Am i leading him on?

[linzilou384]

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and although i love spending time with him, look forward to seeing him and there is a lot of chemistry, i honestly can't imagine being with him forever. I'm 23 and he is 30. What concerns me is that he has hinted at the idea of settling down and wanting to move in together. I've told him i'm not ready to move in together. I'm starting to feel that maybe i don't love him enough and that we might want different things.

Also I keep thinking of my ex-boyfriend (very short rel) who never cared for me. I wouldn't want to get back with him either. However, i had my first sexual relationship with this man and he ended it in a text message. I was hurt and confused at the time but genuinely felt it would never work out anyway. I am confused as to why i think about him and it makes me think that maybe my current boyfriend isn't right for me?!

Anyway my current boyfriend is so loving and i feel the relationship is going well. There are a couple of things that have bothered me - drinking too much and swearing a lot. I know that might seem petty but i feel these are things that would prevent me wanting to be with him forever.

Basically, i worry that in some way i could be leading him on. Despite being in love with him and wanting to spend time with him i can't see us together forever and he's said he wants to be with me forever.

Am i wrong for staying with him? I have said that i'm not ready for kids, marriage or moving in together. So in one sense i don't feel i am because i genuinely love being with him and care for him, but then i think of his expectations for the relationship and i'm not so sure.

Any words of advice would be appreciated, thanks.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, I think a couple of things could be happening.  First, you don't have that big of an age gap but it is a big one in terms of what people might want at age 23 verses age 30.  You may not be in the "settling down" mode yet and I personally wouldn't blame you for that at 23.  You have plenty of time to find your marriage partner.The other thing that I must comment on is . . .you've been together for a pretty long time and if those "special" feelings were going to develop, I think you'd know by now.  You think of other men and have doubts even though he is a nice guy and you are 'comfortable'.  I don't really think you are wasting his time but you are wasting your own.  Chances are that you are just comfortable now and eventually you are going to want to be completely head over heals in love and this current relationship will end.  So, I think that you should look honestly at yourself as well and find true love.  And worry about drinking during dating can turn into a lifetime of worry as big drinkers often continue and get worse or never grow out of it.  Some do, many don't.  

Just my opinion and something for you to think about.  good luck

[teko]

You are not into the marriage thing, but the bf is. You both have different expectations of the relationship. However, you have told him you are not ready for the relationship to go further, so you are not leading him on. You have been straight up with him. You are only 23 and if you do not see being with him forever then you could play it either way. You could continue to see him and see how the relationship develops or you can spare him trying to convince you of a marriage and let him know you are not into marriage and move on. If you do continue to see him with his expectations it could get sticky down the road unless, of course you change your mind about him. But no you are not leading him on if you told him straight up you are not ready for any of what he is thinking. Personally, I would move on, if I knew in my heart it wasnt going further, if I were wanting to meet someone to go further with. If I was just out for a good time and enjoyed the company, I would continue the relationship but continue to be honest about how I feel.