Aa
Ex girlfriend changed completely
We've been togehter for 2 years.We supposed to move to another country at my mom to start a new life there.She was very excited about it she loved me a lot and I was her first man.2 weeks ago she broke up with me because i started drinking and her father too has strong drinking problems.However that was not the only reason she dumped me.Right after the rbeak up she started dating a friend of ours that we've met him only 2 months ago.He always wanted her and now he made his move.The thing is she is completely different.When we were togheter she was a good person never liked cheating and she had a amazing character.Now she is going out all night never answers and she is hanging out with people that she hated before.Our friends started to keep distance for her and even her parents told me that she is losing her mind...She became the person she told me she never wanted to be.I feel very sorry for her right now.i kept asking her to get back togheter we tried once and she was hiding and going out without calling me so we stopped seeing eachother again.She has a second phone she is hiding her phone from everybody even her mother..her behaviour is weird when she is with me she has a forced laughter and she is nervous.then suddenly stops and stares like she has something on her mind.She is joking and flirting with other guys when I am around her.I know she is confused and I feel that she is in emotional mess...She never acted this way she is agressive.I try to figure out what's wrong with her but she rejects me every ime she is lying about that other guy.She denies everything.I love her a lot she never behave like this before.What can this mean??Please some advice would be great right now...
Like I stated she doesn't deserve you. You sound like a decent guy. Oh well..........her loss.
Find someone who knows who she is and knows what she wants.
Enjoy Italy.
Find someone who knows who she is and knows what she wants.
Enjoy Italy.
Well if she does something there it's going to be the last thing she would do to me.I hopre she knows what she wants but if she doesn't and if she does something there I will let her go forever.This is the last change I will give her and I think I've done enough for her already.I don't know for sure if she will come or what she wants but this is my limit and I think she knows what she is going to do.I really loved this girl and I've managed to forgive what she has done but I don't want her to treat me like a fool.
Leave and take care of you. This girl doesn't deserve you.
Who knows if she will get to Italy and start doing something crazy there.
Leave her behind and move on.
Who knows if she will get to Italy and start doing something crazy there.
Leave her behind and move on.
Now she wants to come with me to Italy.But she is thinking about it.The thing is I need to leave in 1-2 weeks so it's stressful.I am confused agaian.She told her mother that she really wants to be with me again but she is ashamed of what she has done and she won't give me an answer at this moment.She gave me signs that she still cares for me and all but something it's holding her back from giving a straight answer...I don't know wehat to do..to wait for her or to leave ..
And she was with that guy last night at a club togheter...So I have my answer now..
I hope so..I still love her and it's hard seeing her with somone else and it's hard seeing that she moved on so quickly...Her mother just called me again and she started crying ..she told me her daughter never calls her anymore and doesn't talk to her..she said that she doesn't recognize her daughter anymore...I told her mother it's over because I'm tired of her treating me like this..I hope is for the best and from now I will focus on my own life and on my own goals...I hope I will forget about her and start to feel better..Thank you for your replies
'let her go, if she a comes back it was meant to be'
i would not even contact her anymore at this point and accept that you will never have the answers you seek.
she is young. she will make choices in her own life as she should. maybe later down the line she will have regrets and maybe not.
either way, you need to move on and do what is right for you and your life. stop worrying about her and start making decisions about your own life and future.
you will meet someone else and this will be a distant memory.
i would not even contact her anymore at this point and accept that you will never have the answers you seek.
she is young. she will make choices in her own life as she should. maybe later down the line she will have regrets and maybe not.
either way, you need to move on and do what is right for you and your life. stop worrying about her and start making decisions about your own life and future.
you will meet someone else and this will be a distant memory.
Thank you I hope it's the right decision for me right now..She didn't show any interest of getting back togheter she only tells me to wait for her answer..And yes I know it's not that guys fault..I only get to stay a month and then I will leave and I hope it is for the best.
