Complicated relationship with GF who had Fibromialgia

[TP0827]

I've been in a complicated relationship with my GF for the last 1.5 years. Complicated in terms of she suffers from fibromyalgia and I fear other non-disclosed disorders. I've know her for 20+ years and at the beginning of our relationship, I lived out of state. I moved in state back in June 2016 and we share a town home together with her 4 year old daughter. I adore her daughter and treat her lovingly as my own. I adore my GF with all I am and am very sympathetic to her disorder. I put both of them first and try my best to love and care for them. I've met her parents and I believe they adore me as well. An early flag was thrown by her father asking if I knew what I was getting into at the beginning of out relationship. I realize what I was getting into with this relationship and would do almost anything to grow and maintain it for years to come. However as of the last two months, I have come to terms with the fact I can't make or wish her affliction away. I'm not in anyway selfish or greedy except for wanting a mutual relationship that is loving and leads towards future together. However, I'm as a loss as to what to do right now.

When my GF gets stressed in any way by almost anything and/or anyone she directs her frustration, not pleasant communication and at times she displays borderline rage towards me. I try to reason with her, respond and ask question to help in any way, but she Responds by telling me to leave her alone, isolates me for hours and at times days. She will isolate me and eliminate me from any contact with her or her daughter. As of lately, I feel loneliness, question myself and feel like I did something wrong when I know I didn't. The latest episode was a few days ago with me. Preparing laundry. I was about to ask if she wanted me to do some of theirs, but she snapped and screamed at me accusing me of not asking her if she had any laundry. I tried to explain that I was about to ask but that fell on deaf ears and she just got more upset.

She says she doesn't like confrontation, but I believe she uses it as a crutch to escalate an argument that I can't even defend myself in. If I do, there's isolation, yelling, cussing, items thrown and doors slammed.

I don't understand how is it that she responds to me in this way and not towards any other individual? She even has gone so far as to threaten to call the police on me for attempting to talk calmly to her before.

I could go on and on about incidences that have happened in the last few months, but end results are the same as isolation, yelling, cussing, items thrown and doors slammed.

I love her very much, but for my well being and happiness, I believe I need to move out and end this relationship sooner rather than later.

I'm a strong individual, but feel helpless trying to help her in anyway to deal with her affliction.

I'm at a loss of what to do. I want to remain but not sure I can.

[specialmom]

Gosh, sounds hard.  You sound like a nice person who has really tried.  She sounds complex and difficult.  Unfortunately, she does not seem willing to take ownership or evolve in any way.  Freezing you out (isolating you from herself and her daughter) is a power play.  It says 'you don't matter.  We can do without you'.  People who give the silent treatment use that as a tool to manipulate, hurt, etc.  The outbursts are equally destructive.  That you are her punching bag is not okay.  I'm sorry she has a chronic pain situation but that doesn't give her the right to take all of her frustrations out on you.  You've been patient.  Now, I'd say that talking to her when she is in her bad moods will not work . . .  talking about how you feel using "I" statements is best when things are actually going well.  However, she sounds like that could set her off and go from a good mood to a bad one quickly.  In all honesty, I'm not sure you will ever have a peaceful relationship with her based on what you've written.

So, in answer to your question---  I DO think it is better to leave now rather than later.  It will only get harder.  And this WILL get worse as she does not want to take any responsibility for how she treats you.  That's just not okay.

Cut your losses and find a partner that is ready for a healthy relationship no matter what her health is.  good luck

[TP0827]

Correction. Has not had