Emotionally Attatched

[KatieGirl21]

I have been hanging out with this guy for a month. He has asked me out to coffee, movies, and star gazing. One night he kissed me and I asked what his feeling were towards me. He responded with i like you, your a sweet adorable girl and i love spending time with you. He also said that he is emotionally attatched but that he wants to take things slow. The next night we were at the movies and we saw his ex. It was a bad break-up and he still cares about her but freaked out and said to me "She is automatically going to assume were on a date but you and i are friends." I think after he expressed how he feels towards me we are more that friends. I need advice on this whole situation because the more i hang out with him the more interested i am in him.

[Westguy1003]

Yeah, he's still got some energy and momentum with that ex. You don't want any part of that.

Good call.

[specialmom]

I think you are making a wise decision.  Maybe after he is over his ex you can revisit dating . . . but I'd wait a while and by then--------  you may find a great and AVAILABLE guy.  Good luck!

[KatieGirl21]

I appreciate everyones feed back on this situation i am facing. It has helped out alot. Iv'e made the decision to be just his friend and let him get over his ex. I am still going to be his friend but no longer hang out one on one. I think hanging out in a group would be the right way to go. Thanks again:)

[imanaddict]

I also agree with the other ladies. He told you upfront that he wanted to take things slow and I understand how his actions have you confused some. It doesn't sound as if he's in a good position to start something new with you or anyone else right now and I think that if you continue to see him, you are only setting yourself up for heartbreak. If you can separate being friends with him from something more, then continue to be his friend but I wouldn't get my hopes up just yet for something more. If you can't separate the two, I would definitely cut my losses and move on to someone who isn't emotionally attached to their ex.

[mami1323]

I just don't think this is the best situation to involve yourself in.  Love is hard enough but entering a relationship or a potential dating scenario with someone who is obviously still emotionally attached to someone could perhaps lead to heartache.  If you can just get to know him and not get too seriuos then I would say ok, but I feel like you already are hopeful and are excited for this to evolve into something more.  I just don't think he is ready for that.  If I was on a date with someone and it was obviously more than a friendship and he saw his ex and told me we are just friends, and gets upset if she will think it's more.  Well I don't think I would be calling him back.  That's very disrespectful.  Who cares if it's a date or not a date or whatever, it's none of his ex's business and if they are not together then he could see whomever he wants to see.  I would enter this with serious caution but really, I think I would cut my losses and move on.  I don't like what he said to you.  Just my opinion.

[specialmom]

I agree with the ladies above.  It seems that he still has feelings for his ex and even though he told you that he is becoming emotionally attached . . . he really isn't emotionally available.  And the first girl right after a break up . . . well, those so often don't work out because we do stupid things like get mad at the girl we are with because the ex might think we are on a date (which the girl I'm with thought we were . . .).  

I'm not one that can keep my emotions in check.  I can get attached and hurt easily.  So, I'd have to go ahead and move on now telling him that when he feels he is over his girlfriend and wants to explore a relationship with me . . . that he can call me.  Otherwise, you are making yourself very vulnerable to someone that I'd say is in a position of no knowing what he wants yet.  

Good luck

[teko]

I think you need to get your emotions in check and realize that he is emotionally still dealing with baggage from his ex. He is still concerned that she may think he is dating you, which tells me he is not emotionally done with her and when he is, there will be a transition period before he can get into another close relationship that would lead anywhere. I think if you do not realize this you are going to get hurt. It has only been a month and you are letting yourself get way to involved, way too soon. Settle for friendship right now and see where he is going with the ex. Sounds like he doesnt want her to be his ex, just yet.

[Ashelen]

Alright my last boyfriend before I met my husband was kinda like this...we had been best friends for about 3 years and he had broken up with this girl he was totally into about 5 months before...and we decided to give it a shot. I'll be honest...we had a blast. there was no sexual chemistry, we never did anything more intimate than make out...but it was like friendship to a new level, but he still had feelings for his ex and eventually I moved on. and then came the break-up....our friendship was never the same again. we're close again now (8 years later) but it took my husband being tired of knowing how much losing my best friend hurt me and reaching out to him to seal the distance (yes, my husband did this for me!) to fix the friendship. and the one thing we both said about the relationship was "we had a blast...good times". Was it worth losing him for 4 years? no, absolutely not.

now..because you haven't been best friends with this guy for a long time, you don't have that concern. BUT...he seems to be pretty clear that he's not 100% into you. you might have a relationship that's "a blast" but if he still has feelings for his ex (like my exboyfriend did) then most likely all you'll have is some fun...and he'll never come around. because you can't replace feelings for one person with feelings for another. you have to get over the first person so you can move on...and that can rarely happen while in a relationship.

my thought would be...give it a shot if you want to, but DON'T give him sex and DON'T put your heart into it until you're sure he's gotten over his ex, if he ever does. for now...just enjoy being friends with him and don't expect a committment. if you're okay with that...then that's fine. if you expect/want a committment I think you're in for heartache. just take your time and see if it goes anywhere, have fun for now...but don't expect true love, at least any time soon, because he's done something very rare in admitting that he can't put his all into a relationship with you...that's a level of honesty a lot of women don't get...so I would take what he's saying to heart and remember that before you go investing any emotional attachments beyond "a fun friend".

good luck