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At what age is too old for a daughter to kiss her dad on the lips?
I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years now. His daughter is almost 17 years old. She cuddles with him on the couch, kissing on his shoulder, kissing on his arms, rubbing on his stomach. She was lying on the couch with him, she had her head on his lap and he was rubbing her back. She laid there for hours that day. She kisses him on the lips before she goes to bed at night. She runs around the house in her bra and underwear all time. She is even now starting to run upstairs naked while her dad sits on the couch and can clearly see her running upstairs. She says "Daddy" dont look im naked. And yes she still calls him "Daddy", and talks like a baby around him. It drives me crazy when she does this. I have tried talking to my bf about this and he just says she is "Daddy's" little girl and always will be. I feel I always will be second best to her. I mean I have been putting up with it for 2 years now. I raised one daughter of my own and I have never ever saw anything like this. My bf says it is normal for a daughter to kiss and rub all over her "daddy", I told him no its not normal for a daughter at her age to do this. She even came into his bedroom not too long ago and crawled in bed with us. Laying her head on her daddy's shoulder, then she started kissing it. I got up and left the bedroom. I refuse to sit there while this is going on. I cant take it. It freaks me out.
COMMUNITY LEADER
My niece kisses her dad on the lips in a 'peck' kind of way and she is 22. She kisses my sister this same way. Just to answer your above question. And she will call her dad daddy. My kids are still young and I hate the thought of them not calling me mommy. They should feel free to call me that until they are 100 and I hope they do. LOL
I answered your previous post on this same subject but with less details.
Listen, I don't know if this is normal or not but you sound quite jealous.
the problem is not the girl really but instead, how your man handles it. HE is the one to talk to and try to resolve this. If you feel like he is too affectionate with his daughter ---- you have to ask him to stop. If you feel he is sexual with her, then you have to leave him. If he refuses to take your feelings into account, then I think this situation is hopeless. goodluck
I answered your previous post on this same subject but with less details.
Listen, I don't know if this is normal or not but you sound quite jealous.
the problem is not the girl really but instead, how your man handles it. HE is the one to talk to and try to resolve this. If you feel like he is too affectionate with his daughter ---- you have to ask him to stop. If you feel he is sexual with her, then you have to leave him. If he refuses to take your feelings into account, then I think this situation is hopeless. goodluck
Is it ok for her to be cuddling, caressing and kissing all over him acceptable? Is it ok for her to run around the house in her bra and underwear?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Dear, he's the parent. If he does not want her to do it, he must handle it. IF HE is carressing her and he is being sexual, then you need to call child protective services.
Have you tried talking to your boyfriend??? Have you told him how you don't like this and are uncomfortable?? Does he ignore you or agree with you and is he willing to change the dynamics between him and his daughter.
But I don't blame the child here only-------- you seem to want to make her a villain. She's doing what she has always done and unless her dad doesn't want her to and stops her, then why would this be HER fault? Just curious.
Have you tried talking to your boyfriend??? Have you told him how you don't like this and are uncomfortable?? Does he ignore you or agree with you and is he willing to change the dynamics between him and his daughter.
But I don't blame the child here only-------- you seem to want to make her a villain. She's doing what she has always done and unless her dad doesn't want her to and stops her, then why would this be HER fault? Just curious.
COMMUNITY LEADER
If your gut tells you that they are sexual together, why would you want to stay with him?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, sorry for all the posts. LOL I am sure this is upsetting to you. I'm gathering that perhaps the daughter is overly affectionate with her dad who does not stop this and you feel helpless. I again will say that talking to her father is the place to start. If that gets you nowhere, there isn't much you can do. If he really is sexual with her, call CPS. If you just think he is overly affectionate and he refuses to make a change (he directs her, right? He is the parent.) then this might not be the right relationship for you. goodluck
I know there is no sexual thing going on. Im not tryin to make her out to be the bad person all i was doing was seeing if it is normal or not. That is all. I have tried to talk to my bf about it and he has told me it normal for a daughter to do this to her father. I have just never seen it thats all.
I am no means jealous here either. trust me on this.
I called my Father "Daddy" till the day He died at age 72 and I ALWAYS kissed Him on the lips. My Daddy and I were always affectionate with one another and my 2 Brothers as well always hugged and kissed our Dad (they didn't call him "Daddy" as I did - their word for him was "Papa") I never ran around the house nude or in my bra and panties but I was taught to be modest and private by Both my Parents. So - some of this sounds okay to me, some of it doesn't
BUT
I would question why are You willing to stay in this relationship if it "creeps You out" ??
