Depressed girlfriend

[Barberstylz]

Ok, me and my gf have been living togeather about six months now... We were friends for over a year before we decided to be roommates as friends.. I told her before we got the house as friends I was intrested, and she was as well.. So after a month or so we got togeatger. Everything is great, we had good times. never faught or argued up untill yesterday tho. She seems depressed and out of it most of the time now. As am I because of lack of what we once enjoyed a great relationship. Thru all of that, she was  having extreme un scheded menstral problems due to switching birth controll. So u know that's a big stress factor for her l, and an even bigger one for me. Now that that has came back to normal almost, now she says the depression is set in very bad.  She says it stems from the following.. 1) she has 2 great lil boys, but the older one lives across the contry with is dad for the past couple of years and she misses him. I understand where she is coming from, I'm no mother but I know how strong a mothers love is. 2) she's recenty lost a good job and a ok job in he past few months so our finances are very tight right now. So basically, even tho she says she still loves me and feels the same about me, to me it dose not look that way..  she just dosent seem into me at all, sex is scarce and usually not an option. I just choos to avoid it just so I don't get told no anymore. Converbsation is lackluster and short, she'd rather sleep with her younger son vs with me because she feels better around her kids when she's sad cause they are the only ones that truly love her. This has lead to me being shut down and feeling cast out, pushed aside.. due to everything compiling, it caused me to snoop into her phone a couple times. Basically we need help, thank you for your time.

[specialmom]

I am not a type.  I was responding to a post that in its heading alone talked about a depressed girlfriend.  You describe her that way and that requires some different parameters within the relationship.  Not forever but for a time period to let the depressed person to get help.  

I am not even talking about or concerned with the monetary things or things you do in the relationship beyond showing her emotional support at this time.  All of the things you do is great.  But she also needs time to heal.

Unless you think you are being used which is a real possibility and maybe that is the reason for the anger you are displaying here.  Then take care of yourself and end it.  

But to your original post in which you were talking about a troubled woman, I was trying to help from that end.  

I've been married for many years.  Relationships are give and take for both parties.  I sure hope my husband is happy.  He seems to be and says so when I 'check in' with him on this.  But if I had an issue like depression, I'd want the time to work on it so that I was in a better place emotionally rather than having our relationship basically boil down to number of times of sex we have.  Sex is an important part of every relationship and not having it is generally a symptom of a problem.  You say you know what her problem is---  she's depressed.  So, if she works on the depression, it could get better.

There is no use in being angry with me.  I'm just trying to offer you some things to think about.  We don't know each other,  My wish of peace to her was because you say she is depressed.  Should I have said 'I wish her healing"?  You seem to want to be angry with me and that's okay.  take care

[Londres70]

OH MY.........No wonder you are at the end of your rope.  

IF you love her then instead of throwing this "sex" ultimatum on her when she arrives home have a heart to heart conversation with her.  Lay all your cards on the table and tell her what you have told us and go from there.  

[Barberstylz]

I feel like everyone is in her side on this thread. Go figure it's all women. I'm depressed everyday, my mother was imprissoned whe I was 10 years old. I was in foster homes, and a homeless chiled my entire life. I do anything for this woman, u have no idea how deep my live for her is.

[Barberstylz]

I hope I find peace too, I'm depressed also but I keep being strong to do everything I can. Provide a roof and occasional outings when money is avalible to do so. Buy rosese, wine, chocolate etc. send text telling her she's beautiful and I love her. Even when I'm home or off work I help around the house when I see she's un motivated even tho she dosent work. I'm giving my all and she wont even give me a **. There are genetically programmed needs in humans, specifically men. U sound like the type who believes a man should be a servant to women. And allow women to run men. I belive in equal rights.

[Londres70]

You really need to enlighten yourself about depression and then you will realize she isn't doing any of this to "punish you" or to "make you suffer."

A depressed partner isn't any picnic to deal with and it take someone with an incredible amount of patience and empathy.  If you can't handle this then you probably should leave because she doesn't need anymore problems stacked on her and especially if you feel you are getting the short end of the stick.

[Life360_Dave]

You have to give 100% minimum. 90% dont cut it. For better or worse, in sickness and health till death do you part. You need to put yourself in her spirit and feel as if you are her. Its called the gift of empathy which is understanding the being of another.