How do I deal with this feelings?

Question

I know this might be a bit long but it's eating me up inside for a while and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. I'm almost 6 months pregnant and this is my first baby. My husband and I have been married for about 5 months and we love each other. He was with a girl when he was 17 or so she got pregnant and they had a daughter. I've seen pictures of her and I think his ex is so pretty and much prettier than me. I honestly feel sad most of the time because I feel like he might still feel something for her though he says he doesnt. He has never given me any reason to believe so it's just me being paranoid. They do not talk to each other at all. I also feel sad because I feel that she must have been so special to him since she was his first then they had the baby and were together after till the baby was like 4. It also kills me to have his 2nd child because I feel like he won't find it as exciting or as special as his first. What if he loves my baby less? His mother is also so in love with her granddaughter that it makes me feel a little jealous. I just feel like my baby won't be as special or as loved. My husband says he loves his daughter but feels more attached to ours already and he isn't even born yet. I don't know if he says it to make me feel better or not but I don't completely believe that. Also when she comes to visit i get jealous when she calls him daddy or when they're together. I know it's sooooo wrong but I can't help feeling mad,sad,and jealous all at the same time. I just wish his ex was never in the picture and that he didn't have a daughter. I feel like a horrible human being for feeling like this.

goldenlove · Answer

It sounds like you've got a lot of self esteem issues exacerbated by the hormones you have from being pregnant. Just remember, he chose to marry you. That should mean more than anything. 

I think you might do well to get some counseling to help you with your self esteem issues. It's not fair to a baby or child for you to be jealous of her. She didn't ask to be brought into this world, and she's a part of your husband. That should make you love her more instead of making you jealous.

VICourageous · Answer

Just know that a child is from God. It is a Blessing! 
Go on with the future and do not look back. Your baby will now have a Sister. You never know what is in store for Everyone involved. Be happy and do not dwell on the fact he has another child. This child of his will be a part of your life too. You had no control over the time frame when he meet his first. That is old news. Now go on and be happy for everyone involved. The Grandma will Love this child as much as the other. How can you not love little ones. They are so innocent and full of surprises. Try to put in a more Positive Attitude. This will rub off on the baby and your Hub. He married you because he loves you. Do Not look back..Move on. Have a great Future with a new family. 
Bless
Vickie

suicidelove · Answer

Yes I totally agree with u that I wanted this and I put myself in this situation. I honestly never thought it would be this hard and if I could go back I don't think I would've been with him not because of him but because of the fact that I can't deal with his past life and his other child. (Childish I know). Oh and suicide love I've had if for years lol it used to be from a band I loved back when I was 16. Oh how does time fly.

RockRose · Answer

The biggest concern is the name you've chosen to give yourself,  suicidelove.  That's heavy. 

What's done is done.  It seems like you're throwing away happiness with both hands.  You purposely got pregnant with a man who already has another child,  and now you're really really upset that you've done that.  You've kind of painted yourself into a corner here. 

Best advise is to believe him when he says he wants you,  and ignore that you've purposely put yourself in this position.