Cooperating with the noncooperative Ex??? Yea/nea

[Ktz42]

Dilemma; Should I  allow for flexibility & cooperation on my behalf to a request my ex made for an extension of the court ordered visitation, or stay firm until our new court date new month?? He refuses to cooperate with any of my requests or emails I make, only contacts me when he wants something, then demands an answer asap. Should I say yes...or no to the extension ..Ive only become firm in the past two mths as the issues of emotional & verbal abuse mounted towards me . I advised him we need to go back to the court ordered time until our new court date..when I attempt to communicate thru email, he threatened to call the police for harassement. Since this is the second time he has asked for the time to be in his favor for drop off times.  I feel no recourse but to stick with court ordered visitation time, but then he will blames me and tell my children they cant do special things/outtings because i wont let him keep them longer..im so frustrated!!!I This time its a "special" Easter dinner with his g/fs family that the children enjoy visiting..i know he is just using them too ensure he gets to do what he wants, but he will tell them different.

[Ktz42]

Thanks so much..that means alot to me..doing the right thing is so hard when you both parties should do the right thing and they dont. My kids are now 9 & 13, however this ongoing battle, disrespect and slandering of me has been going on for years..they come home after each visit with stories that make me wish he were never in their life..right now Im fighting for the right of my children not to be exposed to his convicted *********  brother that he recently moved in his house..I am grateful that he usually takes the children to his gfs house for visitation that he currently resides at, however he does expose them to this man at least every other visit..this man has raped young boys (including his own nephew for 7yrs and is currently on probation) he especially likes boys the age of my children. When I called CPS to see if they could assist me with him not being around my children, they said they couldn't as long as he is not in a caregiving role...can you believe that!! Then someone sent in a tip saying I was a drugh addict & I was investigated..of coarse they knew it was in retalation to my call about the brother..however they still had a duty to interview my children and involve them in a fale allegation against me..
My kids were informed about the charges against their uncle , and rightfully are scared and uncomfortable around him..yet their dad doesnt see it as a problem..so this is part of the reason why I have to involve the court...along with his refusal to pay for daycare, piano lessons or disclose his income ( which has been ongoing for 4yrs) ...Im at my wits end..so I have to court order him to do things..so yes..Its very hard..my children are amazing...and to hear how he belittles me in front of them every visit breaks their heart..not mine..I told my oldest one day he should just say : please stop" ..but they are both afraid of him :(..
Also childrens services cannot do anything unless the children disclose abuse..they have not..so Im stuck with doing the right thing..and it *****!

[specialmom]

Hey, I do want you to know that I as in ME as in I have the utmost respect for you.  What a difficult situation you are in and that you toss being in the right (which you ARE) aside for the peace of your children makes you the kind of mom every kid should have.

As they get older (not sure of their ages)---------  I think you can tell them that your number one goal was that they'd have a relationship with their dad even if it meant that their dad was awful to you.  That you love them just that much to put up with it.  

In the end, they'll know.  

But I am so terribly sorry he acts as he does-----------  wish I could make that better.  Peace.

[Ktz42]

Ive decided to be the better of the two. Ive sent an email saying the extension was fine..although it killed me..Ill thank God for that message I heard in my head  just a cpl hours ago..." Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"..and then I knew what I had to do..Thank you Lord for the message :)

[Ktz42]

Thanks I am doing all that I can,however right now we are in a bitter dispute..he is using my kids to get me to agree to things he wants to do so his weekends are not interrupted by having to bring them home before he is ready..the kids are happy to be with him,however he outs them in the middle to get his way. Only recently I had to make a stand with the court ordered time,I have been flexible for years..however he respects nothing.. Kids aside, I dont see how its a benefit to allow him to feel rules dont apply to him as long as he can use my kids to get his way...
I deleted him off my sons facebook last week after he & his g/f were slandering me online. My son seen the comments, so I told them to cut it out,and its no place for them to be slandering me,where my son & his friends could witness..and then delted him & his g/f,I  didnt know what else to do..I told my son he could add his dad back another time.. . After his father set him on on facebook against my wishes when he was 11,. I told him when he was 13 I would reactivate his acct...which I did..however my ex has stopped to a new low with that..He regularly disrespects me, flips me the finger & calls me names in front of my kids. As much as I want to cooperate..I have to wonder why I have to be the one bending over. and being the better person..so tired of it..
The kids wont know about the special dinner..until he picks them up & then tells them how they cant go because of me..its always something..I feel at some point I must make a stand and stop allowing him to feel he can do whatever he likes . I know the kids see him for who he is..and still I say I hope you & your dad have a great time..its so frustrating..I feel stuck..he refuses to respect anything..

[specialmom]

I agree 100% with rockrose.  Whatever-------- and I mean whatever it takes for your kids to keep a good relationship with dad-------- you should do it.  He sounds like a jerk to you and you are a good mom for putting that aside for your kids.  Be flexible for them and know that when they are of age------------  you'll rarely have to deal with the guy again.  

Hang in there!  Peace

[Ktz42]

Thank you :)

[RockRose]

If your children want to do the things with him that require flexibility in visitation,  I think you should be flexible.  

If they want to go to the girlfriend's Easter dinner,  I think you should let them.

If you just try to take your feelings for him out of the equation,  and think only of what's in the kid's best interest and what will make life better for your kids, and allow them to do things they enjoy,  it might be an easier way to view all this.

Best wishes.

[Ktz42]

Im gonna repost this on divorce..sorry Im new here