Boyfriend of 2 years won't talk about the future

[texasgirl26]

I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 27. We've been together for two years, a year and three months in the same place and eight months long distance. We have about a year and four months of distance left until we have the possibility of being in the same place together. I have never been so happy as when we were dating in the same city. The long distance has been driving me crazy because by him not ever talking about a future together, I feel rejected. One time I tried to bring up the future (just if we would be together after the 2 yrs distance), but he got angry and said he wasn't ready for the marriage talk. We talk daily and he is very sweet, but I have this frustration in the back of my heart.

Early on in the relationship he told me that he doesn't believe in marriage. He knows that I want marriage eventually. I've never pushed or even suggested marriage, but I'd just like to hear him voluntarily say that he wants me in his future. While I've been waiting there have been several guys who expressed interest in me and have even joked about the future, but I've brushed them off, waiting for my boyfriend. I know there have been posts similar to mine, but mine is different because we are in separate places and will be for more than a year more. This makes it harder to make any kind of commitment decision. But if he doesn't know by now, what will another year and a half of distance do? I think he's waiting until he is established. I love him so much, but I don't want to be left on hold indefinitely. I am very aquiescing, so maybe I make him so comfortable in the relationship that he doesn't feel like he needs to do anything to keep me around. Ideas?

[scalub6809]

texasgirl26, I am in the same situation.  I have been dating my boyfriend for two  years and live in different cities (1.5 hour driving distance one way).  It was my initial preference to date someone locally, but after meeting my boyfriend, we seemed to be such a great match, I decided to give it a chance, hopeful something would transpire, and we would eventually join forces.  Two years later, there is still no talk of a future.  He says he loves me, but I really don't think he does.

I have often thought perhaps I should be patient (I am 43, and he's 48), but I fear another two or three years would pass, and I would have wasted a ton of gas, racked mileage on my car, grown much older and missed my opportunity of finding a truly committed, life-long partner, someone I could come home to everyday.  I have brought this up to him for the last time.  His reply:  "I can't move--I have two daughters to put through college."  I, as well, have two children to put through college, so what is the difference?  I have decided his answer was what I needed to hear, and I'm moving on.  When someone loves you, they will do anything to be with you and keep you in his/her life, just as I would.

[teko]

Seriously, he said he did not believe in marriage and you want some form of a committment that you will still have a relationship. It sounds like you two are on different planets. That as well as a long distant relationship compounding things, you now are having second thoughts.
As well you should. You should be able to spend time with and enjoy having a real relationship. One where you can spend time as a couple.

I would seriously rethink your long term relationship that is going no where fast and live in the here and now. I think you would be much happier and have real dreams of a future with someone else. IMO