Aa
Drunken Same Sex Sex
I did not see this coming in my life.
I have a wonderful wife and a 5 month old child.
Things we going just swimmingly and I was looking forward to a fantastic new chapter in my life, my little girl Lily.
My wife went to her parents for a few days and a "friend" (this is too generous, I knew the guy but not well at all) suggested that I went round his for a few drinks and a laugh.
I had a table tennis competition the following morning so initially I said that I'd better not drink and get back home that some night. This is something that to this day haunts me. I found out that the table tennis tournament started an hour later than I thought so I changed my mind, took the table tennis stuff with me and some alcohol ready to have a good night.
Stepping back a little, this guy has been described as a weirdo by nearly everyone I know including my Father, Sister and Wife. I always said, "don't you think that's a bit unfair - just because he looks a bit weird doesn't mean he is!". Over the years I have given people too much benefit of the doubt and think that there's good in all of us.
The early part of the night I remember quite well. Chatting, having a laugh, drinking. Every time my glass emptied there was a new one. He had cooked a meal and we both ate. I remember thinking "how comes he's cooking it for so long? It only needs warming up as it's a already cooked curry". I think he was timing how long he was re-heating it for. To me it only takes a few minutes to re-heat a curry - but this seemed to go on for ages.
We ate and then chatted and moved onto other things. I am having difficulties remembering even most of the conversation.
I noticed myself getting a bit tiddly as when I tried to play the piano I kept making mistakes or couldn't remember how to play. This guy kept pouring compliments onto me. I remember thinking, "he's being a bit nice, a bit too nice", but as usual kept putting it down to me being too judgemental.
Then things get very patchy indeed. I remember him showing me some grass (drugs) - now I am not a user but have tried it before many years ago. I said "let's do some!". He said that he won't smoke it as it's bad for your lungs. For some reason I was trying to convince him that it's ok. I think we gave up in the end but am not 100% sure. Thinking about it again - I am pretty sure we didn't have any as he was adamant about the lung thing.
Now I don't remember getting tired and wanting to go to bed - and normally when I am drinking I am the last one standing convincing everyone else to keep partying.
However, for the life of me why, we were walking up the stairs ready to end the night. He said, "this is my bedroom, you are welcome to stay in my bed, top to toe if you like". I said, "don't be silly - we don't need top to toe". At this point I was thinking, "I'm sure of my sexuality - it's just a bed - I don't really want to sleep next to your feet" so I jumped in both of us facing the same way.
Now the topic got onto porn and sex. And this is where when I start thinking about this a get scared. I had NO problem with this. In fact, I was encouraging the conversation. I think I wanted to be seen as cool enough to be able to talk about these things - and not be a stick in the mud or too shy as I often convey myself sober.
He started talking about his long term girlfriend and the possibility of a threesome. She wasn't there but I became manic about the whole thing and asked if he would get her home so we could. It looked like he was going to.
Thinking about this again scares me. This is so completely out of character - yes most men have a niggling fantasy about threesomes but that's all it normally is. I certainly wouldn't risk my marriage trying this just to satisfy a mild fantasy that, to be honest, these days is not something I have thought about in a long time.
Now it turned out that it wasn't going to happen. He put on some porn - and I was cool about this.
But for not one moment did I start to worry or sense his real intentions. I was so far away from what happened next.
He said, "look, sex is sex and it's all about an orgasm at the end of the day". And I agreed. And I still don't know why I was entertaining his suggestions.
The next god know's how long was (this is hard for me to write) me and this guy engaging in all sorts of sexual behavour I would normally be disgusted by.
Now I distinctly remember having my eyes closed all the time. For me this was all difficult to do - I was like being in a script that someone else had control over. Only on a could of occassions did I try to open my eyes and then saw what was happening - and I just saw this shadow looking over me. All I could do was close my eyes again.
I cannot imagine how long this went on for - but I distinctly remember thinking that "This is horrible, why am I doing this" and "I want this to stop it hurts". I vaguely remember encouring things on just to get it over with by making so called pleasure sounds.
