How can i improve my marriage??

[LisaLuke]

My husband and i have been together for seven years, we have a three month old boy.  Ever since we had the baby our marriage feels like its under a lot of strain.  We are both tired and irritated all the time.  When we argue we both always say sorry afterwards and say that we love each other, but i'm worried at the frequency of our arguements now.

I seem to be overly sensitive and read into things more than i should.  Also i still have about 30lbs baby weight to lose so my self esteem is pretty much rock bottom at the moment, which is part of the reason i'm so tearful.  I can't seem to stick to a diet and when when i feel down i automatically reach for the chocolate.  I gave up smoking when i found out i was pregnant but i'm really wanting a cigarette.  Has anyone gone through this, i'm feeling quite low at the moment.

[BearHitch]

I am not quite in that situation yet (still 6 weeks to go before I deliver), but I just wanted to tell you that I agree with the above posters about getting out with your DH, and just taking time to be together just the two of you (and not spend all of that time talking about the baby!)  :)  After all, babies grow up and move on, but you will always be together.  Good luck- I'm sure I'll be posting something similar here in a few months... Its a big adjustment adding a baby.  

[newbie2b]

its hotmail :)

[newbie2b]

Our babies are neck and neck.  Mine just turned 3 months yesterday. Well, I'm afraid that I cant be of much help other than telling you that, I'm going through the same thing as you.  Just when things started to get settled, I went back to work (monday) and the crazy rollercoaster began again.  My partner and I are really tired and worn out. And I too am miserable with my new size/body. I had to go out and buy all new work clothes because my old stuff doesnt fit and my maternity clothes are obviously maternity. Plus, it would be horrible to have to put them back on!
We made plans this weekend to have a date.  I'm hoping this will give us a little peace so that we can go on and take good care of our little one.  We might even be daring and leave the baby overnight (for the first time) with my mom.  I know its tough but, we love each other and I can see that this is something that we obviously need for our relationship (not to mention mental health!)
If you ever feel like you want to chat, you can email me at erin_felix***@****
I keep in touch with some of the other women who were due around the same time I we were. Good luck and stay strong.

[Liza55]

I'm suprised you didn't know that having a baby is a real joy, but a huge stressor. It is perfectly normal to feel all this. What you need, though, is lots of support. Hopefully your husband will realize this is a time to step back and give you a bit more patience and understanding. Remember, you even still have powerful hormones adjusting back to normal. Please try to find a mother's group. I went to a breastfeeding support group thru the hospital where I delivered. It was wonderful- just to get out, to listen, to talk, to feel supported. Get your family involved if possible as well. I also found a friend to walk w/ each day that helped w/ the weight, but again, to talk. Check the local mall even. The main thing is to surround yourself w/ people who are encouraging and supportive. Talk to your husband as well, letting him clearly know what you need right now and how you're feeling. As I said, I think it's his time to bow out gracefully and try not to engage in the arguing, encourage you on your appearance and weight loss, etc. Believe you're doing well- it's still only the 3rd month!!

[Lorielle]

I think anyone whose had a baby can relate to you.  Do you have someone really trustworthy who can watch the baby while you and your husband go out together?  I didn't realize until much later that my husband was feeling so neglected by how much attention I gave the baby and he really felt like I didn't care about him anymore.  I thought he was just as involved as I was, but I really did should have focused on him a little more.  Do you think you need some couple time?    I takes several months to get the hormones back into place after having a baby, so it could be some of that too.  Can you go exercise somewhere?  I wouldnt' worry about eating chocolate, you can't be a perfect eater at a time like this.  But you CAN exercise and that will help the weight come off and will make you feel better.  Even if you just take your baby for a walk in the stroller every day.  It sounds like you and your husband have a good foundation and I'm sure that after 7 years, this new baby is requiring some adjusting.  As long as the baby is safe and taken care of, you and your husband can focus only on each other a little every day.  AND you still need to take a little time to yourself every day too.