Aa
Anxity stops me from approaching and dating guys
Hello, so I've been diagnosed with mental health disorders, and I've been struggling with them since I was a kid. I've be been always an introvert with guys and girl basically everybody . the past 2 Years, I've been more social but I still struggle with making a relationship with guys. Every time a guy triednto build a friendship with me or even approach I just reject them. Jot because I hate them but I'm afraid to show them I'm desperate. Nandni have trust issues when it comes to guys. My ocd ruins everything with the compulsive thoughte and also my delusional thoughts. Every time I talk to a guy I just keep thinking that I've talked to him in a very stupid way or even looked awkward. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. I've been keeping away guys who likes me, (and I like them) but I don't show any interest because I'm afraid. I may not be now socially introvert but I keep on acting cold with them as if I'm not interested on them while I am. And guys do ask me for dates but I refuse them because of my anxiety and self-conscious. What I actually think that maybe I'm acting that way because I was fat and ugly in my middle school and guys always acted rude to me and rejected me? And then I worked hard on myself the last few years to lose weight so I still think that guys still act the same way and lost trust on them? Please help me. I'm always sad when I see girls dating and confident talking to guys and approaching them, and also they feel super comfortable with them. While I'm just here blaming mmyself and i never show any interest for guys. How do I get over this?
I'm sorry , I know that all my questions and ocd are causing me to keep asking about my troubles, i cant help it. Probably my experience with abuse, bully etc had affected me mentally in a terrible way. I lost my self esteem and confidence. Considering that if I talk to people, they will reject me as they did before. And I get amazed over how people could talk to others and become social with everyone, it just amazes me how confident they are and for me, its just a fact that I will probably regret talking to other people and will make me feel fool in front of them. So I just avoid these situations and also, avoid people. My mom tried to make me join sports clubs etc but I told her i want to play there by my own, with no coach or communicating with others. She's trying to make me more.social but my mind somehow is refusing it and makes me want to join BUT without communicating with others. Texting other people is a struggle, talkig to them face to face is even worse. When I was 9 years old. I joined a sports club, and it was terrible. I had no friends at all, always sitting by myself, getting bullied by other girls, splashing water on me. I couldn't tell my mom because I was afraid. I made an excuse to my.mom that I don't want to go there because I'm 'sick'. This is why I'm always afraid. My past had been a big affect on me, till now. I guess that confidence should be build in childhood, once you lose confidence, its like feeling lost. A guy has been talking to me and making excuses to talk to me, he does flirt and compliment me sometimes, and he does greet me in a nice way, he once saw me sitting by myself. He sat beside me for a moment, he said nothing at all, looked at me and then he just went somewhere else. Im afraid to talk, but I just tried to be nice yesterday, I texted him but he he ignored it. This is the reason why im.afraid of talking, its 'rejecting' . not only this happens when I talk to guys, but also happens when I talk to anyone. Is there is something special about me that keeps people away from me? Probably yes. They might act all good, but then they leave me left out.
I agree that you should be joining groups and learning how to be friends with boys that has nothing to do with the stress of a romantic relationship. Walk before you run. or Baby Steps, is something you should be keeping in mind. Yes?
Hi,
Along with the suggestion of seeking therapy and anxiety/ocd meds., which is a very wise idea to check into ~ have you ever considered joining a group or club for people in your age group, that may share some of the same interests as you? It could help your comfort level, self esteem, and help relieve some of your social anxiety by being in an environment that is more focused on a subject such as an interest or a hobby that everyone shares, instead of feeling the pressure of one on one attention. Having and sharing similar interests makes for a good ice breaker when it comes to socializing, whether you're interested in just making friends or to find a potential date...
Take Care
Along with the suggestion of seeking therapy and anxiety/ocd meds., which is a very wise idea to check into ~ have you ever considered joining a group or club for people in your age group, that may share some of the same interests as you? It could help your comfort level, self esteem, and help relieve some of your social anxiety by being in an environment that is more focused on a subject such as an interest or a hobby that everyone shares, instead of feeling the pressure of one on one attention. Having and sharing similar interests makes for a good ice breaker when it comes to socializing, whether you're interested in just making friends or to find a potential date...
Take Care
I just realized that I've posted comments on earlier posts of yours. The thing is that what's happening to you, is happening because of things that have gone unanswered (by you) in your earlier posts.
In your May 29th '15 post you said "My dad is abusive!!" You said specifically, "I'm sick of him and I hate him so much that I don't feel comfortable around him or trust him anymore." I commented but you either didn't read the comment or chose not to answer.
Also, June 21st, '15 post "Hard time getting rid of OCD" you filled us in that you suffered from OCD. Another person commented on that post, but it has gone unanswered by you. You said "I'm 16, and don't want to be on medications, how do I get rid of it naturally. I tried to , but failed." The commenter suggested that you get into CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" That medication "works" but that they always suggest that people learn CBT first before medication. That makes perfect sense to me.