The last thing that happened was he materbated and just remember thinking, "this is truely awful was waiting for the inevitable to happen. It did and it landed on the thigh area. As soon as it happened I politely said, "I just popping to the loo". I somehow found some inner strength to get up and leave the room. In the toilet I felt disgusting. I stood in the bath and washed it all away. It was horrible.
I went back as if nothing had happened and the next thing I remember was waking with a start at about 7:30am. I was suprisingly awake and my head was as clear as a bell. I got dressed and just before leaving remember saying, "I don't know what that was all about" and "when are we having a threesome".
You have to understand that I cannot fathom why I still asked the threesome question as a few hours later I felt myself coming back to normality and everything dawned on me. I started to panic and thought to myself "how the hell did that happen last night"? I don't want a threesome with him and his wife! I don't mean to be nasty, but his wife is not very attractive to say the least - and this guy is very unusual looking indeed. And both don't seem to be very hygienic either.
When I try to recall driving home, I can only remember the very beginning of the journey and a flash back of during. I had a shower as soon as I got home but barely remember this either. I normally forget a towel before I shower, but on this occassion I cannot remember getting or using a towel and can't remember putting it back.
I then drove to the table tennis tournament and performed terribly. Lost every game I played. Not surprisingly. It seemed like the longest tournament of my life. I couldn't wait to get out of there.
As soon as I left I either went home or went to the hospital - can't remember what order. Must of been hospital first as it was about 3pm - not exactly sure.
Waiting a while and got to see a doctor. Explained everything as quickly as I could (not as in-depth as here and probably in a panic). He assumed that I wanted to do this and it was a drunken mistake. I tried my best to convince him otherwise and he eventually agreed to take three urine samples so they could test for drugs. I am still waiting for those results.
A few days have passed and I have been down the GUM clinic for testing of STD's too - the most embarrassing moment of my life. I had the opportunity to speak to a health advisor too to help me come to terms. And this did help a bit.
However, I really don't know how I am going to be able to get through the rest of my life knowing this happened and not being able to tell my wife. If it wasn't for what happened,I would be able to tell her and she'd be there for me and hold my hand throughout.But because of what happened I could never be sure that she'd believe that it was all something that I didn't ever expect to happen in a million years.
What do I do?
I have a wonderful wife and a 5 month old child.
Things we going just swimmingly and I was looking forward to a fantastic new chapter in my life, my little girl Lily.
My wife went to her parents for a few days and a "friend" (this is too generous, I knew the guy but not well at all) suggested that I went round his for a few drinks and a laugh.
I had a table tennis competition the following morning so initially I said that I'd better not drink and get back home that some night. This is something that to this day haunts me. I found out that the table tennis tournament started an hour later than I thought so I changed my mind, took the table tennis stuff with me and some alcohol ready to have a good night.
Stepping back a little, this guy has been described as a weirdo by nearly everyone I know including my Father, Sister and Wife. I always said, "don't you think that's a bit unfair - just because he looks a bit weird doesn't mean he is!". Over the years I have given people too much benefit of the doubt and think that there's good in all of us.
The early part of the night I remember quite well. Chatting, having a laugh, drinking. Every time my glass emptied there was a new one. He had cooked a meal and we both ate. I remember thinking "how comes he's cooking it for so long? It only needs warming up as it's a already cooked curry". I think he was timing how long he was re-heating it for. To me it only takes a few minutes to re-heat a curry - but this seemed to go on for ages.
We ate and then chatted and moved onto other things. I am having difficulties remembering even most of the conversation.
I noticed myself getting a bit tiddly as when I tried to play the piano I kept making mistakes or couldn't remember how to play. This guy kept pouring compliments onto me. I remember thinking, "he's being a bit nice, a bit too nice", but as usual kept putting it down to me being too judgemental.
