Asian Man & Caucasian Woman?

[ricky_id]

Hello folks,

Normally I'm on HIV Prevention Community, but just recently realised how diverse this MedHelp is and decided to see whether I could get a new perspective on some questions popping over and over again in my head. So let's start, and I'll make it as short as possible because I know how exhausting it is to read too long questions :)

1. I live in Indonesia for 20+ years, but can't get along with the girls here because they're either man eaters are overly traditional (in the sense that a man that knows everything is a 'freak'). Was in Germany for 6 months for internship and have got to know many more girls than I have in Indonesia during my lifetime, but don't get anything beyond 2-3 meetings (all of which without sex) because I notice the Germans like me better than my fellow countrymen. Now waiting again in 6 months to move there for work, hopefully once and for all. Since I'm sure many here are Caucasians, I'm wondering how are you Caucasian ladies seeing us Asian boys? Of course, there are a lot of Caucasian man and Asian lady couples out there, but not really other way around, and I'm therefore wondering, what obstacles do you see from us in building a relationship, or at least, what kills your interest in us?

2. To be honest I never dated a girl in my lifetime because of restrictive mother who told me that I might date at 30 years old and marry at 40 years old but I now have rebelled for good. Used to date a German girl on the net on a faraway relationship with us never having met each other, but now we've broken up. I very rarely went to club and spent my WEs at home, kind of boring guy but that doesn't mean I can't talk over everything. And perhaps surprisingly, never had a sex unless with CSWs recently, on the belief that I get well-trained to "have fun" with my future GF and therefore she will love me, which was why I joined the HIV Prevention Community forum even though I had had safe sex. Most, if not all the CSWs said that I was good in bed, but I'm pretty sure most of them were just flattering. The question is, would you ladies really prioritise being good in bed for your future partner?

Well I guess these are all. I don't wanna mention my qualities to be a good BF because they could be misleading. And sorry for writing so long despite my early promise because it's like 20+ years buried thought and then be poured all at once because I had nobody to talk to about this.

Pls don't hesitate if you have any question if I've written confusingly. Thx :)

[ricky_id]

...But don't push yourself to answer if this issue is too sensitive for you ppl. At least I've got some initial clue for that. :)

[ricky_id]

Thx for the initial responses. And let me explain further what the name of the game my mom sets: "Date at 30+ years old, marry at 40+, or better not have a partner at all (yes)" Worth swearing, isn't it? Imagine how I would be if I kept on playing on her term. I simply can't thrive "at home".

About cultural differences, I'm not talking in the context that one race/nationality is superior/inferior than another, because if I am, I won't even consider dating a Western girl like what I'm talking about now :). In fact, I'm more than ready to leave all my identities and past behind and embrace a brand new culture, just wanna find out how to fast-track it :).

And you see, now is the age of equality, no matter gender, race, etc. You ladies are talking about the characteristics of us guys and other way around, yet there's no thing such as inequality, so I guess the same goes to interracial relationship and I'm pretty thick-skinned for a blunt talking about this :)

So, based on your experiences or those of your friends/families, is there actually any difference between Asian guys and our white peers in term of behaviour? Of course, not every Asian is like this, but at least I could get a new perspective from this. Any plus and minus would be welcome :)

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I think people should tread lightly when entering into a relationship where different cultures come into play.  The only reason why is because relationships are work.  Marriage and parenting are the hardest things you will ever do.  Trying to bring 2 cultures together can be very, very difficult.  I speak from experience because I am a very patriotic American and my husband is from Colombia.  It has been VERY difficult at times and our different backgrounds have made things more difficult.

Can it work?  Yes it can, but both parties have to be willing to make the extra investment.  I mean, like I said, all relationships are going to take work.  With different cultures, there is just an extra added element of difficulty in my opinion.

Good luck.

[penswriter]

Like specialmom I'm from the States. I see nothing wrong with people dating others of different nationalities. Before my husband and I began dating (yes he is white but like me he's only a 2nd gen american. He's full blooded russian....just born here.) I dated a few Asian men. One was from.....I can't remember off the top of my head...it was ages ago...but he was a really great guy. We were just at 2 different stages of life.

[specialmom]

Hm.  This is my experience and I am from the US------------ there are all kinds of people out there and all kinds of couples.  Our country has its "taboos" I guess but they are getting less and less so.  The surface layer of someone seems less important these days in large portions of the Western World.  What does still matter is the inner layers and this is where people of two entirely different cultures have more work to do to iron out the details of a strong, communicative, cooperative relationship.  Moving from a very strict, traditional Asian culture-----------  would things come up when trying to tie your life to someone from a totally different background?  You sound ready to leave some of your culteral practices behind----------  does that mean that you are willing to embrace the culture of another?  Would it bother you if your mother never accepted your future wife?  

My feeling is that we live our lives for ourselves.  And hopefully we can have it all---------  a great marital relationship, great in laws, great relationship with our own parents and family, , and everyone can be a happy family together.  Sometimes it is worth having just the great marriage if the other things are stifling you and getting in your way.  But you have to be sure you can deal with the emotional issues that come with that.

So, see?  No simple answer.  On the surface-------------  two people of different nationalities and races should matter not.  Love sees no color and crosses all borders.  But relationships are hard work.  What you are asking about here may create extra work for you----------  but ya know what, hard work shouldn't scare anyone off from fulfilling their dreams and desires.  So, go for it when you move back to Germany!

I'd try to think of good ways to meet ladies when there.  Things that suit your personality style.  Perhaps join a gym and meet someone there, perhaps take a class and meet someone there, perhaps join a book club, meet someone in your apartment building, etc.  The "quieter" ways verses out in a club which sounds like it would be torture for you.  

Anyway, good luck and let us know how it goes!