I don't try to control her in any way...and I don't compete with that guy it's not his fault for anything..if she is with him is her decision and he cannot force her..She probably had her reasons to leave..yes I was drinking for 1 month and so twice a week or something like that..I had a lot of crazy nights and alcohol before we got togheter (2 years ago) but stopped...I was so stressed because my dad always wanted me to go away from the house and he always talked bad to me...Also I was waiting for her to finish school and driver license to move to my mom with her. for a year..The jobs here are **** and if you don;t have relations they wouldn't give you a job..So I was frustrated about just waiting around and not having money..also my dad pointed this a lot..So I began to drink and yes it's stupid I know that..She became distant and so was I...She then broke up with me..3 months before the break-up she was so excited about moving with me and all of that and yes she was because I know her...After the breakup she entered my facebook profile and she was trying to "spy" me..Meanwhile I heard thing that she was hanging out with that guy and I got nervous and called her...After that she decided to try again but she kept hiding and going out with strangers so I said to her that she doesn't seem to care...So we stopped and now I am the only one that reaches for her...As I said I don't want control..and I don't try to make her jealous, play games or compete with anyone..I want her to see that I still care and I want to do something about it..She keeps saying to wait for her but now I need to move in one month or so and I'm tired of playing her games..I'm sick of waiting...I was too close to her ..She was the only I could talk to about my problems and the only one I trusted...I forgot that people change and that bad things happen..
Robert, I know it is hard to refrain from trying to blame someone, but please stop talking about the other guy at though he caused this change. Women don't leave perfect relationships for other people, no matter how many men are lurking around acting interested.
Good luck with your big life change and new job.
Good luck with your big life change and new job.
Yeah maybe she is testing that other guy and keeps me as a backup plan..I will let go now..It shocked me that she moved on so quickly I guess..that's why I was still holding on..She even kissed me and all of that after 5 days of breakup but then she kept avoiding me so I will let go...
The best thing you could do is make the decision to just move on. Regardless of whatever she decides, this is way too much back and forth drama and no one us worth that kind of constantly daily headache. Tell her you're done, thanks for the memories, have a nice life. End of story.
"she is giving me false hope or what? "
" I don;t know what she wants is she stringing me along?? "
You are so focused on needing solid answers, and there aren't any.
Londres said the following, and I agree completely:
"Pay attention to what she DOES more so than what she SAYS. "
Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. IN my opinion, one of two things is going on...ONE, she just keeps telling you that because she feels bad and/or because you keep badgering her for answers, OR, she really is genuinely confused about how she feels and what she wants.
In either case, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do. I would suggest moving on (completely) and if it's meant to be, then you'll be together. If she wanted to be with you, she would, plain and simple. The fact that she's not speaks volumes to me....telling me that for right now, she has chosen someone else.
You need to try to find acceptance and move on.
" I don;t know what she wants is she stringing me along?? "
You are so focused on needing solid answers, and there aren't any.
Londres said the following, and I agree completely:
"Pay attention to what she DOES more so than what she SAYS. "
Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. IN my opinion, one of two things is going on...ONE, she just keeps telling you that because she feels bad and/or because you keep badgering her for answers, OR, she really is genuinely confused about how she feels and what she wants.
In either case, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do. I would suggest moving on (completely) and if it's meant to be, then you'll be together. If she wanted to be with you, she would, plain and simple. The fact that she's not speaks volumes to me....telling me that for right now, she has chosen someone else.
You need to try to find acceptance and move on.
Yes I need to move on bue she keeps telling me to wait for answer and that we might get back togheter..she is giving me false hope or what? I don;t know what she wants is she stringing me along?? When I ask her she tells me to wait a little more and to not pressure her...
I don't blame her if that is the story. My cousins (my generation) have three alcoholic children of an alcoholic dad, who is himself the son of an alcoholic. It has caused more havoc in their relationships and their lives than anyone would willingly sign up for. One of my cousins is on his third wife, one has divorced, one is estranged with a little child in the mix. Very awful for the wives. If you grow up seeing the pain of alcoholism and are not yourself in trouble with alcohol, it is the last thing you would sign up for.
I don't necessarily see you as clingy as wanting to control things. My point is, YOU CAN'T control things. There is no explanation she could give you that would make things different, and as Londres mentions, women aren't stolen by other guys, they make the decision to move that direction. You sound partway concerned about her but also very ego-struck that she might have had the gall to move away from wonderful you to horrible him, and like you are soothing yourself to think he was some kind of world-class manipulator and she a brainless wuss, just so you won't have to think that maybe she made the decision to leave you herself. Without help.