AND
I would suggest that if this is the way it has always been between Them You cannot and should not, try to change it. They will both resent Your interference and apparently You will resent Their affection. My opinion here changes if You think there is incest (sexual child abuse) - in that case, You should report it but should still be done with this relationship.
BUT
I would question why are You willing to stay in this relationship if it "creeps You out" ??
AND
I would suggest that if this is the way it has always been between Them You cannot and should not, try to change it. They will both resent Your interference and apparently You will resent Their affection. My opinion here changes if You think there is incest (sexual child abuse) - in that case, You should report it but should still be done with this relationship.
BTW: I still call my dad "daddy" or "papa" and I am well past 17. Nothing disturbing about that in my opinion. To be honest, the baby talk would drive me a bit "nuts." I will never be "too old" not to give my father a kiss on the lips. Don't see a problem with a quick peck on the lips.
Hmmm....normal........normal can mean different things to different people and apparently this behavior is normal for the father and daughter. It definitely wouldn't be "my normal" and it isn't "your normal" as well.
This is not going to change into "your normal" any time soon in my opinion especially since you have talked with your bf about this and he stated his daughter's behavior is how daughters act with their fathers. She had to learn this behavior was ok or "normal" from someone, i.e. the dad.
Your statement....."I mean I have been putting up with it for 2 years now." Why? That's the beauty of having a bf; it's easier to leave when there are things that aren't "tolerable." This sounds like something you will NEVER accept.
You can't change a person or people into what you would like them to be unless they WANT that. Continue the relationship willing to accept this or move on and find someone closer to your idea of "normalicy" and closer to your views in regards to parenting.
This is coming from a stepmother with 4 stepchildren and accepting differences in parenting and differences in behaviors is not an easy task, but I had to accept this.
Hmmm....normal........normal can mean different things to different people and apparently this behavior is normal for the father and daughter. It definitely wouldn't be "my normal" and it isn't "your normal" as well.
This is not going to change into "your normal" any time soon in my opinion especially since you have talked with your bf about this and he stated his daughter's behavior is how daughters act with their fathers. She had to learn this behavior was ok or "normal" from someone, i.e. the dad.
Your statement....."I mean I have been putting up with it for 2 years now." Why? That's the beauty of having a bf; it's easier to leave when there are things that aren't "tolerable." This sounds like something you will NEVER accept.
You can't change a person or people into what you would like them to be unless they WANT that. Continue the relationship willing to accept this or move on and find someone closer to your idea of "normalicy" and closer to your views in regards to parenting.
This is coming from a stepmother with 4 stepchildren and accepting differences in parenting and differences in behaviors is not an easy task, but I had to accept this.
Your statement...."I have tried talking to my bf about this and he just says she is "Daddy's" little girl and always will be. I feel I always will be second best to her." Well....your bf has made it perfectly clear that this is how things are going to be. If you are being made to feel like "second best" why stay?
Your statement...."I cant take it. It freaks me out." I don't know about you, but when something is "freaking" me out I am usually running far, far away from the situation, not sticking around.
I will admit some of the things you mentioned in your post are very concerning, i.e. running around naked or running around in her bra/underwear. Sure hope to the heaven's above there is nothing sexual going on, however, you have stated there isn't.
Your statement...."I cant take it. It freaks me out." I don't know about you, but when something is "freaking" me out I am usually running far, far away from the situation, not sticking around.
I will admit some of the things you mentioned in your post are very concerning, i.e. running around naked or running around in her bra/underwear. Sure hope to the heaven's above there is nothing sexual going on, however, you have stated there isn't.
I dont feel there is anything sexual going on. But i just feel its not right they way they lay on the couch together. I feel at her age she should be out dating boys. I mean i understand about daddy's little girl, but hopefully someday she will be out on her own living her own life then what is he going to do??
Maybe I'm the only one here who got really uncomfortable reading your post. What I'm picturing would land high schoolers in our school in Saturday detention for "Public Display of Affection". I'm not even talking about her running around naked and announcing to her father that she's nude and don't look. That one actually made me suck in air. Honestly, I have teenage boys and they don't behave the way you're talking about with their GIRLFRIENDS in my presence - kissing each other on the arms, shoulders, etc.
Sexual behavior is on a continuum, from silly flirting all the way down to copulation. This is about half way there, IMHO.
