Aa
Failing in Asia
Sorry this is kind of a long story so I will try to make it as brief as possible.
Successful American male, earning 6 figures, marries an Asian girl. Girl insists on moving back to her home country. Husband sends his wife to Asia at least 4 months out of the year to visit home. Still not good enough.... Wife stipulates move or divorce.
Husband can not survive in Asia, does not speak the language. Eventually a baby is born. The wife really starts to make strong demands or returning home. So after 5 years of marriage in the US, couple moves to Asia. Husband now works 6-7 days a week, as opposed to 4.5 days a week in America. Husband is required to travel often.
Family now lives in the mother in laws house, husband is now treated as a fly on a wall. No longer treated as an important figure, relationship is really no longer treated as a relationship, more like an association of two individuals. No privacy, no intimacy.... Sex is minimal 3 times in 7 months to be exact. Wife states she has no intimate desires for her husband at all, and that it is not due to lack of husbands attractive looks. She states she is just sexually "TURNED OFF" period. She is not on any medications, The lack of sex within the marriage has lasted for 3 years. Husband and wife sleep in seperate rooms.
Husband, out of desperation finally had an affair.... and believes he may be in love with the other woman.
Husband does not want a divorce, does not want to lose his son, or a large amount of his wealth and in some respects still loves his wife.
This particular asian culture does support the practice of having a "minor wife" but he does not know if this could work...
He is dyeing inside.
Child has dual citizenship, without a doubt the mother would be granted custody. Wife, through her husband is already has 100% ownership of rental property which provides the income of twice the average citizen in her home country. If there was a divorce she would retain the property because foreingers can not own land in her country. She would also recieve 20% of husbands income for child support & half of all of his savings. In short, she would be extremely rich.
Advice?
Successful American male, earning 6 figures, marries an Asian girl. Girl insists on moving back to her home country. Husband sends his wife to Asia at least 4 months out of the year to visit home. Still not good enough.... Wife stipulates move or divorce.
Husband can not survive in Asia, does not speak the language. Eventually a baby is born. The wife really starts to make strong demands or returning home. So after 5 years of marriage in the US, couple moves to Asia. Husband now works 6-7 days a week, as opposed to 4.5 days a week in America. Husband is required to travel often.
Family now lives in the mother in laws house, husband is now treated as a fly on a wall. No longer treated as an important figure, relationship is really no longer treated as a relationship, more like an association of two individuals. No privacy, no intimacy.... Sex is minimal 3 times in 7 months to be exact. Wife states she has no intimate desires for her husband at all, and that it is not due to lack of husbands attractive looks. She states she is just sexually "TURNED OFF" period. She is not on any medications, The lack of sex within the marriage has lasted for 3 years. Husband and wife sleep in seperate rooms.
Husband, out of desperation finally had an affair.... and believes he may be in love with the other woman.
Husband does not want a divorce, does not want to lose his son, or a large amount of his wealth and in some respects still loves his wife.
This particular asian culture does support the practice of having a "minor wife" but he does not know if this could work...
He is dyeing inside.
Child has dual citizenship, without a doubt the mother would be granted custody. Wife, through her husband is already has 100% ownership of rental property which provides the income of twice the average citizen in her home country. If there was a divorce she would retain the property because foreingers can not own land in her country. She would also recieve 20% of husbands income for child support & half of all of his savings. In short, she would be extremely rich.
Advice?
Maybe you could take a trip to the US to visit your parents withyour son--then just happen to stay here since he does have duel citizenship. Try and set up a company that is based in the country you know live in and transfer owenrship to the properties to the company--when you leave sell the properties and then give your wife what you think is fair and adequate--do this all through a lawyer. Then get you butt back to the US and stay here.
Folks, my wife, is a good mother. She loves her son, my boy greatly. Essentially steeling hime away even if I could... I would not. He loves his mother, he loves me too, but like most kids, he is partial to his mother.
Can't say I blame him. I am still partial to my mom... we connect, where as my dad and I we only connect if there is a tool in our hands, thenwe can talk....
But he is a good man.
