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Depressed and overwhelmed
My boyfriend and I have a baby together who is 7 months old. He works and goes to school while I stay home with the baby, cook, clean and go to school(online).I don't mind doing any of this but sometimes I need a break. I have yet to have one. Yes, I know I am now a mother and I have to take care of our son, but I feel like I should have a break every once in awhile. When I tell my boyfriend this, he thinks I don't need one. I have asked him several times for a date night with him and I or just me going out with sisters or even some friends for the day to get our nails done or whatever. He also refuses to leave our son with any family members to babysit him. He thinks I need to be with the baby 24/7. This is not his first kid, but it is mine. I don't know how else to get through to him about this situation. I sometimes cry about it. I don't know how to solve this issue. Has any one else had this issue? Or have any advice on how or what I can do or go about it?
Also, the doctor can also tell your husband that you are depressed, and they are prescribing you to have some time to yourself, and a date night, as a better alternative than prescribing you drugs for depression.
Maybe you could go to the library or a book store, or someone here might have a suggestion for a good book on the subject of how healthy parenting includes time away from the baby, as well as good marriages need to have spouses taking time for themselves to develop their relationship. I definitely suggest you find a doctor's opinion on line or a book written by a doctor that supports your point of view on these matters. as well as your own doctor's input.
Maybe you could go to the library or a book store, or someone here might have a suggestion for a good book on the subject of how healthy parenting includes time away from the baby, as well as good marriages need to have spouses taking time for themselves to develop their relationship. I definitely suggest you find a doctor's opinion on line or a book written by a doctor that supports your point of view on these matters. as well as your own doctor's input.
Have you doctor tell him that if get depressed, it's a case of managing having to take prescription meds, (for depression) in which case you wouldn't be able to breast feed (if you do). The alternative is to have a day or two that you get out for a few hours. and also have some time with your husband alone. He might be able to see the value of handling your depression without drugs.
You definitely need to get out and recharge your batteries as a mom. |It's a big responsibility and too much of a strain 24/7 365 days a year for the first few years til school age. If your husband refuses to have a babysitter, then i guess that means that he can look after the baby for a few hours, It would be good for him to bond with the baby, on his own. Maybe it would help him understand or be part of the solution if you wanted to go to the local pool once a week? Maybe you can talk to your doctor about being burnt out and needing some time away from the baby to do your own thing, and also that you want a date night with your husband. It could be that if your doctor suggests that you are able to take some time off for yourself and also suggests that it would be good for your marriage to have a date night, he might listen to a doctor making the suggestion. A doctor would easily see that your having some time, off and having a date night, would both be good for the baby in the long run.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ahh, honey, I feel your pain! Motherhood is a nonstop job and no one should have a nonstop job. While we love it, it's tiring and constantly putting that little one before ourselves. We need a break to recharge the batteries and just be us! When I had my first son, I was so thrilled. Oh my gosh, it took so long to have him and he truly was and still is the joy of my life. (as is his little brother). But I felt like I was always on call and doing something related to childcare or housework. It was rough because everyone needs a little time for themselves.
My sister, in her wisdoms, told me straight up that I was not a single parent. I respected and still respect how hard my husband works for us but when he's done with his job, he can relax. My job was never done! So, as the father of the kids, HE had to pitch in. I started with a once a week outing for myself on the weekends. Now, it was often just running some errands or grocery shopping on my own, ha ha, but I was OUT and ALONE. Loved it. I had to basically say "hon, I have X to do on Saturday and YOU are staying with the baby." And when Saturday came, I'd hand him the baby and say "I'll see you in 3 hours. Enjoy!" and I'd rush out. I forced the issue.
Now, we didn't have a lot of help with babysitters but if you have family that is willing to help. Take it. And if he gets upset, he gets upset. He really shouldn't be the only one making decisions. Just because he is the bread winner--- that doesn't mean he's the only one deciding what happens in your lives. Assert yourself and be firm.
Day care costs a lot of money---- so the monetary value you give the family by caring for your child should not be discounted. They've done calculations of how much you'd have to pay someone to do all you do for your family and most likely, it's more than your husband makes. No joke. So, be proud and understand you do a ton and it's time he recognizes it. And if he is staying with the baby on the weekend for a few hours, he'll begin to see it's not easy.
I had something called 'mother's helpers' when my kiddos were little. These are kids in the neighborhood or around that you know that are around 11 to 12 that come to your house while you are home and watch baby while you do something else. I would go take a shower upstairs, read a book, do some sit ups, etc. as it was me time while baby was in the house being played with by the mother's helper. This is especially good once baby is around 1 to 3 years old. You pay them like 2 dollars an hour max so much less than a baby sitter and they usually love it and you know baby is safe because you are there too but just free to do what you want for an hour or two.
Anyway, hang in there. Don't let his fester and build up resentment. Work on it now so that you and your partner can stay together long term and on the same page. good luck
My sister, in her wisdoms, told me straight up that I was not a single parent. I respected and still respect how hard my husband works for us but when he's done with his job, he can relax. My job was never done! So, as the father of the kids, HE had to pitch in. I started with a once a week outing for myself on the weekends. Now, it was often just running some errands or grocery shopping on my own, ha ha, but I was OUT and ALONE. Loved it. I had to basically say "hon, I have X to do on Saturday and YOU are staying with the baby." And when Saturday came, I'd hand him the baby and say "I'll see you in 3 hours. Enjoy!" and I'd rush out. I forced the issue.
Now, we didn't have a lot of help with babysitters but if you have family that is willing to help. Take it. And if he gets upset, he gets upset. He really shouldn't be the only one making decisions. Just because he is the bread winner--- that doesn't mean he's the only one deciding what happens in your lives. Assert yourself and be firm.
Day care costs a lot of money---- so the monetary value you give the family by caring for your child should not be discounted. They've done calculations of how much you'd have to pay someone to do all you do for your family and most likely, it's more than your husband makes. No joke. So, be proud and understand you do a ton and it's time he recognizes it. And if he is staying with the baby on the weekend for a few hours, he'll begin to see it's not easy.
I had something called 'mother's helpers' when my kiddos were little. These are kids in the neighborhood or around that you know that are around 11 to 12 that come to your house while you are home and watch baby while you do something else. I would go take a shower upstairs, read a book, do some sit ups, etc. as it was me time while baby was in the house being played with by the mother's helper. This is especially good once baby is around 1 to 3 years old. You pay them like 2 dollars an hour max so much less than a baby sitter and they usually love it and you know baby is safe because you are there too but just free to do what you want for an hour or two.
Anyway, hang in there. Don't let his fester and build up resentment. Work on it now so that you and your partner can stay together long term and on the same page. good luck
I definitely know my family is capable and very well suitable to take care of my son. I not he would have an issue with it. I just don't see why he can't seem to be away from him for even a night. It has caused arguments and at this point I give up arguing about it so I don't even ask to have anyone watch him for us or even bother asking him to watch my son so I can go out. I would never hear the end of it.
You definitely need a break once in a while and unless your mom or other family is completely unfit to care for a baby, I don't see an issue with them watching him for a couple hours. I will be honest and say that really only my mom or MIL has babysat for us, but I know he is in great hands with them.
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