leave the store and he is still going on about getting me something so expensive for 2 yr (he only acts like this now because of his new job and makes tons more money then me) and so i said why? he says because he loves me and because he has the money (ugh keeps throwing the word MONEY in my face). ok so dont get me wrong, i have a great job of 5 yrs now, but unfortunately i got more bills to pay then he does plus medical and medicines in which he doesn't, so my money isn't always free when i get paid. plus he gets paid weekly and im bi-weekly so it makes a difference. so last night we are on the phone talking about gifts again and may i remind that v-day is 3 days before 2 yr so its double gifts. i tell him (because we are saving for an apartment) that for 2 yr we should get each other small things and then put the rest of the money into savings. i was planning on getting him an Xbox about $300 and instead only spend maybe 50 or 100 and put the rest into savings. and he was like WHAT?! how could u say that??? i told him all i wanted for 2 yr was flowers to be sent to my job so i can have all the girls i work with ooo and ahh over them. and he was like NO! flowers are for vday and more expensive gift for 2 yr!!!! and then i tell him fine, but if i get u an expensive gift for 2 yr then i cant put much into savings and i dont want him to think i dont love him as much as he does me. and thats when he says: WELL IT'S NOT MY FAULT I CAN AFFORD TO BUY YOU A GREAT GIFT AND PUT TONS OF MONEY INTO SAVINGS AND YOU CAN'T!!! ugh what a jerk!!!! i hung up on him. i was so insulted!!!
My question is, am i wrong for not wanting to waste money on something so expensive rather then saving for an apartment?? I'm more of an adult then he is, and he tends to always waste his money on stuff he never needs and never uses it. I'm just thinking about our future and i don't want like 6 months down the road and regret spending so much on something he didn't need and same with me.
Need help!!
My question is, am i wrong for not wanting to waste money on something so expensive rather then saving for an apartment?? I'm more of an adult then he is, and he tends to always waste his money on stuff he never needs and never uses it. I'm just thinking about our future and i don't want like 6 months down the road and regret spending so much on something he didn't need and same with me.
Need help!!
I can understand why he might want to spoil you now that he makes more money, but I don't think you're wrong in wanting to save. It's the smart thing to do. Maybe he CAN afford to give you an expensive gift AND save :) Good luck! Oh, and you had every reason to be upset and hang up on him!
Thanks for all the advice. The only thing is to me it doesn't matter if he buys me anything or if he does. The gift giving is great, but to spend 300 dollars on 1 thing is crazy. Maybe if we already lived together things may be different, but we are still trying to get our money togehter to afford a place. And to be honest, I'm not in this relationship for the perks of gifts he may buy me, I'm perfectly happy with how we are and don't need expensive items. I've been like that since day 1 we met. Money doesn't change me, I mean of course it's nice that we both make good money now, so its a 2 way street on paying for dinners and stuff, but I'm not in this for the money he makes now. Just because he feels the need and has the means to buy great things, doesn't mean he has to. I'm a simple girl. I'd rather get flowers and simple items (thats just me).
But thanks to all who replyed.
But thanks to all who replyed.
lonely mom is right you need to enjoy the things he buys you now because as soon as you get married it wont be that way no more trust me on that one its just his way of saying he loves you enjoy it while you can ok
All I have to add to the other wonderful posts is enjoy it while it lasts. Bfs tend to buy us things throughout the relationship but as soon as you get married it stops. Not saying that will happen to you but enjoy the fact that he can and does want to buy you something. It all will fall into place. Don't stress the little things.
You do what you can, and let him do what he wants and accept the gift graciously. He is very proud of himself with his new job...Men judge themselves by the money they make although we love them the same no matter how much they make! (hopefully!) It is very important for him to be the "bread winner"! Honestly, he probably loves the idea that he can finally do more than you can! ENJOY IT!
