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Ex getting Married
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Ex getting Married

I am very confused, I am 23 and i was in a 6 yr relationship 2 yrs ago. He was my 1st love and my lst for a lot of things. We went through alot together, high school, college, long distance, death. We fought alot and i was turning 21 and decedided I wanted to have fun, he had his turn when we first went to college. I dont know what happened but we just started to hate each other and we broke up and he went to the coast guard. When he came back he said he changed and he wanted to LOVe me like he never did. I had started seeing someone else and just didnt believe him. Now he has been in a relationship with a new girl for 4 months and just asked her to marry him. When I found out I just started crying hysterically and hyperventilating. I cried for 3 hours and I cry every day now since I found out. I just have so many questions, its crazy that we were together 6 YEARS and we always talked about us getting married and our kids and that is what keeps running thru my mind right now. How can I help myself get over this? It is eating me alive. I love him and always will becuase he was my 1st love.
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164559_tn?1233711618
You didn't want him until he had someone else.  That should let you see that it is being alone you fear, not him marrying someone else.

You are young, you will probably date several men before you meet "the one".  Remember what was sweet about your first love.  Learn from what was bad.  This wisdom will help you in your future relationships.

Finally, wish him well, be gracious.
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177641_tn?1189759437
"You didn't want him until he had someone else. That should let you see that it is being alone you fear, not him marrying someone else."

It's too true, unfortunately.

zestyclean, as hard as it is, you can't be angry with your ex for moving on. As you said earlier, you had decided that you were over him and turned him down when he came back to you. It's so flattering to know that you're wanted by your ex. But once we lose the focus of that attention, it can be really upsetting to acknowledge how the door between you two is really closed.

Take it easy, focus on letting go of that dream you had built up with your ex (getting married, kids, etc), and follow the last poster's advice: be gracious and wish him well. In spite of your reasons for breaking up, it doesn't sound like he's gone out of his way to hurt you.
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181789_tn?1269798004
Well I am not lonely b/c I have been in a relationship for 1 1/2 yrs with my great boyfriend who I am happier in this relationship now then I ever was with my ex. and I dont want to get back with my ex, I just want to know why I am upset about him getting married and what I can do to stop thinking about the past. I dont wish it was me getting married to him, but I am kind of jealous that he got engaged before I did.
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181789_tn?1269798004
I guess I am coming off wrong, I am happy he is happy, I just want to know why it hurts so bad and why I keep thinking of the past. I knew he was with this girl since they got together and I was happy that he finally was happy, i just dont understand why it hit me so hard he is getting married. And what i could do to stop thinking of our past.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think you are a little selfish you don't want him but you don't want nobody else to have him deep down in side you believe he is a good man and hate the fact that he moved on!
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Avatar_f_tn

True love is wanting your ex to be happy.
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Avatar_f_tn

I think it is natural to have some feelings & memories that you are having from your past relationship with your ex. It this is really bothering you, then you should find out what is fueling those feelings. (are you still in love with your ex? Is it jealousy only? Is it your ego? Etc.)




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164559_tn?1233711618
Even though you have a new bf, you have not resolved your feelings for your ex.  

I think you need time as a single women.  You are not being fair to this new guy.

Harsh I know, but if you were in love with this new guy you would not feel tied to the old.
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181789_tn?1269798004
Thanks for everyone's advice, i am getting better, I think if was the initial shock since i just found out. Thanks!
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191716_tn?1217243363
It hard to forget 1st love I know because I tot I'll never have one till few years ago when I broke up with him the world around me seems to crush I wanted to commit suicide but I think the people that I'll leave behind and him (I guess he would be laughing to see how stupid I'm if I would do that). Few months after that I found out that he's getting enggage to someone I went to him family home to see him and congratulate him but he wasn't around. He got married the same year.  It has been a while now but I'm still trying to forget him.
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Avatar_f_tn
It hurts because it makes you re-think what you had and question whether or not it was real and how much it meant to him or not. Comfort yourself in knowing that it was real, you both were just at different places in your lives and young. And, young relationships (age wise) don't always turn out to being more than that. Cherish your memories, know that it was a special time for the two of you, but create new and better ones with the bf you are with or find someone to create these memories with. Also, ask yourself what you loved about him and what you want in a bf/future husband and don't settle for someone that does not have the qualities you seek. If had it been meant to be, it would have. There are always reasons when a relationship does not work out. It is possible you have someone better for you waiting in the wings and you just haven't found him yet. Time will heal this--let yourself be honest about what worked and what didn't work in that relationship, give yourself time to grieve and then let time wash over you (don't get stuck where some people do and they are trapped in their memories and can't move on).
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181789_tn?1269798004
Thank you so much for you comment, i think that is the best advice anyone has giving me! Thank you!
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Avatar_f_tn
Glad to have helped out-- all the best zestyclean!
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181789_tn?1269798004
thanks for your comment, it sounds like you know exactly how I feel, i hope things get better for you! thanks!
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191716_tn?1217243363
Ur most welcome, only a person who went thru what u've gone thru can understand hope that you'll find the happiness that you're looking for. All the best for your future...
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148691_tn?1260198503
i think you are not hurting.......or at least your heart is not the one hurting....is you EGO....