To think that I deserve all the money and my son is really wrong. If anything I desrve at least 90% of my liquid assets, and allowed to go in peace.
Bt like I said... it is only sex right?
Safe sex is with one partner, the safest is with zero partners... so on the positve side, I wont die of an aids complicated illness.
Can't say I blame him. I am still partial to my mom... we connect, where as my dad and I we only connect if there is a tool in our hands, thenwe can talk....
But he is a good man.
To think that I deserve all the money and my son is really wrong. If anything I desrve at least 90% of my liquid assets, and allowed to go in peace.
Bt like I said... it is only sex right?
Safe sex is with one partner, the safest is with zero partners... so on the positve side, I wont die of an aids complicated illness.
Also, this thought just occurred to me, and I hope there's not a huge backlash from people after I say this.
Assuming, you and your family still come to the states for trips, do you know what the other country's laws are for giving up citizeship? If so, could you somehow go through the process with your son here? I would doubt there's anything you could do until he was 18, but some countries have vastly different citizenship laws, and it might be worth taking a look at that option if what you really truly want is to have custody of your son and move back to the states.
Finally, is there any way for you to get citizenship of the country you're currently in? You'd want to double check with the US embassy before doing anything, but according to I think a supreme court decision in the 80s, I think you can have dual nationality, even as an adult, as long as you never have the intention to give up your US citizenship. Assuming, this is true, would having citizenship in the country your in give you more rights legally re: custody and finances hen going through the divorce?
Assuming, you and your family still come to the states for trips, do you know what the other country's laws are for giving up citizeship? If so, could you somehow go through the process with your son here? I would doubt there's anything you could do until he was 18, but some countries have vastly different citizenship laws, and it might be worth taking a look at that option if what you really truly want is to have custody of your son and move back to the states.
Finally, is there any way for you to get citizenship of the country you're currently in? You'd want to double check with the US embassy before doing anything, but according to I think a supreme court decision in the 80s, I think you can have dual nationality, even as an adult, as long as you never have the intention to give up your US citizenship. Assuming, this is true, would having citizenship in the country your in give you more rights legally re: custody and finances hen going through the divorce?
Just out of curiosity, would there be any way for you to hide your assets? I know you don't technically own the properties, but would there be any way for you to quietly start selling them off and secretly sticking the money in an offshore account? I have no idea what this country's banking/trusts and estates laws are like, but from what you've said, it doesn't sound like the most industrialized country and therefore forensic accounting might not come into play. Not that I want to advocate your doing something illegal.
Have gone to the US embassy and discussed the legal issues with them? As an american citizen, your child should have some rights. They may also be able to recommend an extremely good law firm that may be able to help you with the situation and hopefully argue succesfully on your behalf and helpf you figure out how to legally move your assets around in the most advantageous manner.
Does your family ever take trips back to the states? If so, could you wait and do some sort of legal wrangling here (and make sure you are in poession your child's foreign passport when you start )?
I guess my overall advice is to seek some larger legal advice on the matter and see what you can do.
Have gone to the US embassy and discussed the legal issues with them? As an american citizen, your child should have some rights. They may also be able to recommend an extremely good law firm that may be able to help you with the situation and hopefully argue succesfully on your behalf and helpf you figure out how to legally move your assets around in the most advantageous manner.
Does your family ever take trips back to the states? If so, could you wait and do some sort of legal wrangling here (and make sure you are in poession your child's foreign passport when you start )?
I guess my overall advice is to seek some larger legal advice on the matter and see what you can do.
Jimmy my friend, you're in a true no win situation. I have no sage words for you. I wish you the best and think of you fondly.
What a complex situation. She has you by the cajones. Hopefully, those buggers will take a beatin' and keep on tickin'!
What a complex situation. She has you by the cajones. Hopefully, those buggers will take a beatin' and keep on tickin'!
Peekawho
She gave up her green card... she actually had enough time in the US for file for citenzinship, which she did, but did not want to wait around for the paper work to get finished.
So after being out side of the US for over 1 year, poof goes the green card.
