My boyfriend hates me please help need advice

[Kyla555]

Guys I really Need help on what to do. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year, he is 20 and I am 24 and he has a daughter with his ex which I have no problem with, his little girl is beautiful. The problem is that over the last few months he literally acts like he hates me. We moved in together really quickly, after 3 months and things have been getting worse and worse since. He doesn't pay for any thing. I work full time and pay for all the bills and have no money for myself, he works part time and keeps all of his money for himself and even says that he loves living for free. Believe me I have been trying to put my foot down but he just laughs at me. He thinks I am clinically Ill. (I am not) he wants me to go to the doctors to get put on anti depression or get treatment for a mental disorder. I do feel depressed all of the time but I think it's just because of the circumstances. I love him so much and strangely it feels like the worse he treats me the more I
I've him because it's almost like he is making me feel unworthy of myself so I don't go with any one else. I just can't believe how it has got so bad so quickly. We never do any thing together he goes out drinking every night without fail, borrows money off people takes my money, and refuses to let me go out with him ever. Because apparently I am crazy when I drink. He tells people I hit him. I definitely don't. And makes me feel like the fattest most horrible person ever. He tells me he hates me when we argue, says he is gonna leave me, and get upset and beg for him back and because I don't want to lose him, and he never does leave. But in the back of my mind I think there must be something keeping him here other wise he would have gone months ago. I work 9 hours a day 5 days a week, it's not like he doesn't have the opportunity if he wanted it. Even with all of this and even with how unhappy I am, I do love him and I want more than any thing for us to be ok, I know a lot of you will probably think what?! She is mad! But it is so hard to explain, I know the normal thing to do would be to leave and find happiness without him but I just can't. I know in a way I am probably creating my own misery but honestly I just believe there must be another way. He is human too, there must be a way to make him see that the way he is treating me isn't right and that if he wants to be with me he needs to change. I have tried staying with family for a while, I have have tried putting my foot down and he just laughs in my face I just don't know what else to do. Please guys I know everyone goes through bad spells but I truly need a miracle. Please not harsh words guys, I can't take it I know I'm a bit of a mug with him I just refuse to believe there's not a nice human being within him, I just want to see the person I fell in love with again. Please guys need some advice desperately  x

[Noxic]

He's not taking you seriously.If you hope to see any change from him,you have to kick him out,because it's HIS turn to beg for you to come back.No hesitation.Even if he does beg you as you try to kick him out,kick him out then.You have to actually do it.If kicking him out is hard to do - like,he refuses to move his stuff - throw his things outside.If he tries to physically overcome you,call the police to,say,escort him out.You pay the bills and it's your home.He's an intruder that's refusing to leave.

Lay some terms that he has to follow in order for you to take him back and to live with you: "1. Either my money is mine,or we share each other's income. 2. I can go out drinking with you if I want to. 3. I don't have mental issues.Stop telling me otherwise."etc.You'll have dominance over him and confidence,and that might make him feel like he can't push you around anymore.He might accept those terms,because,as the old saying goes,"you never realise what you have until it's gone."If he doesn't care about your needs,he'll shrug it off and find somewhere else to go,and you can move on and pamper yourself with the money you won't be spending on him anymore(and after kicking that guy to the curb,it will show that you care about yourself,and you'll find some nice new men.many GOOD men like women that take care of themselves,and they'll want to take care of you,too).Doesn't that sound nice?

[nursegirl6572]

Oh dear.  You need to kick him out (as YOU pay all of the bills) pronto!  He's abusive, and he doesn't "love" you.  People who love you wouldn't treat you like that...not in a million years.  Sure, you feel attached to him, because your self esteem and confidence is so beaten down (thanks to this jerk).

You will heal from this, and one day be counting your lucky stars yo got out when you did.  You can only change YOU, not anyone else, and it's very clear that there's NO changing him.

[Chima7]

He is not with you out of love. He doesn't love you and he doesn't care about this relationship. He is only with you because you keep feeding him and giving him money and staying with him through all of the abuse he keeps dishing out. He doesn't have to lift a finger, because you're doing all of the work and he is getting everything he wants. He's a selfish jerk with zero redeeming qualities of any kind. Why are you so in love with such a loser? Why do you keep fighting to stay with him when you literally are getting NOTHING out of it except abuse, a depleted bank account, and extensive damage to your self esteem?

Either accept this jerk for who he is or else kick him out. But don't expect any changes. He would have to love you first for him to even consider making any kind of changes that would benefit you. He doesn't care about you at all, why on earth would you assume that he would want to change for you? That's never going to happen.

[Londres70]

I meant............what is bringing into your life?  Typos, uggg.

[Londres70]

This isn't about a "miracle"; this is about making good choices dear.

What is bringing into your life?  Nothing good.

[specialmom]

I am sorry you are in this situation.  And now you are pregnant.  That must be really confusing for you and makes you feel torn.  Being pregnant may feel like it complicates things.

However, from the outside looking in (which is all we have here), it appears he is using you.  I think you have gotten yourself into a bad situation----  not realizing how bad at first.  You guys skipped the 'getting to know you phase' where you weed people out by dating and went right to living with one another.  This put a lot of pressure on things to work out early on when otherwise, it may have naturally been over as it probably was supposed to be (because no one should have to be in such a one sided relationship hon).  

Now that you are pregnant, does this change things?  In my opinion, no.  I still think you made a mistake moving in with him so soon and have now found out he's a user/moocher and not interested in a real partnership/team with you.  Nothing has changed regarding HIM.  But the pregnancy has changed things for YOU.  You now have to be even more responsible and make decisions that are in your best interest which include letting go of someone that does nothing but s uck you dry with nothing to offer in return.  

So, I personally would tell him he has to leave and then sort your life out regarding the pregnancy and how this changes things and go from there.  But you shouldn't have to take care of a disrespectful grown man like this.  Send him home to his mom.  She can take care of him.

good luck hon

[thatquietgirl]

I agree with the ladies above.  He's staying because he's living for free, not getting any consequences, and hey, he's even getting a free ego boost and power trip because you beg for him back when he treats you so horribly.  Unfortunately, there's no magic formula to change him.  You can't change someone else.  They have to change themselves, and this guy seems to not see any reason to.

You have your life together, are able to support yourself and him, and he's there keeping what little money he makes with a part time job for himself.  He's going out drinking all the time WITHOUT you, you're at work 9 hours a day every day.  What's he doing with all that time alone?  What's to say he's really actually still in the relationship?  I'd really suggest kicking him to the curb.  You can do so much better.  As the others have said, you are way too good for this guy.

[Mommysboys2]

You are way to good for him and too him. Maybe kicking him out will do the trick. If you pay for everything that's your apartment! If I was you I would tell him he has to find another place to live. I'm sure its going to be hard but it sounds like you have to do something that makes you happy. And by the sounds of it he doesn't make you happy.

[RockRose]

Well,  I got all the way to the end of your post and didn't read that you were pregnant.  Woohoo!

I won't pretend to understand what's making you stay with this loser of a guy.  I do understand why he's staying - he's living free off you and gets to do whatever he wants and there are no consequences.  He's not staying because he loves you,  that much is clear.

I don't think anyone will be able to come along with some magic pill that will turn this jerk into a handsome prince.