DAted for 7 years and split up now we meet and have a NICU son! he hasn't been to see him and I don't know what to do.

[poohbear2010]

ME and him were together for 7 years and split up. I leave state 4 about 3 years. when i come back i meet him after being home 4 about 2 years. i have always been in love with him. now we have a 3 month old son and he hasn't seen him once. he claims he's always at work but i just don't know what to do. I mean I am still in love with him but  i am so lost. i have been in the hospital alone with my son 4 4 and a half months. What should i do? i personally don't know if my son needs to be around him once we go home. he has a 3 year old daughter and he's with her mom again now. it seems my life is crumbling. i mean he still tells me he loves me and he acts life he's still sexually wants me but i am scared. PLEASE someone give me some advice. When we were sleeping together he said he wasn't with her. now all of a sudden he is with her again. i am lost! PLEASE HELP.

[Judy246]

I think he wasn't ready for fatherhood (too bad!) and by running away to the army, it's not going to make his problems and responsibilities go away. I think you are handing yourself beautifully and with such great courage. You are right, right now the most important person in your life is that beautiful, innocent baby and I promise you that one day all of this will catch up with your b/f and he will pay and regret for all the tears he has caused you and his lack of responsibility towards the baby. Hang in there and I think you are doing and will do just fine....one day at a time. Judy

[poohbear2010]

Well To all who wish to know these past couple of days i have been reading these comments and i know there are people out there who care. i am suppose to finally take my son home tommorrow and i want ya'll to know he's doing a lot better.

As for his father i told him i cant see him and he won't see my child. he called to tell me he's going in the army. i told him good luck but as for me and my son we will do fine. I think he thinks if he goes off he won't have to help with my son. So far he has done absolutely NOTHING.

But i have my son. I love him and he so much more important. Thanks everyone and keep giving me advice.

[Judy246]

First I want to congratulate you on the birth of your precious baby boy. I believe baby's are a gift and how your b/f is behaving is hurtful, insensive and just unexceptable. Right now, your focus should be on the baby and make sure surround yourself with your family and good friends for support during this difficult time. You should not be doing everything on your own and unfortunately, do not depend on your b/f for support, because he is being a jerk right now.

He is bringing you down and causing a negative environment for you who just had a baby and your innocent baby. Please have your parents and family step in to help you through this difficult time. That is what family is there for, support and help when there is no one else.

As for your b/f...he is secondary and legally has to provide financial support for the baby.  If he is cheating on you, LET HIM GO. He is not worthy of your love and poor example of a father to your child, so make sure the baby is in a safe, caring, loving nurturing...quite environment and then, start dealing with the b/f.  Never permit anyone to treat you less than you deserve to be treated, especally now when you need him the most. Please let us know how you are coming along....Judy

[peggy64]

yes, all your focus should be on your baby. Not this guy who by his actions is demonstrating he cares for neither of you. I say move on.

[mami1323]

He's trying to have his cake and eat it to.  Basically using both of you women.  I know you love him but he doesn't love you enough to be faithful to you and your son.  You are better than that, you are better than being the "other" woman.  Don't sleep with him at all, don't give him that satisfaction.  As far as the son you share, well, I would just leave it alone.  If he cared he would be there for you and him.  If when you go home he wishes to be a father than allow him that opportunity but if he doesn't then you can't force him to.  Just make sure if he does come to see his son that he's only there for his son, don't let him manipulate you by telling you that he loves you and misses you and all the other junk that will spew from his mouth.  They are all lies because if he wanted to be with you, he would.  As simple as that.  Try to move on with your life and focus on your child.  Good luck and I'm truly sorry about your son being in the NICU.  I'm guessing he was premature.  He sounds like a strong baby and needs all your attention and positive energy.  This man is not worth it.