So technically if I went home on vacation.... I don't think she could follow. Technically I think after 3 years I could file for divorce based on "abandoment" blame it all on her and keep a large portion of the money. But as you know I still lose my son.
She is by family, very wealthy, in this country, if she wanted to, she probably could gather the means to form some type of legal retaliation. What it would be I have no idea.
Heck truth is in this country... the cops are for hire, and they do wet work for cheap. I am not saying that she would do that, but my point is, it is the wild west out here & it is pretty common to read about a wife "taking out" her forieng husband mostly because the money well dried up. But like I said, she is wealthy for her country in the first place.... so I am not so sure if money is a huge incentive for her to begin with. I just know, legally, she has the ability to run me dry in the case of a divorce.
Time will tell..... hey it is only sex right? Everything else is pretty fair.... but there is always that lingering tension because of it. We do not argue often, but when we do, it gets pretty ugly pretty quick because I think we both are at a boiling point deep down inside.
Things sure aint what they used to be.
Regarding staying in her country forever. If I want to remain married to her, that is pretty much the condition.
Reg. Child support. It would not be too difficult for her to make sure it is inforced on me. For what I do, requires a state license, and if you do not pay the child support, you lose the license, you lose the license you don't work. Pretty simple.
Truth is, I agree with the child support concept. It is just that I know that I have already set her up finanicially here. Technically speaking at this very moment, if she never wanted to work again, she would have enough money forever via the rental property.... twice the average income of a citizen of this country, Actually about 20-30% more than the avererage house hold income in this country. So I feel I have already done my part?
Yes, or No
She gave up her green card... she actually had enough time in the US for file for citenzinship, which she did, but did not want to wait around for the paper work to get finished.
So after being out side of the US for over 1 year, poof goes the green card.
So technically if I went home on vacation.... I don't think she could follow. Technically I think after 3 years I could file for divorce based on "abandoment" blame it all on her and keep a large portion of the money. But as you know I still lose my son.
She is by family, very wealthy, in this country, if she wanted to, she probably could gather the means to form some type of legal retaliation. What it would be I have no idea.
Heck truth is in this country... the cops are for hire, and they do wet work for cheap. I am not saying that she would do that, but my point is, it is the wild west out here & it is pretty common to read about a wife "taking out" her forieng husband mostly because the money well dried up. But like I said, she is wealthy for her country in the first place.... so I am not so sure if money is a huge incentive for her to begin with. I just know, legally, she has the ability to run me dry in the case of a divorce.
Time will tell..... hey it is only sex right? Everything else is pretty fair.... but there is always that lingering tension because of it. We do not argue often, but when we do, it gets pretty ugly pretty quick because I think we both are at a boiling point deep down inside.
Things sure aint what they used to be.
Regarding staying in her country forever. If I want to remain married to her, that is pretty much the condition.
Reg. Child support. It would not be too difficult for her to make sure it is inforced on me. For what I do, requires a state license, and if you do not pay the child support, you lose the license, you lose the license you don't work. Pretty simple.
Truth is, I agree with the child support concept. It is just that I know that I have already set her up finanicially here. Technically speaking at this very moment, if she never wanted to work again, she would have enough money forever via the rental property.... twice the average income of a citizen of this country, Actually about 20-30% more than the avererage house hold income in this country. So I feel I have already done my part?
Yes, or No
Ok, calm down, I'm not condemning you for having an affair. Trust me, I'm in NO place to judge on that one. I'm just saying, your marriage sounds like it's pretty much kaput. I'm sorry for the financial burdens you'll face if you go for divorce, but what is an improved life worth to you? You sound like a successful man who can easily get into a great job making more than enough to support yourself once back in the States. Be thankful for what you have, and what you will have if you cut this woman loose. Also, talk to a lawyer. I worked for a lawyer whose firm handled mostly "family law" cases, and courts are less slanted toward the mother these days. I've known plenty of kids who spent half their childhood w/their mother, half w/their father. Your child has two parents that love him - that makes him better off than a lot of kids no matter what your custody arrangement turns out to be. Again, be glad for what you have. Don't focus on the negativity, or you will be devoured by it. Good luck!
