hubby rant lol

[frogs_n_butterfly]

So my husband and i have always had a very rough relationship moreso due to the circumstances or hands we've been dealt than us as a whole. Well lately to me things have gotten better i have a good job and a few side jobs lined up and hubby got his court case dropped and i won mine so alot of pressure has been released right? He still continues to use excuses to drink and stay gone and act like a jerk and a fool, so ive decided to name our daughter on my own instead of have his input since he continues to drink and act stupid. Am i wrong to do this? (This is our 4th and final child and first girl)

[frogs_n_butterfly]

I will thanks again so much :)

[specialmom]

I'm happy to help and I will cross fingers and toes that all works out.  Alcoholism is a disease and hard to overcome but when there is a will, there is a way.

Once you mention anger and your 7 year old, I agree.  This has gone on too long and the effects of his alcoholism are showing in your child.  That is when you must act.  Push for him to get into treatment and go to your mother in laws to live.  

it's time to act  Keep in touch and let me know how it goes sweetie.  peace

[frogs_n_butterfly]

I have spoken with his mom about getting him treatment and he has said he will go if i get him insurance and she has begged me to move in with her if i decide to leave him and it has crossed my mind alot lately as i see alot of his anger in our oldest son who is only 7. There are days when i feel like leaving him would sober him up and days i feel like it would destroy him and it stops me, his mom says there will be a day when i will have enough and go and wait for him to sober up my fear is it'll be too late and not just for me but our kids. He just dodged this big court thing that he was facing 8 years (not because of his drinking but because he was drinking and let the situation get way out of hand.. I know that contradicts intself but its a Long story) and i thought that would be a wake up call itself cuz he was looking at not meeting his daughter. I appreciate your input so much you have no idea how much this means to me!

[specialmom]

I'm familiar with loving an alcoholic.  In all honesty, you do him no favors with using your vows to stay with him rather than a firm boundary.  Right now, you provide no reason for him to get sober.  Your telling him he cant live with you if he continues to drink would mean a lot more than just asking him to not drink.  YOU have to take action because he is showing he isn't going to.

You have four kids living in a home where the male role model is a heavy out of control drinker.  This resonates with them sweetie.  /And these patterns repeat either in their becoming drinkers themselves or attaching themselves to addicts when they are adults.  This becomes a cycle.  

I know it is hard and I cant imagine how it feels with four kids to have a husband out of control.  Terrifying.  I'm sure you are stressed and worried a lot.  

I'm very traditional about marriage vows but I think when someone is an alcoholic, that is a deal breaker.  I am not necessarily telling you to end the relationship but to make the consequences of his drinking larger.  His daughters name isn't going to do it.  

I would research what your insurance will pay for in terms of treatment for him, present him with the information and tell him he goes and takes it seriously or you and the kids can not live with him.  Then hopefully he will sober up.  

That's my opinion any way.  

With the additional information regarding your daughter, don't ask him anymore.  He's not all that interested in the pregnancy, I can tell by his response to your trying to get him interested in picking a name.  Tell him you've narrowed it down to these three names and let him have an opinion about those specifically.  

I do wish you much much luck and peace.  This is some of the hardest things to deal with.  But right now, he's not putting you or the kids first---  he's deep in the well where he isn't thinking straight.  Don't sit in the well with him.  Climb out and he either follows or stays put but either way, you're on higher ground.  good luck dear

[frogs_n_butterfly]

Wow i have to admit i didnt expect such in depth responses and they really hit home. Thank you ladies really i mean it. I dont mean to bring our child into it it's just whenever i ask for his opinion he says name her apple or something silly. And yes hes an alcoholic and i have gone to groups before that are for families of addicts i just have reached a point of numbness.. I want to remain married because i said for better or worse and want to try to help him although im well aware he must do it or better must WANT to do it. Like i said though ive just reached my point of grief and not sure how to handle it. Thanks again ladies

[Chima7]

Sounds like he is an alcoholic. You should be going to Al-anon meetings to learn coping strategies for how to be married to an alcoholic. It's a very difficult and thankless position to be in. But if you're committed to starting married, it's what you'll have to do to survive.

[specialmom]

Well, sorry this is going on.  I am glad to hear some things are on the upswing in your life.  But if he is a drinker and stays out without being considerate, I don't know what to tell you.  I'm not sure just choosing a name for your child will be worth it.  It's kind of a passive aggressive move rather than just dealing with the issue.  I wouldn't use something like your child's name to make a point but rather make a real point with the situation by setting a firm boundary.  This would mean telling him that if he is going to act single, then he's single.  And . . .  out of the house.  But you have to decide how strongly you feel about this and what exactly you are willing to do about it.  But using something like naming a baby isn't really appropriate as that just brings the kids into your troubles in your marriage.  Not fair to your baby.  

Work on the problems and don't create new ones trying to get back at him for hurting you.

good luck dear