Yes, there are some people who endure a relationship even if it is not satisfactory and don't leave until someone else comes along who looks better. People know many coping mechanisms, including (if they are in an unsatisfactory situation) not thinking of it very hard so they won't be hurt by it. She is doubtless telling you the truth when she says she does not know what she wants exactly. Of course she doesn't! She's 19! Who we are changes every year in our teens.
Anyway, don't badger her, don't say "I just want to hear her say ..." or "I just want her to explain ..." All the talking in the world is not going to make you feel better now, especially with that large streak of competitiveness you have going on with the supposedly sinister manipulative guy who stole your girl who had no resistance because he was so scheming.
Let it go, move on with your life. Maybe there is a place for the two of you to get back together a ways in the future, but some water needs to flow under the bridge for now. Please don't bug her for answers any more, and please don't pronounce judgement on her supposed pliability to an evil girlfriend thief. She might be doing odd things right now, but it insults her to act like she does not have freedom to do them. That is also what the teens are for, to learn who one is. And sometimes our experiments turn out badly, but we do learn.
I don't necessarily see you as clingy as wanting to control things. My point is, YOU CAN'T control things. There is no explanation she could give you that would make things different, and as Londres mentions, women aren't stolen by other guys, they make the decision to move that direction. You sound partway concerned about her but also very ego-struck that she might have had the gall to move away from wonderful you to horrible him, and like you are soothing yourself to think he was some kind of world-class manipulator and she a brainless wuss, just so you won't have to think that maybe she made the decision to leave you herself. Without help.
Yes, there are some people who endure a relationship even if it is not satisfactory and don't leave until someone else comes along who looks better. People know many coping mechanisms, including (if they are in an unsatisfactory situation) not thinking of it very hard so they won't be hurt by it. She is doubtless telling you the truth when she says she does not know what she wants exactly. Of course she doesn't! She's 19! Who we are changes every year in our teens.
Anyway, don't badger her, don't say "I just want to hear her say ..." or "I just want her to explain ..." All the talking in the world is not going to make you feel better now, especially with that large streak of competitiveness you have going on with the supposedly sinister manipulative guy who stole your girl who had no resistance because he was so scheming.
Let it go, move on with your life. Maybe there is a place for the two of you to get back together a ways in the future, but some water needs to flow under the bridge for now. Please don't bug her for answers any more, and please don't pronounce judgement on her supposed pliability to an evil girlfriend thief. She might be doing odd things right now, but it insults her to act like she does not have freedom to do them. That is also what the teens are for, to learn who one is. And sometimes our experiments turn out badly, but we do learn.
Pay attention to what she DOES more so than what she SAYS.
I wouldn't recommend devoting all your waking hours worrying about this. It's almost as if you've made her into "your life." You seem super clingy.
She's 19 and I am sure she is trying to find herself and she is entitled to change whatever; that's her right. Were you expecting her to stay the same from the age of 17 to 19?
Being that your father has drinking issues and then her father has drinking issues and then YOU began to drink.....................that's concerning and worrisome and perhaps she wants someone who isn't associated with drinking issues whether it be him or his family.
I wouldn't recommend devoting all your waking hours worrying about this. It's almost as if you've made her into "your life." You seem super clingy.
She's 19 and I am sure she is trying to find herself and she is entitled to change whatever; that's her right. Were you expecting her to stay the same from the age of 17 to 19?
Being that your father has drinking issues and then her father has drinking issues and then YOU began to drink.....................that's concerning and worrisome and perhaps she wants someone who isn't associated with drinking issues whether it be him or his family.
I don't want to have the habit of drinking anymore I saw what effects had on my life..Somteimes it takes some time to realize what are you doing in your life..If it wasn't of my drinking problem maybe this would't happened..I care for her even we broke up...She keeps telling me to hold on that she is thinking of getting back togheter..But the waiting game it's messing with my head..She avoids me somehow she answer all of my calls but she makes often excuses to see me..I don;t want to be her backup plan or something like that..It's time to tell her that if she doesn't give me a straight answer I will let go of her...I never thinked of her seeing another guy that quickly after the breakup and I do think that she is confused right now..I will see what she has to say when she is ready..