Have you spoken with an attorney ? I'm wondering what would happen if you could convince your wife to go on a little "vacation" in the U.S. and then tell her that you want to stay here ?
I feel for you Jimmy. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say.
Let me ask you a theoretical question, though. If you simply took off back to the USA, how could she gain access to all your US holdings? Of course you'd lose everything in her country, but she wouldn't be able to get your $$ here in the US without some sort of very difficult and expensive legal wrangling.
Would she be happy enough with your son and the $ she has from your assets in your country to leave you alone? Would she have the wherewithal to pursue you overseas, a long, difficult, and expensive process for something like child support? Are you going to stay in her country forever?
Just wondering.
Let me ask you a theoretical question, though. If you simply took off back to the USA, how could she gain access to all your US holdings? Of course you'd lose everything in her country, but she wouldn't be able to get your $$ here in the US without some sort of very difficult and expensive legal wrangling.
Would she be happy enough with your son and the $ she has from your assets in your country to leave you alone? Would she have the wherewithal to pursue you overseas, a long, difficult, and expensive process for something like child support? Are you going to stay in her country forever?
Just wondering.
Reg. custody...
Well in this country, they have some very strange rules/regs.
Lets say a father wants out of a relationship, he gets automtic custody of the daughters.... the wife gets automatic custody of the sons. Remember my son is a dual national, so that rule would proabably apply. Also I have a work permit... this country is not like America where green cards are given out in a pack of baseball cards. If I were to quit or loose my job I must leave the country in 7 days. My "work permit holder" is a family member....
If I did something that ticked her off, I could be thrown out of the country...
If I puchased two tickets and attmepted to take my son out of this country into America.... I bet I would get charged for kid napping.
Look folks we are talking about a country where it is LEGAL to rape your wife if she is not in the mood. THAT IS ON THE BOOKS, it is not a matter of turning a blind eye, it is the reality here. So there are some strange rules and regs here, like peekawho said, life is not all about how its done in America.
Actually she gets more than half of money and assets. How is that? Well when I purchased the land, and rental property, I had to sign a document that confirms that I have no legal claim to the property. Again foriengers can not own property period. At upon her demise, the property must be liquidated within a matter of months.... the land can not be transfered to my son, unless he is over 18 years old.
I will never build or invest in this country again. But any how, that investment was around 100K USD. So she gets the property, and then half of the liquid assets, my son, and an easy 15K a year for child support. Not too mention I did put her through her MA degree in the US. I am telling you she is set for the high life forever. At least my son is too, and essentially to me that is the most crucial part.
I am in this hook line and sinker....
Wow, it is would be funny if it were not so sad.
Well in this country, they have some very strange rules/regs.
Lets say a father wants out of a relationship, he gets automtic custody of the daughters.... the wife gets automatic custody of the sons. Remember my son is a dual national, so that rule would proabably apply. Also I have a work permit... this country is not like America where green cards are given out in a pack of baseball cards. If I were to quit or loose my job I must leave the country in 7 days. My "work permit holder" is a family member....
If I did something that ticked her off, I could be thrown out of the country...
If I puchased two tickets and attmepted to take my son out of this country into America.... I bet I would get charged for kid napping.
Look folks we are talking about a country where it is LEGAL to rape your wife if she is not in the mood. THAT IS ON THE BOOKS, it is not a matter of turning a blind eye, it is the reality here. So there are some strange rules and regs here, like peekawho said, life is not all about how its done in America.
Actually she gets more than half of money and assets. How is that? Well when I purchased the land, and rental property, I had to sign a document that confirms that I have no legal claim to the property. Again foriengers can not own property period. At upon her demise, the property must be liquidated within a matter of months.... the land can not be transfered to my son, unless he is over 18 years old.
I will never build or invest in this country again. But any how, that investment was around 100K USD. So she gets the property, and then half of the liquid assets, my son, and an easy 15K a year for child support. Not too mention I did put her through her MA degree in the US. I am telling you she is set for the high life forever. At least my son is too, and essentially to me that is the most crucial part.
