Does sexuality define identity?

[dave89]

So I am pretty sure Im bisexual, I have had strong sexual feelings for both men and women but one thing has always bugged me, I have a genuine attraction to women but when i was younger I would sometimes envision myself as a really hot woman having sex with another hot woman and that really got me off, so what does that make me? I always felt it was kinda weird so I've basically stopped thinking about it and I have pretty sucessfully but I know if I really wanted I could have those feelings again, for some reason thinking about having sex as a woman with a woman gets me off more than being myself and having sex with a woman, does it have to do with insecurity?, I actually like my gender but the fantasy of being female intrigues me sometimes its kinda exciting. Im just wondering if those feelings are gay or are just a weird roundabout mind game of being straight. Anyway to add to this madness when I think about being a woman sex with a man seems really pleasurable but when I think about me doing it i get grossed out. Who should I be then? Im not even sure who I am, I think Im losing my mind actually. Does sexuality define identity or the other way around?

[dave89]

thanks for your comments its been helpful, problem is i distract myself but i have still alota time to think and my mind is always going to places i dont want it to. i had a girl for a while that i really cared about that helped me alot but we broke up a while ago and ever since ive just been kinda empty and depressed, especially cause she was sorta cheating on me it made me feel really insecure about myself and i have low self esteem anyway. Ive tried to find someone else but Ive been turned down by like millions of chicks so by now they cause me some anxiety and i find it hard to relax around them.

[jo929]

If this cintinues to a lot of anxiety, then it is time to consult a counselor, but it seems to me that you think rational, it is just the fantasies that bother you, is there anyway to get it out of your mind, do you have a special girl that takes your mind off of this, it is ok to fantasys, but to a certain point, when you keep it up, it may be an obsession, and you do not want to get into that, we are here to listen, feel free to post anytime, but if this becomes a great problem do not hesitate to get help.  luck  jo

[dave89]

to answer the questions, no i have never had sex with a guy or attempted it. When Im around most guys I cant really think of them in a sexual way I mean i can but it makes me feel really uneasy and grossed out. The only times I have ever been turned on by a guy in person is when they were really acting effeminate, then I think of them as females sorta. Watching movies on the other hand I have no problem looking at guys. So I guess alot of it is fantasy or something like you guys are saying. But the problem i feel is if i continue to feed my fantasy will I start wanting sex with guys in real life the idea of doing it in person kinda repulses me, so this confliction is causing me alota anxiety.

[imanaddict]

I would suggest going with your heart on this one. You can visit some clubs that do drag shows to actually see what it's all about. You are young and still trying to find your identity, which is normal. There are no rules about how to be, gay, bi, straight, whatever. You are who you are. If you like both sexes, then so be it. Not everyone agrees with those views, but don't worry about what others say. You can't live your life based on other people's opinions. I hope you find what you are searching for!

[jo929]

Vance is right, about what is in the inner core. fantasys are ok, but have you tried or explored both sexes, it really sounds to me that at your age you are a man, and the other is fantasy, but that is what you must find out, but i would not let it drive me to the point of where,i could not think straight, It just does not seem like you have met the right woman yet, but really only you can answer your quesrtion who or what you are, the decision is yours alone and no one can tell you, we can only advise I wish you luck  jo

[teko]

I c you are only 20. Is there a possibility that you are merely fantasizing? Pretty common I think at your age.

[Vance2335]

You are who you are. Sexuality, clothes, hair do not make the man but the inner core makes the man.
Don't worry about who you like or what a fantasy is. If you think you like both men and women then go out and explore that. See if you really do. Don't let your mind get all wrapped up in the fantasy you are having.