The poster left it , like I did, saying " Looking forward to hearing what kind of treatment you've been in" Or , not done yet......
I think you need to realize that you are made off all these complex issues, when you look at them as a whole, i know, it can be daunting, at best. But this is life, and by separating your issues, and not considering the advice you've been given, and the interest in person's wanting to help, you are in fact acting in a form of "denial".
Try and put the whole picture together, and act on the advice or at least acknowledge it? it would help us greatly..to help you.
I sure hope to hear you coming back and putting all these things together and seeing that one affects the other?
It makes perfect sense that you can't trust men because of your relationship with your dad. It is that which you need to deal with first before boys. I'm so sorry about this, but it is the way of it, and you are not alone.
In your May 29th '15 post you said "My dad is abusive!!" You said specifically, "I'm sick of him and I hate him so much that I don't feel comfortable around him or trust him anymore." I commented but you either didn't read the comment or chose not to answer.
Also, June 21st, '15 post "Hard time getting rid of OCD" you filled us in that you suffered from OCD. Another person commented on that post, but it has gone unanswered by you. You said "I'm 16, and don't want to be on medications, how do I get rid of it naturally. I tried to , but failed." The commenter suggested that you get into CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" That medication "works" but that they always suggest that people learn CBT first before medication. That makes perfect sense to me.
The poster left it , like I did, saying " Looking forward to hearing what kind of treatment you've been in" Or , not done yet......
I think you need to realize that you are made off all these complex issues, when you look at them as a whole, i know, it can be daunting, at best. But this is life, and by separating your issues, and not considering the advice you've been given, and the interest in person's wanting to help, you are in fact acting in a form of "denial".
Try and put the whole picture together, and act on the advice or at least acknowledge it? it would help us greatly..to help you.
I sure hope to hear you coming back and putting all these things together and seeing that one affects the other?
It makes perfect sense that you can't trust men because of your relationship with your dad. It is that which you need to deal with first before boys. I'm so sorry about this, but it is the way of it, and you are not alone.
I'm concerned that you've been diagnosed with mental illness, but have heard of no plan of action taken on your part that you could be relying upon at this time in your life. I'm glad to hear that there are potential partners showing an interest. That's GREAT !!!! That means that you only have to have help to construct a bridge for you to cross and become friends with men as well as women.
I know that school for some can be cruel and can over ride into the present. I'm sure that with a little support you could also bridge that gap, and learn to process the past, to the point of not letting it interfere with your present, and therefore your future. It does take work, but by your reaching out here, it is proof positive that you are willing to do something to help yourself move on from the past and live well in the present. It's very positive indeed that you've reached out here for a start. You are meant to grow and gain a solid ground for yourself. You've taken the first steps...towards change.
I know that school for some can be cruel and can over ride into the present. I'm sure that with a little support you could also bridge that gap, and learn to process the past, to the point of not letting it interfere with your present, and therefore your future. It does take work, but by your reaching out here, it is proof positive that you are willing to do something to help yourself move on from the past and live well in the present. It's very positive indeed that you've reached out here for a start. You are meant to grow and gain a solid ground for yourself. You've taken the first steps...towards change.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome to the forum. I am SO sorry that you are feeling this way and having difficulty. That's hard. You want a life with a partner but you have such trouble overcoming your anxiety. Have you talked to a doctor about your anxiety and ocd? Are you currently taking medication or in treatment? Today's medications for anxiety/ocd are terrific. There are several to choose from and while all medications have side effects, today's drugs are much easier on us. They have 'start up' side effects for the first few weeks (around six) that peter out and basically disappear. And at the six to eight week mark, the medication is working and you SHOULD feel better. Consider this if you have not started medication yet Social anxiety and anxiety in general can greatly improve with medication on board.
That should be your first step. Talking to someone also helps such as a talk therapist.
Once you do that, meeting men to date will be less overwhelming. You can also talk to the therapist about past feelings you've had. Gosh, I hate to hear that anyone was mean to you. Middle School is a notorious time for such nasty behavior. Just know that while I'm glad you've gotten healthy, you do NOT have to be skinny to be lovable. People come in all shapes and sizes and find partners to be with. So, don't feel like you have to be a certain way in order to have a special person in your life.
Let me know about the medical side of your anxiety and what you are doing for it and we'll go from there. good luck, peace and hugs
That should be your first step. Talking to someone also helps such as a talk therapist.
Once you do that, meeting men to date will be less overwhelming. You can also talk to the therapist about past feelings you've had. Gosh, I hate to hear that anyone was mean to you. Middle School is a notorious time for such nasty behavior. Just know that while I'm glad you've gotten healthy, you do NOT have to be skinny to be lovable. People come in all shapes and sizes and find partners to be with. So, don't feel like you have to be a certain way in order to have a special person in your life.
Let me know about the medical side of your anxiety and what you are doing for it and we'll go from there. good luck, peace and hugs
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