I am in this hook line and sinker....
Wow, it is would be funny if it were not so sad.
Half the money and assets, and he'll likely lose his child.
I'll have to bow out to those who are more familiar with foreign cultures. Life is not all about how its done in America. There are things that happen routinely in other countries that we all have very little concept of.
I'll have to bow out to those who are more familiar with foreign cultures. Life is not all about how its done in America. There are things that happen routinely in other countries that we all have very little concept of.
I strongly agree with green eyed lady. You have to get your priorities straight and I know money is great and all... but freedom is priceless !
Please money isn't everything....I know. It seems to me that your biggest hang up here is the fact that she would receive half of your money and assetts. I mean think about it, NO marriage is guarranteed and if you were in the States you would probably be giving close to the same amount. Life is too short to live so unhappily. Sorry to say, I really believe that it's over. Move on and be happy.
I'm thinking its probably going to be as difficult as Jimmy says. Catch-22 for sure.
I'm curious, I don't understand. How do you know you wouldn't be able to get custody? Have you tried? My brother got full custody of his son. More and more, fathers are able to get custody. Of course the fact that he has duel citizenship makes things more difficult, I'm sure. Still I'd look into it and talk to a lawyer before you assume anything.
OK... I haven't had my cup of coffee yet this morning and have only skimmed through many of the posts.
The best solution is do what makes you happy. Honestly... you deserve better than this woman and I hope you will seriously consider moving into that apartment. If you do get the apartment, how often will you be able to see your son ? Has your wife talked to you about this ?
and give up my child.... yea, i thought about your idea already.
this is a hard nut to be in. Even if I gave up the money, I still do not have my boy. no court is going to give him to me, and also he has dual citizenship, meaning the wife can keep him here legally, and he will be protected by the gov. etc.
thanks for you time folks, truth is there is no sollution
this is a hard nut to be in. Even if I gave up the money, I still do not have my boy. no court is going to give him to me, and also he has dual citizenship, meaning the wife can keep him here legally, and he will be protected by the gov. etc.
thanks for you time folks, truth is there is no sollution
Heck, with all those monies involved your best option may be to just disappear. Good luck with your decision.
I can not speak for every man...
Broken vows... her vows to me were also broken. You may think that it is petty. But when a woman stops having sex with her man, vows are broken. When a woman says she has absolutley no desire for her man, & tells him to go find a misstress (yea that was what she said) vows are broken.
If your husband came to you, and said those things, what would be your response?
Because my wife has decided that sex is an unesecary action, much like shaveing one's legs.... she does not do it. So because of this I should pay her essentially a quarter of a million dollars up-front, and then 15K for the next 16 years. She would be getting off the realestate and off of the child support 8 times the average citizen in this country. That is like recieving 19,000 $ a month in the US from your ex-husband. The 200+K she would recieve up front is like recieving 83 years of income in this country, or like recieving 2.3 million if you are in the USA from your ex-husband. "Reward" money for deciding that sex is unecessary.
So you think that is a good option? So you want to talk about Vows? Ok lets talk about vows.
1) Move or I divorce you ( wow a strong indication of how important these vows are)
2) You want sex, go get a misstress
3) Don't even sleep together
4) Consistantly chooses her families desires/whishes & needs over mine.
Heck when she got pregnant, I was the last to know.... her momy was the first.... VOWS, you are kidding right?
I have zero regrets and zero remorse for loving a person that loves me back, a person that makes me feel special. But because I would like to have that in my life, I should pay a woman that agreed to give me those things in the first place, a fortune, & give her my son.
VOWS, that is a joke!
The fact that I dated a lot of girls in my day does not make me evil, I slept with 4 of them. I never had a one-night stand in those days. They were all long term girl friends. My first "time" was when I was 23 years old. I am what most folks would consider a nice guy. Probably too nice.
The girl I care about on the side has the same question.... why can't I get a good guy. I tell her, to find one & don't wait on me. I love her from a distance. That is all I can do.