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think what is hard is understanding that we date and that doesn't mean it is forever. That along the way, someone can evaluate the attributes of the other person or how the relationship is going and decide to move on. This is really what dating is for.
I'm so glad you stopped drinking and understand that you were using it to self medicate through stress. Important to find other more healthy stress relievers.
I think that you will find your way and learn what you've had happen here to help you next time.
Drinking excessively can be a touchy subject for someone that has been hurt by alcohol abuse in their life. it can be a deal breaker and even when you stopped, it can be in the back of one's mind and they never want to go there again.
Anyway, you have your whole life before you and I would let this woman be. good luck
I'm so glad you stopped drinking and understand that you were using it to self medicate through stress. Important to find other more healthy stress relievers.
I think that you will find your way and learn what you've had happen here to help you next time.
Drinking excessively can be a touchy subject for someone that has been hurt by alcohol abuse in their life. it can be a deal breaker and even when you stopped, it can be in the back of one's mind and they never want to go there again.
Anyway, you have your whole life before you and I would let this woman be. good luck
I accept all of that I am 21 years old.If she moved on why does she keep telling me that she will consider getting back?? I hope she doesn't string me along till she decides to go with that guy...She told me that she will give an answer in a week..She said she is conufsed an that she neds time to think..
Ditto AB.................
You are only responsible for yourself, not your problems and her problems. You can't save her. She has made these choices and you must accept that and move on.
BTW: No one "steals" anybody away.....she chose to be with this other guy.
I know you care about her and are concerned, but it is apparent she doesn't want you in her life anymore.
Sounds like you both should be apart and deal with your family situations/issues.
Keep in mind she is only 19 and you sound young as well. In my opinion no one should be so "hot and heavy" in a relationship @ 19 let alone moving to a foreign country.
You are only responsible for yourself, not your problems and her problems. You can't save her. She has made these choices and you must accept that and move on.
BTW: No one "steals" anybody away.....she chose to be with this other guy.
I know you care about her and are concerned, but it is apparent she doesn't want you in her life anymore.
Sounds like you both should be apart and deal with your family situations/issues.
Keep in mind she is only 19 and you sound young as well. In my opinion no one should be so "hot and heavy" in a relationship @ 19 let alone moving to a foreign country.
Yes I know that I can't change anything.I want to understand why.I will not contact her see what happens next.I really liked her character and really loved her.Things happen sometimes and you can;t do nothing about it.Maybe it's for the better I don't know...better that it happened now before we had to move at my mom.If it was to happen there it was worse..I will let the time pass...
You cannot will her or wish her to do anything but what she is doing. It does not matter how long you have known her, or what dark designs you project on the other guy. She is her own person for better or worse, and whether or not you understand her, she is going to live her own life. She is not going to stop to reassure you or explain or say it's over or anything. Move on with your life. Let her know where you go, in case she becomes rational some day and wants to get back together, but in the meantime, LET GO. You can't change any of this.
Yes I know that she desliked drinking.That is the cause of it all I was lost I don;t know maybe I didn;t have patience I really wanted to go to my mother because here I stay with my dad and don;t have a job..My dad is also a drinker and he always argues with me and wants me to leave.I was pressured and stressed so i started drinking...But she never discussed to me she became distant and this guy started to steal her from me...Now I don;t drink anymore I realized what I've done..But now she is the problem her behaviour she closed contact with all of our friends and family..I don;t know what is going on in her head right now if she wants to be with that guy I want her to tell me because we are not togheter anymore..She keeps hiding and doing bad decisions and everybody started to keep distance from her..I want her to be her again..the girl I know...We were friends 2 years before we got togheter and I want to see her at least like when we were just friends..Everybody lost they're respect for her and me too..I want to have frindly conversations with her if we never get back togheter but she makes me go away from her and to lose my respect for her..I want her to tell me what's wrong and to get back in her senses..I don;t want to see her like this..She is destroying herself...I just want to know that she is okay and that she is happy...
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