I was called a "daddy's girl" when I was a child because I had a warm close relationship with my father, we would go fishing together, hiking, we enjoyed each other's company. Maybe my perspective here is different because my family is more formal than most in this thread, I never called him "daddy" after about 3 years old. We have never engaged in anything that looked even mildly flirtatious, and our physical contact is limited to hugs hello and goodbye, and during times of stress or upset I'd sit and hold his hand or he'd stand behind me while I'm seated and rest a hand on my shoulder. That's it.
So I understand that some of these behaviors are more typical than they seem to me, but the naked thing is so far over the top that I don't think I would have been able to hold my tongue. "In this house, we do not walk around naked and try to attract attention to ourselves. If you're in the shower and there's no towel, or you need a robe, please call out and I will bring you one."
If she were 9, I'd be blaming the father. She's nearly 17, and she's the one behaving this way - he's just not stopping it. I don't think she's blameless here at all, and I think when she's much older she'll be embarrassed to remember behaving this way.
But I do realize that others here may see it differently.
Sexual behavior is on a continuum, from silly flirting all the way down to copulation. This is about half way there, IMHO.
I was called a "daddy's girl" when I was a child because I had a warm close relationship with my father, we would go fishing together, hiking, we enjoyed each other's company. Maybe my perspective here is different because my family is more formal than most in this thread, I never called him "daddy" after about 3 years old. We have never engaged in anything that looked even mildly flirtatious, and our physical contact is limited to hugs hello and goodbye, and during times of stress or upset I'd sit and hold his hand or he'd stand behind me while I'm seated and rest a hand on my shoulder. That's it.
So I understand that some of these behaviors are more typical than they seem to me, but the naked thing is so far over the top that I don't think I would have been able to hold my tongue. "In this house, we do not walk around naked and try to attract attention to ourselves. If you're in the shower and there's no towel, or you need a robe, please call out and I will bring you one."
If she were 9, I'd be blaming the father. She's nearly 17, and she's the one behaving this way - he's just not stopping it. I don't think she's blameless here at all, and I think when she's much older she'll be embarrassed to remember behaving this way.
But I do realize that others here may see it differently.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, wherever you want to throw the blame, the poster clearly isn't going to be able to change the situation and should move on. Just my opinion.
My opinion too, SpecialMom - She should move on. She can't/won't change these behaviors that have been going on for years - Everyone will resent everyone if She tries.
Very valuable views and opinions.. now if I may, I would like to throw in some of my views and opinions of the issue at hand.. some may disagree and that is ok. I think this is a touchy subject.. I think everyone would agree.
I am 26, will be 27 in May, I am still considered to be young, but obviously older than 17. I am extremely close to my dad, or Pops as I call him. I still give him a good ole peck on the lips (that is if he doesn't have a cold sore, lol.. my poor sis has one thanks to him haha) if pops went to the store, I would usually go. My nickname my dad gave me from the time I was born and still calls me to this day is Powly or baby. We went fishing together, as I am the only child who liked fishing.. I gave my pops hugs everyday when I lived with him and everytime I went to visit him (he is now in prison) that is as far as our affection went.. an occasional peck on the lips and hugs. I call him pops and he calls me Powly or baby.. I am the only child he gave a nickname to. I am his firstborn with my mom.. he has a dd (my half sis, whom I call my sis) from another woman and she's 4 years older than I. I don't think a daughter is too old to call their father "daddy" the baby talk is rather strange and I would agree would get annoying. The daughter is 17, right? She has developed breasts and all that womanly stuff.. she should not be running upstairs in the nude and announcing it to her father.. when this does happen may I ask what his demeanor is like (uncomfortable?) When she crawls in bed she kisses his shoulder? Ok, that is weird to me.. there are fine lines with fathers and daughters that should NEVER be crossed.. what do you mean when you say she rubs and kisses on him.. and don't take offense when I say this but I'm sorry, you ARE ALWAYS going to be second best when it comes to his child.. children always come first.
Anyways, I don't believe this flirtatious behavior is appropriate. There is a huge difference between being affectionate with your father/daughter and being flirtatious. If it is making you this uncomfortable, and rightfully so.. you should probably seperate from him. If he doesn't see anything wrong with the relationship with him and his daughter now he probably never will.
