I would like some guys opinions. Girls Welcome too

[FlutterFree]

I will try to make this short as short as possible. I met the guy nine months ago. Talk about feeling like a princess. He said he had never felt like this with anyone before and I felt the same. I really feel he meant it. I got flowers every 4 weeks, when he was out-of-town, he would call. He wanted to spend every night together and I was the one that even said are you sure. About 8 weeks ago he started to pull away. Not call like he used to when out of town, not as attentive. He would say he would do things and then he would not. I do admit that during this time, I now know that I did the wrong thing. I kept asking him what was wrong and trying to get to act like he used to. One Thursday, we had a disagreement, mainly over him being distant. He did not call me Friday until 10:00 p.m. and had been at a bar. He asked if I wanted to come over and I said no because I was tired and it was late. I was surprised that he even called and when I asked him why he called, he said, because “Maybe because I care”. He said that we would do something Saturday night and that he would call me by noon on Saturday to make plans. By 5:00 p.m. he had not called. I went over and acted like nothing was wrong. He said he did not say we would do anything on Saturday and did not say that he would call. I just could not take it anymore at this point. I told him that I still loved him and if things could be like they were, that I would be the happiest girl in the world, but I can’t go on like this. I left him a letter that basically said the same thing and I pointed out the things that I just could not take anymore. I do believe with all my heart that he really did truly love me. He even wanted to talk marriage early on, but I was not ready. Way too soon for me. It has been two weeks since I left, and I have not heard anything from him.

Questions for you guys:

1. Was he becoming more distant and not wanting to talk about it because he wanted to break up and did not have the guts and it was easier to make me mad enough to do it?

2. Do you think that it even bothers him that I left?

3. Do you think that he will think about what he lost and ever contact me again?

4. If I get asked out, would this make it better or worse if he would see me or find out?

Any other wisdom would really help.

Thanks in advance, Flutter

[bip]

I agree everything you say........

[anxiousmomtobe?]

You nailed it.

[koukla29]

I think you believe that somewhere deep inside, the person he was to you in the beginning is the man he truly is.  You think you did something to make him change.  You didn't.  The man you see now is the person he always has been, he just took off the mask.  

If you can remember this, and get pissed off enough, it might help you to move on.  I really think when you are ready to get back out there, take it slow.  I also think you should take some time "off" from dating and concentrate on making yourself happy.  This will give you some time to get over your hurt, and get you ready for a better situation.

PS. If he does contact you again, do you really want to answer that call?
What would it take for you to let him back in your life?

[barn babe]

1. Was he becoming more distant and not wanting to talk about it because he wanted to break up and did not have the guts and it was easier to make me mad enough to do it?

Sounds as good as any other reason for why he lacks the skills or motivation to communicate honestly with you.  

2. Do you think that it even bothers him that I left?

Probably not. He hasn't called you in 2 weeks. If he wants to talk to you, he would have called.

3. Do you think that he will think about what he lost and ever contact me again?

No.

4. If I get asked out, would this make it better or worse if he would see me or find out?

Forget about what he thinks or wants. What do YOU want? If you want to go out, you should go out. See other people. What he  wants or feels isn't in the equation any longer. This relationship is over.

I think you know this thing is over. I'm sorry it happened so fast.  I agree with the others - if they light up quickly, they generally fizzle out just as quickly.  

It's more than likely that this guy got swept up in the moment as well.  Riding that "high" in the beginning of a relationship changes people. There are actual chemical changes that take place in the brain during infatuation stage, and people's behaviors can definitely change during this time. Sounds like this guy settled back down to earth again rather quickly, too.  The quickness probably scared the hell out of him, so he backed out.

Take things slowly next time. Really slowly. If it's the "relationship of a lifetime," you've got a lifetime to work on it. The time you want to see flowers is after the relationship has established a pattern, not necessarily in the beginning. Stay in the moment enough during infatuation  stage to keep grounded in reality. Ask yourself if the man's characteristics,  personality, and behaviors really are a good fit for you all around. And keep asking yourself that. Evaluation is important during the dating phase, not just falling all over a guy because they fall all over you. It takes a long time to get to know somebody's quirks, idiosyncrasies, and personality characteristics.

Our judgment gets clouded during infatuation. As I said, chemical changes take place in our brains - it's been measured, and the neurochemicals that are released (dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine) are the same feel-good chemicals that are released during drug use, like with cocaine.  It's a physiological inevitability. That's why it's important to stay as grounded as possible in the moment and try not to get swept away by the behaviors and situations carrying you along in the new relationship.

[FlutterFree]

Thanks guys for taking the time to post your opinions.

[pertykitty2nd]

forgive my spelling, jeez i read it again and lately i cant type worth a darn. sorry!

[slow_healer]

I like pertykitty`s take on this. I`m always suspicious of guys that come on too strong too fast. When things are perfect, ask yourself if they`re too perfect. This guy was probably genuine when things started, but after a while he realized you weren`t the one, became distant, and waited for you to break things off so he wouldn`t look like a jerk (lol, and I`ve known guy friends to do this).

If that`s the case, then no it probably doesn`t bother him that you left because that was what he wanted. But don`t let that be a reflection on you. My hunch is that although he genuinely liked you at the start, he wasn`t really being genuine with himself. Ever know a guy who tried to pretend everything was perfect when deep down inside it wasn`t? The fact that he didn`t even try to talk to you or confront what was lacking demonstrates how immature he is.

Take what you can from the experience. Value how well you were treated and look for that valuable feeling when the next relationship opportunity presents itself. It sounds like your a very smart girl and it won`t take you long to figure out when someone is *really* going to be worth your time. Good luck!

[pertykitty2nd]

well not a male point of view but from my own experiences when things move too fast, the disolve equally as fast.  who knows maybe he met someone on his travels out of town.  i think at this point id just try to move on.  we all have relationships in our lives that at the moment seem so perfect, they are the one.  but then after a short time we realize it isnt what we thought.  its best to move on and see what comes along next.