Friendship problems

[Lynzh]

Ive had a friend since I was i was 5 years old. He's male and I am female. We've been through a lot of things together. I recently got married and he was very unsupportive during the build up to my wedding, but after the wedding for the past 4 months hes been fine. We usually text every day and see each other twice a week. But on sunday he text me saying that he believes I have some kind of problem with him and that he doesnt want to talk to me anymore, ive not been acting any different towards him! Also when ever i'm in his company and talk about my husband he's always muttering sarcastic comments under his breath. I keep my relationship with my husband seperate to some of the frienships i have, but they have met each other a few times. The friend im question is I believe gay but is yet to come out the closet because of family issues and there is proof on this. Im not a person that has much friends and really value the 5 close ones I have. I really want to cut him out after what he's done but I think im going to give text him soon! Its all very childish and im confused about the whole situation!

[QuinnyO]

Here's a lil somethin to think about:  A real friend is someone who wants the BEST for you and wants you to be happy - regardless if they come out being the bad guy.  

Did you ask him what about your husband is obviously bothering him?  

Just sayin...

best of luck - Quinn

[Lynzh]

Thanks for your input guys. since I posted this things have improved and my friend is trying to be more supportive of my marriage and has stopped putting in his little 'digs' at my husband, but who knows if he will keep this up! I'm someone who only has a handful of close friends with it being my choice. Myself and my husband are working on making new friends together by being more social, i feel in the long run will benefit us more due to the jealousy of my older friends!

[specialmom]

I think opposite sex friends are difficult when in a relationship such as serious dating or marriage.  Loyalty number one is with your partner.  

I do think, however, that some friendships are lifetime friendships.  Those people want the best for you.  I have been in a difficult situation of having a friend that married a jerk.  Wow, that is hard.  When they were dating, I tried to talk to her about it.  Then they married and it was very hard to remain supportive all the time.  She'd complain about something and get it off her chest and then I'd be left really not liking her husband much at all.  I learned to just stay quiet sharing no opinions.  They eventually divorced and the writing was on the wall when they dated.  

I think that is the kind of situation blucrystal is talking about.  

But I tell you, I very much had/have respect for marriage.  As a friend, you may try to help someone you care about but that doesn't mean putting down their partner or causing problems in the relationship.

My husband and I had a mutual friend that is male.  He said nasty things to me about my husband whom I was dating at the time (before we married) and nasty things to my now husband about me.  He for some reason had a jealous thing going on and didn't want us to date.  We --  my husband and I--  decided that he wasn't worth having in our life and both stopped being friends with this person.  We've been married 13 years and together 16.  Losing that friend was totally worth it as he wasn't supportive of our relationship.  And our relationship comes over and above all else.  

??  So, anyway, sometimes you do have to lose something to gain something.  happy wedding vows and have a long life with your husband.  peace

[thegame2345]

Probably time to move on.  Friends come and go, even best friends that you have known since you were a child.  Things change people change and move different directions.  That is life.  

[KaylaMarie25]

Could it be that your friend thinks that your husband isn't the right fit for you? And if he isn't gay, maybe he actually has feelings for you? My best friend is actually gay and he always finds a "problem" with someone I'm dating. But he just doesn't want to see me get hurt since I have 3 kids to look out for now.

[Lynzh]

After i posted this today my friend text me 3 times with nice messages and I have not replied to either of them. My husband says i should because he knows I dont have many friends. I do not  care though and wanna move forward.

[Lynzh]

Thanks to both of you for the comments. I love my husband and i know that my marriage to him means more than any friendship i could ever have. Im looking at moving forward and making new friends.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, it is my belief that many friendships of the opposite sex aren't really friendships.  Rather, one holds some kind of internal romantic feeling for the other.  A crush type of thing.  AND, they also may have some type of ownership feeling of the other person due to being friends first prior to the new partner entering the picture.  OR the last possibility I offer you is that he sees something in your husband that concerns him greatly (or even just doesn't like the guy).  But regardless, this is a new marriage and that comes before any friendships--  any --  no matter how old or how deep.  You've vowed to put your husband above all others (except God if you are religious).  So, someone that isn't supportive of the most important relationship in your life should be minimized.  I also don't think we should have opposite friends that aren't friends of some sort with our spouse.  My husband's girlfriends that were ONLY interested in him as a friend befriended me when we got serious.  The ones that had ulterior motives fell to the wayside.  Basically disappeared.  

good luck and enjoy your marriage.  THAT should be for a lifetime if you do it right.  

[Life360_Dave]

Hi and welcome. I agree it is very childish and most likely seems from knowing him as a child. He sounds a bit jeolous of something and i suspect its the loss of time with you. Dont make it a big deal as life is too short for petty issues.