Emancipation vs. Petitioning for custody.

[JessMurr]

My 16 year old cousin is pregnant. She has had to call me many times to take her to doctor appointments. In fact she called me tonight to inform me she isn't able to go to her appointment tomorrow because her mother refuses to allow the father of the baby to take her, and her mother is going with her sister to Joplin, we live in Oklahoma, because her nephew has to have surgery. I understand that it is scary that your grandson is having surgery, but a doctor has already told her once before that my cousin is in danger of losing her daughter. He has his own mother to take him to his appointment. The pregnant daughter definitely needs to make her appointments, instead of having to cancel them all of the time .  I can not take her to all of her appointments as I am currently living all most 2 hours away.My aunt has in the past beat both of her daughter's. She is also almost always strung out on drugs. Recently she attempted suicide. My cousin wants the father in her child's life, and he is attempting to be in he baby's life. However, her mother isn't allowing him any contact period. She wants to get out of there as it is not very healthy for he r .However, we don't know how to go about getting her out, as no one else in the family is willing to stand up to her mother. Should we try to emancipate her, or should I petition for custody?

[Chima7]

It sounds like her family situation is far too complicated and drama ridden for you to even consider getting involved. Unless you're in a position where you are prepared and completely able to take on her problems from a financial and other standpoint then you really need to stay out of it. Are you able to become 100% responsible for this girl and her baby? Cause that's what's going to end up happening if you try to get involved. I know you have good intentions but interfamily dynamics in relation to teen pregnancy is a very complex problem which unfortunately doesn't tend to end well for the parties involved.

[Londres70]

Stay out of it.

[RockRose]

JessMurr,  I also wonder how old you are,  and since you really haven't shared much about the situation,  except the mother won't let the boyfriend/father around her pregnant daughter and now she will miss a routine doctor appointment.

It's tempting to want to rush in and be the hero here,  but it's unlikely anything will turn around with this girl.  She's 16 and pregnant,  and it's likely her mother is pretty disgusted and disappointed and heart broken about it,  while worrying about whatever this surgery is with her grandchild.    

There is probably a lot more water under the bridge than you're communicating,  or maybe that you are even aware of.

[specialmom]

There is much more to a child's surgery than a simple OB/gyn appointment that is easily rescheduled.  I've had kids . . .   I know the process of pregnancy.  Your cousin should reschedule the appointment.  

But this is between THEM.  Don't try to get too involved.  Don't make this into some big dramatic event.  it's not.  Really.  I'm guessing you are very young and not a mother.  good luck

[JessMurr]

When my cousin can not actually communicate with her doctor it is a problem. It is not her child h acc ing surgery it is her grandchild, who has two sets of parents that can go with him. While it is scary, and I u nd wristband that. However, this doctor appointment was scheduled BEFORE the surgery. Things could have been worked out .  However she did not attempt to do so and just left her child hanging and will not let the  child find My cousin get a ride from the father.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I'm not sure how old you are as well, but I WILL tell you that a surgery for a child is a much bigger deal than a simple doctor's appointment.  In all seriousness.  Even if she has a threatened miscarriage, a child's surgery is something that a mother would want support of her mother and her presence.  This is hard to understand I guess how that would be significantly (yes, significantly a bigger deal) but it is. As a mother, I know.  My own son had surgery and it is terrifying.  Many women have miscarriages and I am not sure how far along your cousin is but generally, if they are in the first trimester, they are sad but not a medical threat to a young lady.  And, there is usually nothing you can do to stop it.  Most doctors simply send you home to miscarry with guidelines of when to return if there is an issue.  

So, I understand that you are trying to get involved here but this is HER mother.  And moms DO often know best and you have to trust that.  I would not get involved.  Be supportive without trying to change the dynamic between her mother and her.  That isn't your place and depending on your age and experience level, you could guide her in the wrong direction.  

Try not to be too involved here and let this work out between your cousin and your aunt.  good luck