My advice is to let him get you a gift if he wants to get you a gift; for some people, that's a way of showing how much they love you or care about you moreso than other ways of showing that. There's a book called "The Five Love Languages" that explains people usually have five ways to show their love to another, usually favoring one or two traits above the others: giving/receiving gifts, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, and acts of service. That said, many times the people within the relationships don't understand this about the other (like if one person favors physical touch to show love/affection while the other person can't stand to be touched, but favors quality time together) and then conflict arises. It's quite an interesting book.
Anyway, I think this is where your conflict is happening. I think, from this post, that he favors giving/receiving gifts and acts of service, whereas what's more important to you is the quality time and words of affirmation.
To top it off, he feels even more eligable to get you a gift because of the money advantage he has now, and he doesn't fully understand why you can't appreciate the money he wants to put into you for a nice gift, while expecting the same of you for him because that's how he knows he wants to express his love for you.
I honestly don't think he means to be throwing the money advantage he has in your face, I think rather that's just his way of saying, "Look what I have the means to do for you? Why can't you appreciate that? And I don't understand why you feel you can't reciprocate?"
All the while, you're thinking more along the lines of just wanting a nice date, some quality time together, and you want to do something nice for him--money and gifts are not the most important thing to you because that's not how you generally express how you care a majority of the time.
Perhaps you can sit down and talk with each other about this on the condition that the money issue is not brought up. But basically accept a gift he gets for you, whatever it may be, expensive or not, because obviously he feels a need to get this for you--or, maybe you can say you would feel more comfortable with any gift is there is a price limit on it because you want to invest in your future as well, which means just as much to you. Then tell him that you'd love to get him a gift too (and if you want to, then do it) but that the more important thing to you is this and that, and to please accept everything you do for him for what it's worth coming from you, and you'll do the same for him.
Have a wonderful V-day and 2-year (and congrats on that)!
Anyway, I think this is where your conflict is happening. I think, from this post, that he favors giving/receiving gifts and acts of service, whereas what's more important to you is the quality time and words of affirmation.
To top it off, he feels even more eligable to get you a gift because of the money advantage he has now, and he doesn't fully understand why you can't appreciate the money he wants to put into you for a nice gift, while expecting the same of you for him because that's how he knows he wants to express his love for you.
I honestly don't think he means to be throwing the money advantage he has in your face, I think rather that's just his way of saying, "Look what I have the means to do for you? Why can't you appreciate that? And I don't understand why you feel you can't reciprocate?"
All the while, you're thinking more along the lines of just wanting a nice date, some quality time together, and you want to do something nice for him--money and gifts are not the most important thing to you because that's not how you generally express how you care a majority of the time.
Perhaps you can sit down and talk with each other about this on the condition that the money issue is not brought up. But basically accept a gift he gets for you, whatever it may be, expensive or not, because obviously he feels a need to get this for you--or, maybe you can say you would feel more comfortable with any gift is there is a price limit on it because you want to invest in your future as well, which means just as much to you. Then tell him that you'd love to get him a gift too (and if you want to, then do it) but that the more important thing to you is this and that, and to please accept everything you do for him for what it's worth coming from you, and you'll do the same for him.
Have a wonderful V-day and 2-year (and congrats on that)!
No he had no idea I was planing on getting him an Xbox. I thought it would of been a nice equal gift and also because he really wants one. I told him I rather go out to a nice dinner like we are doing this Saturday night (1 yr 11months).
I don't think you are wrong for wanting to save rather than spend money, my bf and I don't do gifts because we don't have the money, we go out to dinner for special occasions, that's our gift.
While I do think you are wise for wanting to save, I think you should be happy that he wants to buy you a nice gift if he has the means to. He shouldn't expect an expensive gift in return though if you cant afford it. I hope he isn't buying you an ipod just so you buy him an XBOX, I hope is doing it because he loves you.
While I do think you are wise for wanting to save, I think you should be happy that he wants to buy you a nice gift if he has the means to. He shouldn't expect an expensive gift in return though if you cant afford it. I hope he isn't buying you an ipod just so you buy him an XBOX, I hope is doing it because he loves you.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