are you in a competition????? no.....altho, i think you sound like you feel in one! you said it hurts that he got engaged first....and beat you! ok....so, just ask yourself, do I LOVE him?? or do i just wanna see him 'behind' me all the time? why do you wanna beat him?? if you are super in love with your super boyfriend,........then focus on him and your relationship....not on 'who does first what' with your ex.

That's just my opinion....


Good luck
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191716_tn?1217243363
How's everything I hope that all are doing great  :)
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Avatar_n_tn
I found out that my ex got married and has a little boy now but it didnt seem realy to me untill I found her myspace page and say them.  It's really messing with me.  We had a grat relationship but she wanted to get married but I thought we where to young and that we should wait.  After sometime it hurt her to much so she broke up with me.  So now 7 year are past and I runinot this stuff and it's totaly through me for a lop.  I'm hurting so much.  I should of married her when we where together.  I'm hurting so much.  I thought I was over that very hard break up for me and for us but now its just as bad as the day it happend.  I still love her so much I want to change this but there is nothing I can do to get her back and I know its worng for me to even talk to her sense she has moved on so I havent and I wont but I miss her so much.  rrrrrrr
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Avatar_n_tn
I was with my ex for about 4 years on and off, he never took me seriously we had a baby boy, during my pregnacy he wasn't really there for me, he was always going out with his friends then I found out he was cheating on me, he said he was sorry and left this woman but then after six months he left me to be with her then like 5 months after got married. I don't want him back either but it just hurts that he thought this woman was wife material and married her so fast, while when he was with me he always used to laugh when someone used to ask when we were getting married, I just feel sometimes I was not good enough to make him happy.
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285927_tn?1380802356
Look at it this way.  If he has been with this person for only 4 months and is marrying her, you were not the right one anyway, so I wouldnt worry about it. Good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
I just found out tonight that my first love who I was with for 5 years got engaged last month. The thing that is making it hard for me is that she is the girl that he at least emotionally cheated on me with and was the catalyst to get him to end our relationship. We broke up 13 months ago and he has been with her for 9 months and engaged for 1. It hurts that he was over us and moved on so quickly after our split. It's such a rollercoaster of emotions. Part of me is (or at least wants to be and will one day genuinely be) happy for him (please note that when he told me I did give him a hug and congratulate him). That said, another part hates that he is first to get engaged and move on - I don't know anyone that doesn't have that deep dark part of them that partly wishes their ex would always see them as the one that got away. And another part is really hurting at the fact that I am single and nowhere near getting engaged. Yet another part is hurt that it took so little to get over me and that he had started dating his future wife while I was still getting over my him. It also kills that for all of his promises and discussions about getting married and having a family, that I wasn't the one and she is.

I know that I am repeating what others have said but it feels good to write (aka type) it down and get it out there.

I am 99% over him and up until I found out this news was happy with my life and felt like I was going places. It's just that this news is a kick in the guts. I know that with a little time I will get back to my "happy place", the same as it was when I was getting over the break up. But I have to say I hate the adage that "time heals all wounds", largely because "a watched pot never boils" is usually the way time works in these cases. The initial phase where you really want to get over it and you wish time would go faster is like waiting for water to boil, tedious and boring.

