Boyfriend spends more time with his best friend than me

[Camper26]

My boyfriend and I have been through a lot. He has been physically and emotionally abusive to me in the past he even went to jail for a few weekends. I was able to stay away from him for eight months but then I called him and we got back together. It seemed like God wanted to give us another chance to share a good life. We were so happy-I was even able to feel some joy again. When I was away from him I thought about him too often and was unable to truly move on. My bond with my boyfriend seems to be both a blessing and curse. I am thankful that at least the hitting has stopped.

My bf is not a very conventional man. He has lived with a fourty yr old guy who is bi-sexual and now his best friend lives with that same guy. My bf was good for a while; he did not drink or do drugs. But now he is smoking pot and drinking. He starts fights so that he can leave and spend time with his best friend of 25 years. On average, they spend 3 or 4 nights a week together supposedly living it up and playing guitars. I am worried that my bf of 3 years might be in the closet. His best friend has never dated a woman in his life and he is 30. I feel uncomfortable that he continues to have such a bond with a man whose sexuality is unknown.The reason I dislike their bond so much is that they influence each other to continue using drugs. I realize that he might continue to use regardless, but I find his best friend to be a bad influence.

Sometimes I think my boyfriend is a weak man: he has no job, a fairly unmarketable degree in creativity, he denies the issues in his family, and he has a lot of anger problems; to boot he owes over $150,000 in student loans. I have nothing against homosexuals, I just don't want a boyfriend who hangs out with them all the time. I feel pretty crappy about all this, but his relationship with men whose sexuality remains unclear makes me feel a little uneasy. Am I just being a jerk? Should I be more accepting?  

[Caromar]

my last relationship was very similar to yours, I had a verbally abusive relationship for 3 yrs with a drug addict, though he did quit 8 months into the relationship. By experience I can tell you that if he does quit, you two would be forced to cut ties with anyone that has a drug history or that is related to that past in some way. Also, he can't consume alcohol even if what he is trying to quit are the drugs. My ex and I actually moved to another little town, far away from his dealer and all his friends and family. It did work, but I had to be very careful with whom he became friends with, therefore we didn't had a lot of friends, most of the time we were always together except when we went to work. Eventually he got addicted to videogames...yes, an addict will be just that, will find one addiction to the next, he would rather play video games than be with me, he would play for days in a row, sometimes even missing work because he hadn't slept and was too tired to go. Yeah, addict can change, but they must want to change for themselves, not for another person, if they change for another person the change is not real, is just temporary. I actually broke up with him and inmediatelly he started drinking again. It is just a constant fight to keep things under control, and I don't think its healthy for anyone in a relationship to have to control both lifes. But it seems to me that you are more worried of him cheating on you with another man, than him doing pot and drinking excesively. Think about it: would it make a difference if his friends were straight, and he was still doing pot and drinking with them? are you worried about his sexuallity or his addiction? If he does end up being bi then there is nothing you can do, do you want to spend the rest of your life worried about who he hangs out with, male and females, same worries...

[younggrandmother]

It sounds to me that you have a lot to consider. Let's get this straight, he is physically and emotionally abusive, he has anger problems, he spent time in jail.He is drinking and doing drugs, He is influenced easy, He has no job,and he owes lot's and lot's of money,and he might be a bi/sexual.You need to run and run fast, don't wast an other second on him, unless you wont to sped the rest of you life miserable, Yes people can change but he would have to change ever thing about himself that could take a life time are you willing to wait, It could turn out to be a wast of time, and if he is a bi/sexual in the closet that will never change, he is who he is take it or leave it, Good Luck and please be careful .........Young/Gma