Then things get very patchy indeed. I remember him showing me some grass (drugs) - now I am not a user but have tried it before many years ago. I said "let's do some!". He said that he won't smoke it as it's bad for your lungs. For some reason I was trying to convince him that it's ok. I think we gave up in the end but am not 100% sure. Thinking about it again - I am pretty sure we didn't have any as he was adamant about the lung thing.
Now I don't remember getting tired and wanting to go to bed - and normally when I am drinking I am the last one standing convincing everyone else to keep partying.
However, for the life of me why, we were walking up the stairs ready to end the night. He said, "this is my bedroom, you are welcome to stay in my bed, top to toe if you like". I said, "don't be silly - we don't need top to toe". At this point I was thinking, "I'm sure of my sexuality - it's just a bed - I don't really want to sleep next to your feet" so I jumped in both of us facing the same way.
Now the topic got onto porn and sex. And this is where when I start thinking about this a get scared. I had NO problem with this. In fact, I was encouraging the conversation. I think I wanted to be seen as cool enough to be able to talk about these things - and not be a stick in the mud or too shy as I often convey myself sober.
He started talking about his long term girlfriend and the possibility of a threesome. She wasn't there but I became manic about the whole thing and asked if he would get her home so we could. It looked like he was going to.
Thinking about this again scares me. This is so completely out of character - yes most men have a niggling fantasy about threesomes but that's all it normally is. I certainly wouldn't risk my marriage trying this just to satisfy a mild fantasy that, to be honest, these days is not something I have thought about in a long time.
Now it turned out that it wasn't going to happen. He put on some porn - and I was cool about this.
But for not one moment did I start to worry or sense his real intentions. I was so far away from what happened next.
He said, "look, sex is sex and it's all about an orgasm at the end of the day". And I agreed. And I still don't know why I was entertaining his suggestions.
The next god know's how long was (this is hard for me to write) me and this guy engaging in all sorts of sexual behavour I would normally be disgusted by.
Now I distinctly remember having my eyes closed all the time. For me this was all difficult to do - I was like being in a script that someone else had control over. Only on a could of occassions did I try to open my eyes and then saw what was happening - and I just saw this shadow looking over me. All I could do was close my eyes again.
I cannot imagine how long this went on for - but I distinctly remember thinking that "This is horrible, why am I doing this" and "I want this to stop it hurts". I vaguely remember encouring things on just to get it over with by making so called pleasure sounds.
The last thing that happened was he materbated and just remember thinking, "this is truely awful was waiting for the inevitable to happen. It did and it landed on the thigh area. As soon as it happened I politely said, "I just popping to the loo". I somehow found some inner strength to get up and leave the room. In the toilet I felt disgusting. I stood in the bath and washed it all away. It was horrible.
I went back as if nothing had happened and the next thing I remember was waking with a start at about 7:30am. I was suprisingly awake and my head was as clear as a bell. I got dressed and just before leaving remember saying, "I don't know what that was all about" and "when are we having a threesome".
You have to understand that I cannot fathom why I still asked the threesome question as a few hours later I felt myself coming back to normality and everything dawned on me. I started to panic and thought to myself "how the hell did that happen last night"? I don't want a threesome with him and his wife! I don't mean to be nasty, but his wife is not very attractive to say the least - and this guy is very unusual looking indeed. And both don't seem to be very hygienic either.
When I try to recall driving home, I can only remember the very beginning of the journey and a flash back of during. I had a shower as soon as I got home but barely remember this either. I normally forget a towel before I shower, but on this occassion I cannot remember getting or using a towel and can't remember putting it back.
I then drove to the table tennis tournament and performed terribly. Lost every game I played. Not surprisingly. It seemed like the longest tournament of my life. I couldn't wait to get out of there.
As soon as I left I either went home or went to the hospital - can't remember what order. Must of been hospital first as it was about 3pm - not exactly sure.
Waiting a while and got to see a doctor. Explained everything as quickly as I could (not as in-depth as here and probably in a panic). He assumed that I wanted to do this and it was a drunken mistake. I tried my best to convince him otherwise and he eventually agreed to take three urine samples so they could test for drugs. I am still waiting for those results.