To all the people that verbally bash people for expressing their feelings, whether they be jealousy, anger or egotism - please grow a heart. Everyone has these feelings. They are part of the human condition. We all experience them, we all deal with them in our own way, and we all lack the emotional intelligence to recognise them and the reasons behind them. We need to stop shouting down people for expressing themselves (as long as it's through talking only and not destructive behaviour - eg. burning said ex's belongings) and show support. See waitingwithhope's message above for constructive advise and a perfect example of kindness with words.
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Avatar_f_tn
My ex and I have been together for about 10 years, we had broke up less than a year and I receive his sms that he is getting married in next month.
I feel so shock and depressed when I got that message. How can a relationship that I work very hard to maintain it to be so fragile? How can a 10 years relationship just swap away with nothing like tsunami? I can't understand why. I read a lot to calm myself down but it's useless. There is nothing more I could do except greets him, but was the greeting truthful from my heart? it's not at all. We planned so many things ahead in the past, but everything changed in just 1 second. Hardly believe that 10 years relationship to be so fragile. Also hardly believe that the man who i always want to be with, now become someone's husband. :(
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Avatar_m_tn
My goodness, when I thought I was going through hell and at the point of wanting to end my life, I read your stories, and your hell is HELL compared to mine.  I am sorry so for you two and zesty too.  I broke up with my ex about 4 months ago, long story short he was involved in criminal activity and went on the run and was angry that I didn't go with him.  Then a couple months ago I met a guy, gave him my heart, he used me and told me last week he was going to try and work things out with his ex. When I read your stories it makes me stronger, I was with my ex for almost 2 years but I can't imagine being with someone 5 or 10 years then they leave.  Maybe I'm still too naive but my goodness I hope you all gain strength and if this helps you have encouraged me in so many ways you don't know.
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Avatar_f_tn
Since my parents got divorced,i never believed in the notion,or concept of marriage.so whenever i was dating someone,i always loved them without any expectation of marrying him;besides,i am still 21 now, previous dating experiences in such a young age would not entail future marriage promises.but 2 and a half years ago,i went to australia for university,i met this guy who is 5 years older than me.He made believe that love and marriage will work,he altered my principal,and i was happy i found someone who can save me from my paranoia of marriage.i have never been so in love,i gave him my everything.however,as time passed by he cheated on me with his ex,and this happened for 15 times.i found a hotel key,sex chat,evidence that they were hanging out while i waited for him at home wondering where he went,and when we fought due to this,i always lost,and the fact that im blinded with love made it even harder for me to let him go.but the following three months,he supported and improved his character.so i started to believe him again..last year,in june,he asks me to marry him.i was EXCITED.we planned to have the engagement last december and we went to our parents and they approved it.that was the happiest moment in my life.i already discussed the decoration,ring,outfit and everything.
just 2 months before we were about to head back to our country to undergo the engagement process,i was in the car with him about to grab a bite until his phone rings and he refused to pick up. i began to have a discomforting feeling,and so i took his phone and went outside of the car to check his msgs,apparently hes been cheating on me again.i screamed at him,reminded him how we were about to get engaged and he still dared to cheat on me.i went inside the car,crying,and so we fought inside,he tried defending himself and so i opened the car door while it was moving very rapidly and so my body was thrown outside of the car,the car behind me fortunately stopped very quickly otherwise il be gone by now,i almost broke my arm,and there were a lot of bruises on my legs.i was so stress out in the middle of the street,everyone was looking at me,he went outside of the car and started dragging me to the car but i pushed him away,and i threw my laptop to the road,along with bag and my cellphone like a lunatic,i was so upset i couldnt think of anything.i took off my clothes (it was still cold although summer was already approaching) in front of a large audience and told him to go otherwise il be completely naked.we were fighting on the street,catching attention,and i became more frustrated i banged my head against the electrical pole so i hard that it was bleeding.he tried helping me but i was already dissapointed so he took off with his car as i told him.i put my clothes back on,and apparently there were several people who called the cops and when three polica cars approached,i ran (stupid) and so they chased me.for the first time in my life,i was handcuffed,humiliated in front of public and taken to the polcie station.They thought i was crazy,perhaps i was,and so i started telling story,and it was nothing illegal or anything they were even confused.one of the police woman helped me clean up the blood that kept on dripping from my head and so i was imprison for an hour.i begged the police to not tell my parents as i will lose my education opportunity and everything else,and so they called my embassy instead telling that one of their people is help captive due to uncontrollable