I do wish you the very best of luck my friend. I hope you did not find my post offensive. Take care,
Krystal
I am 26, will be 27 in May, I am still considered to be young, but obviously older than 17. I am extremely close to my dad, or Pops as I call him. I still give him a good ole peck on the lips (that is if he doesn't have a cold sore, lol.. my poor sis has one thanks to him haha) if pops went to the store, I would usually go. My nickname my dad gave me from the time I was born and still calls me to this day is Powly or baby. We went fishing together, as I am the only child who liked fishing.. I gave my pops hugs everyday when I lived with him and everytime I went to visit him (he is now in prison) that is as far as our affection went.. an occasional peck on the lips and hugs. I call him pops and he calls me Powly or baby.. I am the only child he gave a nickname to. I am his firstborn with my mom.. he has a dd (my half sis, whom I call my sis) from another woman and she's 4 years older than I. I don't think a daughter is too old to call their father "daddy" the baby talk is rather strange and I would agree would get annoying. The daughter is 17, right? She has developed breasts and all that womanly stuff.. she should not be running upstairs in the nude and announcing it to her father.. when this does happen may I ask what his demeanor is like (uncomfortable?) When she crawls in bed she kisses his shoulder? Ok, that is weird to me.. there are fine lines with fathers and daughters that should NEVER be crossed.. what do you mean when you say she rubs and kisses on him.. and don't take offense when I say this but I'm sorry, you ARE ALWAYS going to be second best when it comes to his child.. children always come first.
Anyways, I don't believe this flirtatious behavior is appropriate. There is a huge difference between being affectionate with your father/daughter and being flirtatious. If it is making you this uncomfortable, and rightfully so.. you should probably seperate from him. If he doesn't see anything wrong with the relationship with him and his daughter now he probably never will.
I do wish you the very best of luck my friend. I hope you did not find my post offensive. Take care,
Krystal
I love this comment, DM.
"There is a huge difference between being affectionate with your father/daughter and being flirtatious"
I love that. I have sons, but I think I would have the same exact behaviors with daughters, and it's not flirtatious in the least. Loving, and hugging, and affectionate, with no sexual connotation whatsoever.
"There is a huge difference between being affectionate with your father/daughter and being flirtatious"
I love that. I have sons, but I think I would have the same exact behaviors with daughters, and it's not flirtatious in the least. Loving, and hugging, and affectionate, with no sexual connotation whatsoever.
Thank you RR! :)
Yes I agree, the same rules apply no matter what gender the child is. How old are your boys? My dd is 15.5 months old :)
I would have a heart attack if she ran around in her bra and panties at that age, let alone in her bday suit.. however, she won't do that because she will know better..
I sincerely wish the poster good luck.
Krystal
Yes I agree, the same rules apply no matter what gender the child is. How old are your boys? My dd is 15.5 months old :)
I would have a heart attack if she ran around in her bra and panties at that age, let alone in her bday suit.. however, she won't do that because she will know better..
I sincerely wish the poster good luck.
Krystal
Yes, the situation is concerning and not something I personally would accept, but it is what it is. I would of been out of there like yesterday because I think that it will always be this way with this father and daughter.
Obviously, this child was taught this was "ok" and NOT given boundaries. I will put the blame mostly on the parent. She only knows what she has been taught and perhaps she really doesn't know any better. Who knows.
Plus, the poster stated that there wasn't any sexual abuse going on. I will put it back on the father as it is his job to parent. I am always surprised nowadays how the teenagers act; alot of their behavior is really concerning and lacking boundaries; a total result of parenting in my opinion. "Children gone wild." 17 is no "adult" and yes, she should know better, but for what ever reason or reason she sounds "clueless." Perhaps the girl is emotionally younger than 17, perhaps she is just that simple-minded or perhaps she enjoys flirting with her dad (I am getting sick just thinking about that)......who knows
Like I stated, everyone has a different view of "normal." And for me, this isn't "my normal" at all and probably will NEVER change.
Obviously, this child was taught this was "ok" and NOT given boundaries. I will put the blame mostly on the parent. She only knows what she has been taught and perhaps she really doesn't know any better. Who knows.
Plus, the poster stated that there wasn't any sexual abuse going on. I will put it back on the father as it is his job to parent. I am always surprised nowadays how the teenagers act; alot of their behavior is really concerning and lacking boundaries; a total result of parenting in my opinion. "Children gone wild." 17 is no "adult" and yes, she should know better, but for what ever reason or reason she sounds "clueless." Perhaps the girl is emotionally younger than 17, perhaps she is just that simple-minded or perhaps she enjoys flirting with her dad (I am getting sick just thinking about that)......who knows
Like I stated, everyone has a different view of "normal." And for me, this isn't "my normal" at all and probably will NEVER change.
