MXP, I think you should forget her as a girlfriend. This is what she's like, this is what being with her will be like.
She is a recipe for chaos and unhappiness in your life. If you want to live happily ever after, find the healthiest, nicest, sweetest woman you can and go after her.
Rescuing is great for pets. It doesn't work out so well with girlfriends.
Thanks for your post, RockRose.
Not exactly what I wanted to hear.. but I suppose it's what I needed to hear.
Her last relationship was filled with trouble, infidelity and distrust - but before that, she had a good 10 year relationship without those things.. so I guess I thought there might be some hope.
But I also have a hard time believing her feeling for me will return all of the sudden when she emerges from the emptiness she's in right now.
I'll try to move on, even though it will be hard..
I dated a man for a year who has BPD and he often manifested that "emptiness" feeling. He went from being head-over-heels in love with me to being cold, detached and uncaring. But, he didn't revert back to having that loving feeling. Statistically, relationships with borderlines never work out, in large part, because of their emotional instability... this hot/ cold behavior doesn't work in the real world of Love. It only creates turmoil and confusion. In my opinion, the emotional flip flop is an attempt to insulate oneself from getting hurt because, along with the "emptiness," the borderline has major abandonment issues. The borderline would sooner dump you; before you dump them. But, I don't know if this is the case with your girlfriend as there are other complexities in her life, like... unresolved issues with the ex. She could be as conflicted about severing the ties with the ex as she is with her feelings for you. If that's the case, she's neither ready to move on in her life... nor is she ready for you.
Thanks a lot for your input - I really appreciate it.
She hadn't experienced the "emptiness" feeling for quite some time because of her treatment until it was trigged by her moving. But if there's more of those in store for me down the line if we get back together, I can see that it will be a very bumpy ride.
I talked to her on the phone last night and we talked about her ex, who it seems she's pretty happy to have left now - she's realizing what a relief it is not to be under the constant stress of living with him. Now she's afraid of never wanting to live with anybody again because "she'll like living alone too much".
She's said she was afraid to meet up and talk at my place, like I suggested, because she's still very attracted to me and feels we might end up sleeping together - which would obviously complicate things. She fears it might result in me breaking off contact and that she'll lose me as her friend.
As bad as this whole situation is, I think I'll give it a few weeks to see if she'll make up her mind and decide. Rationally I know I should get out, but I'm still very much in love with her.
I'm not sure I can cope with sticking around as a friend if she decides she has no feelings for me - even though I would like to.
Man, this disease *****..
Just a quick update - she still has no idea what she wants.. talked to her and she said: "Don't consider this a break - we're just friends at the moment.. I need to find out who I am and I have no idea where that journey will take me on a personal level".
I told her to let me know when she found out whether she thought there was a basis for something more than a friendship, which she said she would.
I'll take a little time to think it over, but right now the most realistic scenario is that I'll probably give her a week, maybe two to think it over at which point I'll end our friendship altogether and break off contact.
Pretty sad if that's the way it's going to end - but I need some form of closure soon.
The last update from me on this - I called her yesterday and let her know I can't stick around as a friend to find out what she feels and we have now cut off all contact.
I need to move on with my life.
It wasn't an easy choice for you to make, I'm sure... good luck!