He questions Trust in me, please help.

[KATE535]

I am a mum of 3. Two of my first children come from a previous relationship and my daughter - nearly 2 months old is from my current fiance. We are a happy family of 5. I am a reasonable person, don't hold unnessesary grudges against people, and try to be ammicable towards others. Maybe a fault at times perhaps. Well to cut a long story short, I sometimes have to make arrangements with my ex about the boys, and I try to be civilised - he lost his family when we left, I felt bad for what he went through, but it was best for us etc. So I try to be nice now and again..... what I mean is, a couple of weeks ago my boys had their birthdays, but their father did not attend. Well me and my fiance made the most fantastic home-made cakes for them. I was proud of them! Well I sent two photos of them via a facebook message to my ex (who is not a facebook friend can I add, but I know has a profile). I was being nice. He sent a few reply's like commenting on how the cakes were great, and was saying he misses the boys a lot, etc. I said i can develop more photos if you like but you give me the money to develop them... he also asked how the baby was. I said good, growing well... have to go now to get on with housework. That was the end of that. Btw, he has contact with the boys - every Tues and Thurs after school til 8 pm, and overnight once every two weeks to stay at the weekend.
Well I popped out the other night to get some groceries and came home to find my fiance marching off to bed in a huff. I followed him and asked whats wrong? he told me he'd been looking at my inbox on facebook and found the messages. I did not get angry that he snooped my profile, I have nothing to hide, just wanted to explain we'd had a chat about the boys after I sent the cake-photos and that was all. He accused me of hiding things from him and started saying ''i'm trying to trust you but I'm struggling to...'' then he started saying angrily that I should be ignoring him when he asked how the baby was (my fiance doesn't want his daughter to have any association with him) He then brought up a whole load of other stuff saying why is it I ring the house when I'm at work and you dont answer the phone?? Why can't he get hold of me?? I said I am sometimes caught up with the baby, breastfeeding / pumping and don't stop just to get the phone. He knows that, so why the questioning. Then the other day he questioned why the seat in the car was further back than it should be for my height (i was thinking what... he thinks some man has been sitting there??) This is all because I see no harm for my boys sake in being ammicable to their father - who i hardly see or contact anyway.
The contradictory thing is that my fiance used to meet up with his ex-wife to be ''friendly'' in early 2008. But I put a stop to it because it seemed wrong when they did not have kids but wanted a close friendship - I just couldn't be ok with that. It was over with them and there were no kids to think about so why meet up. Plus i could never have tolerated her in our lives after he slept with her when we were starting out even though they were separated. So she became a thing of the past because we were arguing about her constantly. I'm pleased that's all history now, however I am expected to have the same non-existent relationship with the father of my boys, my ex. Well I try to keep any contact to absolute minimum, but we do sometimes have to talk maybe once a fortnight about the boys (a good example was talking about the birthday cakes) That's life - things come up and you need to address something.
So now, my fiance seems to be questioning everything that has made us so good togteher - our honesty, our committment to eachother. It's like he is loosing his trust in me. I feel like I have done something really bad - but it was nothing. My sister can't believe it - she said to have some contact with the father of your children is normal, healthy, and good for the children. She thinks my fiance is being silly, and unreasonable.
Do you think it was wrong to have sent the pictures and not told my fiance (for fear of a big argument about making something out of Nothing)? Is my fiance right to loose trust in me over this? Do you think he has overreacted? Is he unfair to do this to me or have I been unfair to him to have occasional contact with my ex because we have children, but he does not have contact with his ex?
I would really appreciate opinions about what's or who's right or wrong here, and what is the way I should be dealing with my boys' father and my fiance. My fiance thinks I should be unpleasant to him. But I'm not like that to people. I do not need this from him when I am home with our baby, committed to our home, kids and breastfeeding our baby (which keeps me in the house anyway).
Thanks in advance.

[jo929]

NO i do not blame you for sending the pics it was a nice thought but you should have told your fiance, since you put a stop to him talking to his ex  people have to share their thoughts and feeling with each other luck  jo

[megochick101]

I definitely agree here! You aren't doing anything wrong, it's his insecurities talking. Like Ashelen said, why don't you ask him how he would feel if you two separated and you never told him anything about his daughter! Since you ex is the father of your children, i think you should be on good terms with him, especially for the kids sakes! Your fiance needs to understand that.

[Ashelen]

From seeing friends in similar situations, I would agree 100% with mami. He's being immature and it's his own past actions that cause him not to trust you, not yours. If you and he broke up, he would be heartbroken if you didn't share information about his daughter, wouldn't he? As long as you're being completely appropriate in your behavior (and you are, from what you're saying) there should be no complaints about sharing information about you and your ex's children with him.

[mami1323]

These are all his issues not yours.  First off, he doubts you because he himself has been untrustworthy so therefore, his fears are because of what he has done to you in the past.  No matter how absurd it may be, it's his insecurities.  Secondly, you should have some form of contact with your ex since he is the father of your children and communication is key when having to deal with him.  Why should you have a relationship with him filled with animosity.  It would worry me more if I were your fiance if you were angry with your ex.  Anger, to me shows some sort of care about that person.  If you're still angry, means you have feelings.  That's how I feel about my fiance's ex.  My fiance could care less about her but she still gets so angry and it's because I know deep down, there are still feelings there.  If there weren't she would be over it by now.  Your fiance has no relationship with his ex because there were no ties to bind them.  No children and the fact that he overstepped his bounds with her by being intimate with her when you two first started out.  If they shared children, you would have no choice but to have to deal with her but since they don't then why should they talk?  There is no point.  Your fiance needs to get over it, and if he can't then he will be the one to ruin this relationship, not you.  If he didn't like the fact that you had to communicate with your ex, than he shouldn't have dated you knowing you had kids from a previous relationship.  You shouldn't have to bend here, I'm sorry.  He has to grow up and be mature about the entire thing.