A few days have passed and I have been down the GUM clinic for testing of STD's too - the most embarrassing moment of my life. I had the opportunity to speak to a health advisor too to help me come to terms. And this did help a bit.
However, I really don't know how I am going to be able to get through the rest of my life knowing this happened and not being able to tell my wife. If it wasn't for what happened,I would be able to tell her and she'd be there for me and hold my hand throughout.But because of what happened I could never be sure that she'd believe that it was all something that I didn't ever expect to happen in a million years.
What do I do?
I know this has nothing to do with your question,but why did he pull out weed, and then insist that it's bad for your lungs? Why did he even have it then??
We ALL do things we regret at one drunken point or another. I can see how something like this is extremely bothersome. Have you talked to this guy again since this happened? I, too, would suggest some counseling and steer clear from that guy. It sounds like he had an agenda all along and unfortunately you fell in his trap, but that doesn't mean you can't go on with your life. Talking with a professional will help put this behind you and move forward.
We ALL do things we regret at one drunken point or another. I can see how something like this is extremely bothersome. Have you talked to this guy again since this happened? I, too, would suggest some counseling and steer clear from that guy. It sounds like he had an agenda all along and unfortunately you fell in his trap, but that doesn't mean you can't go on with your life. Talking with a professional will help put this behind you and move forward.
i didn't say this in my post (i'm embarassed and ashamed of myself) but i was also slipped the "date rape drug" a few years back. 3 years actually. unfortuantly i wasn't as lucky as drmwrjean. like you i also didn't remember most if anything of the night before. i stupidly left my drink sitting on the bar next to my then bf who was wasted. i'd only had 2 drinks (back then i could drink like a fish and be fine) after finishing that drink...that was it i was gone. i don't even know how i got home. which i know i didn't take myself home because the driver side seat was pushed all the way back (i'm sort so i have to keep my seat close to the steering wheel and everything was moved off of my passanger seat (in those days EVERYTHING i needed was on the passangers seat). they never found the person who well did that awful thing. what ***** is it happened on christmas eve.
i am so very sorry that you had to experience something like this!! i would definitely get into therapy!! it sounds to me like you were drugged, although with what, i can't say. it does sound familiar to what happened to me about 10 yrs. ago. my sister and i went out to a club to have some fun and dance, etc. when we got there we both ordered a beer and found a booth. a couple of guys came up to us and asked us to dance, etc. 2 of their friends stayed at the booth we had grabbed. anywho, while we were dancing, their friends has slipped us the "date rape drug"....after 1/2 a beer my sister and i were both wasted (this is in my party days and i could drink a 5th of whiskey and still be going) i could still function, just felt really out of it and couldn't remember a lot, etc. miraculously we got out of there and i actually drove us home. to make a long story short we ended up at the hospital and the doctors confirmed that we had been drugged.
i think there is a big stigma out there that men cannot be taken advantage of, i, however, do not believe this....ANYONE can be taken advantage of, man or woman. i am just so sorry that this happened to you...as i said above, i would find a good counselor, etc. i would also share this with your wife, so that she can be the support that you need. just explain to her what happened...it may be hard for her to take, but this is too big to keep to yourself. i would also suggest therapy for her also to learn how to help you and help herself with the emotions of what has happened. just my advice. please take care and God bless....
i think there is a big stigma out there that men cannot be taken advantage of, i, however, do not believe this....ANYONE can be taken advantage of, man or woman. i am just so sorry that this happened to you...as i said above, i would find a good counselor, etc. i would also share this with your wife, so that she can be the support that you need. just explain to her what happened...it may be hard for her to take, but this is too big to keep to yourself. i would also suggest therapy for her also to learn how to help you and help herself with the emotions of what has happened. just my advice. please take care and God bless....
get a therapist. someone who can talk to you on a regular basis (or a close friend who you can confide in that gives good advice, but remember it would be non-medical advice and you can trust not to spill their guts) who can help you come to terms with what happened. do you think you might have been drugged? or just drank too much?
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