rage.i was so ashamed,even my country's diplomat and their staff had to know my condition.they told me if ever do something similar again i will be deported immediately.i was released an hour later,the police took me home.after they left,i went to walk outside crying to myself then i called this girl who ruined my relationship,i told her what ive been through and she didnt even feel sorry for me.i yelled at her telling her that i was about to get married,then she cried,telling me how she was going to marry him,apparently my ex has proposed to her first.i called him to come and see me to settle the problem,i cried to him,he apologized and he didnt deny the fact that hes about to marry this girl.a week later i found out that im pregnant to him.we had sexual intercourse before this fight,and this is what happened.my baby was already 3 motnhs old and i didnt even realize that,i knew i missed periods but i still do dance and all of the things that entail huge amount of energy and never thought this would happen.i didnt break up with him because i love him so much and its better to be hurt than to lose him (yes i was stupid).additionally,the baby makes it even harder for me to forget him.he then told me hes going to marry me because he wants to be responsible.i washappy knowing i get a hold of him again.and 3 weeks before we were about to go home,he cheated on me again.i spent days being sick,vommiting,skipping classes,just communicate with my baby and all he did was worrying that the other girl is going out with someone else.we fought again and he slapped me,choked me and threw me to the bed,it was his fault but he panicked knowing the fact that i caught him cheating again.he even punched me, in the stomach,he went crazy.i yelled at him,crying telling him how he just punched our baby and that what he did was so wronggg.and so i decided to move back to my place,where i had to do all the chorus by myself in that condition.i cancelled my wedding and engagement to my parents but i didnt tell them the truth,i jsut told them that we were incompatible.as much as i hate him,i wouldnt want his image to go bad in front of everyone as i still love him too (stupid,again).so i spent 2000 dollars on abortion.after i had the abortion,HE broke up with me and went back with his ex whom hes about to marry,seriously.i was so torn,i consumed alcohol everyday even druing exam week,i didnt study,i just drank,and smoked weed everyday.i realized everything was so wrong,i went to a psychologist for post abortion,they told me how im suffering from this depression,as i talk to myself every night,wanting the baby to come back.i went to seek consolation from some of my best friends,they told me i have to move on,find other guy and just go back home for a few months just to sort things out,seek comfort from family.but then,i got a phone call from the doctor who had tested me for pap smear,and they told me how i got a cervix cancer.i cant forget him,i cant forget my baby,and  who wants to be with someone who has a disease or cancer?so i really did go back home,and i was even more RUINED.the first few daysi just cried to my parents,but they didnt know about the baby,the only thing that they know is that i was devastated by the breakup and that he left me for marrying someone else.the following days,i started using drugs(cocaine,heroin,crystal meth,xanax,more weed,lsd,mdma,and many more)i go clubbing four times a week where i actually met a lot of guys and i was so drunk so i didnt care what i did,i even had a little something with 3 girls,was also involved in a fight where i almost died as i was hit by a drunken guy who was huge and strong enough to take any man down, and i started selling drugs.just before i came back to australia, i was targeted by the police because i have a strong link to the main dealer in that country.but then i bribed them and so now im off the hook.ive been withdrawing from all of those stuff including drugs for almost 2 months..now i have trouble sleeping,feeling sick all the time, my study is in danger(i was even advised to withdraw from every subject as told by the dean of the uni).i lost my money,lost my baby,lost the opportunity to have a bf since im traumatized,lost my weight (from 49 to 44),lost my common sense,lost my academic skill,i lost everything.he is happy now... while i suffer... so please i hope you are okay with your condition. dont fall into the pit like me... u are better than this...
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Winner!  I had the EXACT same thing happen; gf, loved her a lot, and she wanted me to marry her, but since she broke up with me like once every month for 5 months strate, i fig i wanted to push back when i'd pop the question to her.  She didnt want to wait (partially cuz of family medical history that makes SOME women in fam impotent starting in their 30s).  So she started online talking to someone after the last breakup, even tho we were stil kinda 2gether. Got back with me then quickly left.  6 months later, she got proposed to on Valentine's, and 5 months later (11 months after breaking my heart), she got married.  Now she has a baby boy who is not 2 yrs old yet.  It's been 2.5 years since she dumped me, I have a new GF, she moved in w/ me, but i still think of my old GF and cry sometimes.  Nothing we can do, trying to contact our now married ex's who have a baby.  It's hard. I'll pray for u brother.  Hope u can make the pain go away. 7 yrs is a LONG time to still b in pain; hope im not hurting 5 yrs from now.  My empathy & sympathy is w/u, Man.  It hurts, esp when it's da 1st woman u were IN love w/ (not just loved).  pray, pray, and get out and meet new ppl...ive read breakup books and advice from others; it's all the same.  preoccupy your mind w/ activities & other ppl.  Easier said than done.  God Bless u Man!
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