Broken vows... her vows to me were also broken. You may think that it is petty. But when a woman stops having sex with her man, vows are broken. When a woman says she has absolutley no desire for her man, & tells him to go find a misstress (yea that was what she said) vows are broken.
If your husband came to you, and said those things, what would be your response?
Because my wife has decided that sex is an unesecary action, much like shaveing one's legs.... she does not do it. So because of this I should pay her essentially a quarter of a million dollars up-front, and then 15K for the next 16 years. She would be getting off the realestate and off of the child support 8 times the average citizen in this country. That is like recieving 19,000 $ a month in the US from your ex-husband. The 200+K she would recieve up front is like recieving 83 years of income in this country, or like recieving 2.3 million if you are in the USA from your ex-husband. "Reward" money for deciding that sex is unecessary.
So you think that is a good option? So you want to talk about Vows? Ok lets talk about vows.
1) Move or I divorce you ( wow a strong indication of how important these vows are)
2) You want sex, go get a misstress
3) Don't even sleep together
4) Consistantly chooses her families desires/whishes & needs over mine.
Heck when she got pregnant, I was the last to know.... her momy was the first.... VOWS, you are kidding right?
I have zero regrets and zero remorse for loving a person that loves me back, a person that makes me feel special. But because I would like to have that in my life, I should pay a woman that agreed to give me those things in the first place, a fortune, & give her my son.
VOWS, that is a joke!
The fact that I dated a lot of girls in my day does not make me evil, I slept with 4 of them. I never had a one-night stand in those days. They were all long term girl friends. My first "time" was when I was 23 years old. I am what most folks would consider a nice guy. Probably too nice.
The girl I care about on the side has the same question.... why can't I get a good guy. I tell her, to find one & don't wait on me. I love her from a distance. That is all I can do.
I think divorce is your best option. I simply cannot understand men who stay in bad marriages - is it a fear of being alone, the kids, what is it? As a single woman who wants to find someone, but can't, because everybody's married, I want to know, lol! Get out of the marriage if it doesn't work for you - find someone who suits you. You've already cheated on your wife and think you're in love with this other woman. So, you've already broken your vows, and your heart is obviously not in your marriage. What is left of the marriage? I agree with trialanderror - come back to the States for awhile. It sounds like you're totally burned out and need a break.
That is hypocritical I say. Especially if you have blazed through all kinds of races, religions and relationships beforehand yourself. And if you want to work less than 7 days a week, most Asian countries are the wrong choice. Duh! Why don`t you give yourself some back-home time and come up with a plan that really suits you. It sounds like your ship is sailing the seven seas and gets lost between too many harbors.
REG: Love shacks.... Now I know you lived here! Nice beaches Eh?
Yea, I mentioned the love shack to her.... NO CAN DO, not interested.
Bottom line I have tried, and I am tired of it. I have a girl that I care about deep down inside, and I just want to insure that she is happy. As far as a minor wife, I don't think it is possible.... how does one know the minor wife is really being faithful, call that hipocritical if you wish, but in this day and age with deseases.... it s very important.
So folks it sounds like the consesus is, divorce or fall in love with my hands. Well they have been pretty darn faithful, at least I can say that for a fact. They are very subserviant too.
Wow, what a life.
Yea, I mentioned the love shack to her.... NO CAN DO, not interested.
Bottom line I have tried, and I am tired of it. I have a girl that I care about deep down inside, and I just want to insure that she is happy. As far as a minor wife, I don't think it is possible.... how does one know the minor wife is really being faithful, call that hipocritical if you wish, but in this day and age with deseases.... it s very important.
So folks it sounds like the consesus is, divorce or fall in love with my hands. Well they have been pretty darn faithful, at least I can say that for a fact. They are very subserviant too.
Wow, what a life.
That`s right. There is no privacy. You become part of a large family with a million eyes on you to observe whether you fail society. If you stick to local etiquette you still can not win because you are a foreigner. Nothing ever changes that stigma. Look around, though. Because there is no privacy, even the locals use love hotels with their own spouses. Not sure if there are any in your area but this is a very common and accepted practice. It is solely provision of rooms away from home, not a brothel.
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