Yes, she should be doing those things (i.e.dating boys), etc., but once again the PARENT should be guiding this and it is apparent your bf is guiding this in some warped way or twisted way. It is his parenting style that is unorthodox allowing all this to happen. Plus, I am not sure if the child has some sort of emotional issues (enjoys flirting with her dad), could be emotionally younger than her years or just that simple-minded and naive......who knows for sure.
Your statement......"I feel I always will be second best to her." Well....your bf has made it perfectly clear that this is how things are going be; lacking boundaries and all. I wouldn't worry about feeling "second best" but devising a plan to get out of there as this is WAY too much for any RATIONAL person to digest mentally.
I feel this relationship will ALWAYS carry on between these two and I think you sticking around waiting for her to "leave" or things to "suddenly change" that you would be doing YOURSELF a disservice. Move on and find someone closer to the way you see/view situations. These two don't see anything wrong, therefore, there is NO problem except you complaining about them. That is their skewed perception. Plus, it seems as if you are 100% blaming this daughter. Dear, I think you are "pointing your finger" at the wrong person. You are acting as if she "goes away" all will be better and you and bf can live happily. I doubt that will be the case.
Remove yourself from the situation and waste no more time with this nonsense. It was dysfunctional before you got there and it will be dysfunctional after you leave UNLESS they want to change this. This is a job for a good therapist; not you. Find a situation to your liking, not one that you have to try to FIX to your liking.
All the best.
Your statement......"I feel I always will be second best to her." Well....your bf has made it perfectly clear that this is how things are going be; lacking boundaries and all. I wouldn't worry about feeling "second best" but devising a plan to get out of there as this is WAY too much for any RATIONAL person to digest mentally.
I feel this relationship will ALWAYS carry on between these two and I think you sticking around waiting for her to "leave" or things to "suddenly change" that you would be doing YOURSELF a disservice. Move on and find someone closer to the way you see/view situations. These two don't see anything wrong, therefore, there is NO problem except you complaining about them. That is their skewed perception. Plus, it seems as if you are 100% blaming this daughter. Dear, I think you are "pointing your finger" at the wrong person. You are acting as if she "goes away" all will be better and you and bf can live happily. I doubt that will be the case.
Remove yourself from the situation and waste no more time with this nonsense. It was dysfunctional before you got there and it will be dysfunctional after you leave UNLESS they want to change this. This is a job for a good therapist; not you. Find a situation to your liking, not one that you have to try to FIX to your liking.
All the best.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with Londres. I also think we are hearing the story through someone that is angry and fed up- which leads me to believe that we may not be getting a 'full' picture. could the info given be skewed?
But neither that is here nor there. This woman has told her boyfriend that she doesn't like this (feels second to his daughter----- which I suspect is the main issue) and he has said 'too bad'.
No hope for this relationship to resolve peacefully in my opinion when he basically isn't interested in her input to something that 'freaks, creeps' her out.
I would say this relationship has no chance of survival.
But neither that is here nor there. This woman has told her boyfriend that she doesn't like this (feels second to his daughter----- which I suspect is the main issue) and he has said 'too bad'.
No hope for this relationship to resolve peacefully in my opinion when he basically isn't interested in her input to something that 'freaks, creeps' her out.
I would say this relationship has no chance of survival.
Very good and valid points and opinions from Londres an and Specialmom. Very well put! I hope the best for the poster..
Respectfully,
Krystal
Respectfully,
Krystal
These actions are becoming more and more everyday. They have been for the last 6 months. That is why i said it freaked me out.. I could see if it had been going on the whole time. Now it is getting to the point when we are out in public she is wanting to hold his hand and wanting him to put his arm around her and hug her all the time. She is wanting to kiss him in public too. I wasnt raise like this so that is why im saying something. I would like to thank everyone for there input into this. Im really not freaked out about the kiss on lips, its more the rubbing and caressing him on the couch that kinda of freaks me out. There are times she does it when she in bra n underwear when she is cuddle with him.
I completely agree with deadmemory's post. And as far as being in bras and panties cuddling with her dad??? That sounds extremely inappropriate. I have always been close with my father but i would NEVER run aroung the house naked nor in a bra and panties. I'm only 22 and I understand why this bothers you. It doesn't seem normal to me but that is just MY opinion.
Dear, do yourself a favor for your sanity and well-being.....leave this. I feel very sick about this. This will turn out very bad for you if you stay.
I know you said there was nothing sexual going on to your knowledge.....I am not so sure.
May I ask where is the child's mother? When did her mother and father divorce or separate?
I know you said there was nothing sexual going on to your knowledge.....I am not so sure.
May I ask where is the child's mother? When did her mother and father divorce or separate?
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