So I've been with my bf for 5 years now and things where great in the beginning he was sweet and romantic always caring. I'm not sure if its the fact that we have been together so long or the fact we are parents now but I don't feel as close to him as I used to. He's not romantic at all and now he don't even tell me how much I mean to him or how beautiful I am. He did it all the time. We hardly ever cuddle or really spend time together except watching tv but we don't even talk that much during that time it was awkward at first but now it just normal.and when we play around I always get hurt I'm not sure if its an accident or the fact that he wants me to know that he's stronger than me I always get upset about it an He always seems to put himself before me and our daughter.And as for sex it feels more like a job sometimes I love him so much but I'm not sure if I'm unhappy and don't want to admit it to him or the fact that I'm just over reacting and I'm to needy. Can someone please help figure this out!
We are young I'm 21 he's 22 and our daughter will be 2 in march. We both had to grow up fast but why is he doing this I didn't make her myself don't get me wrong I love her to death but when will he grow up should I wait or when will enough be enough
Well....you need to sit down and seriously talk with your bf about your concerns BEFORE making any major decision about whether to leave or stay.
That's evident you didn't make her by yourself, but that neither here nor there. The fact is that there is something going on with him and it doesn't sound good. Sounds like he is trying to detact himself slowly from the situation.
Did he say he wanted a child in the first place?
Does he do anything with the child or for the child?
She was a huge surprise but we knew that we wanted to keep her there where no other options for us. As for him doing anything with her it's very rare he has maybe changed her diaper 20 times since she's been born never got up with her at night never bathed her he plays with her every now and then he's not a bad dad he don't ignore her or anything but he could be a way better dad I do everything with hardly any help. I have NO family so I don't have anyone I can lean on or have to talk to it gets very overwhelming at times and as for talking to him I have a few times and a few arguments because he should help me more or spend time with me and his daughter it never really sinks into his stubborn head though.
Hi there. In all honesty, I think some of this is pretty normal. You have been together for a while and now that there is a child to care for, that seems to take over. And as we, the mothers, give so much of ourselves to the child---- we start to look more like a mother to our partner than the hot woman they used to know, if that makes sense.
My suggestion is to go ahead and plan some things to reconnect. Ask your mom or sister or whomever to watch your child and plan a date just the two of you. Get dolled up for him and plan something that you think he'll think is awesome. If you could get a night alone just the two of you like in a hotel, that would be super too!! But if not, come home after your child is in bed and pretend you are at a hotel. :>)
I think life can get in the way a little bit from showing our partners that we appreciate them. And we have to make time to take it to where it was in which it was just the two of you and that is all that matters.
sometimes it is annoying that we have to make a bit of effort to get this going but it can remind him of how it was and take him back there a bit. And also, I believe in just being direct. If you like compliments--- just tell him how you miss the things he used to say to you and he could make your day if he threw in a "you're beautiful" here and there.
In reading your last post, I am wondering if you could help him along with this being a better dad notion. He's young and while you stepped up and figured it all out, maybe you did it so well he didn't think he needed to. My husband balked at some of the mundane tasks of caring for our babies but I forced the issue a bit. I said "honey, I have to go do X, could you change his diaper?" And then I left the room. And "dear, I have to get dinner started, can you be in charge of baby for me?" Or "hey, i have to run some errands. I'll be gone a couple of hours. The diapers are in the bin, bottle in the frig, call my cell if you have a question. Love ya, see you later" and out the door I went.
And the more I did those things, the more my husband stepped up and bonded with the kids. ???? Would that help?
What your going through is normal. When couples spend time together habit lifestyles set in especially with men. Its now up to you to bring the romance back. I would suggest using the same tools when you first met him. Your feminine side is irrresistable. He fell for it once and will fall for it again.
I noticed he is your boyfriend, maybe set this up knotch and bring the marriage into the picture.
As you grow with him it will be your job to keep this relationship on track. Men are not bad, they just get comfortable with what they have.
And i can tell you, that in the long run, Husband and Wife often end up being best friends. Someone to grow old with and live a full life with eachother at their sides.
For londres70 yes he does work 40 hours a week to provide for us which I am greatful for and I tell him all the time how much I appreciate it because I am able to stay at home with our daughter ( I do babysit a lot to so I do also contribute) and I know a lot of dads that aren't in there kids lives so to me I'm glad he's here makes him a good dad to me for being here for her but I say he's a bad dad for only seeming to care about himself and doing what he wants all the time and never helping with her I may want the be a stay at home mom but I'm not super woman I need so help sometimes some me time! For specialmom thanks makes me feel not so alone in this whole mess ill have to try some of the things you did.
Well.....then I would say that his main focus is providing for you and his child at this point, so that would explain the decrease with the romance, etc. This may just be a temporary situation and will pass......only time will tell. He has ALOT on his shoulders being that he is so young. If he is sticking around providing for you and his child that speaks volumes dear.
Try some of the tips SM has offered. Maybe you can also connect with other young mothers via a group, etc.? Try befriending other young mothers.
Babies change the dynamics of a relationship and sometimes the lovely dovey stuff gets pushed to the backburner.
Thanks. I guess you don't really realize how much a baby will change everything at a young age yeah there's the thought of providing for it and loving it and knowing that their needs come way before yours and that its a huge responsibility but you never think that it will change you entire relationship. I guess I need to stop being so selfish and just be grateful for what I have and what he does.
Hon.....he is sticking by you and providing for you, however, I don't see why he can't change a diaper occasionally or give the child a bath occasionally. Perhaps you all can come up with a system in those regards.
I think alot of people underestimate how a baby will change things especially young folks.
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